


Three lions on a shirt

by bunnysworld



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Fanfiction, Homophobia, Injury, M/M, Romance, Sports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 04:08:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2334728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnysworld/pseuds/bunnysworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While working on his thesis, Merlin never would have guessed how much working as a steward would change his life forever. After a chance appointment guarding the home team's locker room, he's about to find out.  </p><p>There he meets the Riders, a rag tag team of men, and their star player Arthur Pendragon. With childhood dreams of playing for England, Arthur refuses to let anything get in the way, even love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three lions on a shirt

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own nothing. The characters belong to BBC and Shine. I only took them out to play a bit. I returned them unharmed and I even made sure they’re clean, happy and fed before doing so. 
> 
> Where to begin? First and foremost, thank you so much, dear mod of lj comm=after_camlaan for all the hard work you put into this. I couldn’t have had so much fun on this playground if you didn’t provide it.  
> Thank you so much issy5209 and aharesbreath for turning this thing into a readable story. Everything that still might sound off or is plain wrong is still in there because of my own stubbornness, not because they didn’t do a great job. Typos are up for adoption ;)
> 
> Due to some misunderstandings and miscommunications (I still feel bad for causing all this), I ended up having not only one but two wonderful artists. I’m a very spoiled bunny and I don’t even deserve it. Thanks, girls, for being such good sports and for sticking with me! 
> 
> The wonderful art is by dylan_mx and texasfandoodler! Go, check it out once it's up and leave all the kudos you can!
> 
>  
> 
> [Admire tex's art here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2336615)  
> [Dylan's art can be admired here. Go, do it, you know you want to>](http://dylan-mx.livejournal.com/28605.html)

Merlin straightened the collar of his orange polo shirt and followed Owain to the tunnels. There were days he hated his job as a steward at the stadium but he needed the additional money and having to work with Owain as supervisor wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. They had other events at this venue and usually the footie games weren’t his favourite, but at least it wasn’t an open ended event and he knew he would be home at a decent time.

“Wait here,” Owain checked his clipboard as they reached the entrance to the tunnel. “I’ll find you someone else, so you can keep people in check together.”

Merlin just nodded, automatically checked for the next emergency exit, made sure the doors worked properly, found the next fire extinguisher to check if it looked alright and looked around to see if the lighting was working. Then there was nothing left to do but stand about and wait for the other person and then the game to start.

Desmond showed up a while later and the day already started to look a lot brighter. It was always more fun if you didn’t have to work alone and Desmond was great to work with. They battled some photographers who still tried to get into the tunnel and to the locker rooms with the oddest of excuses, said hi to the guys from the Red Cross who transported their gear in and out and watched the stadium fill with spectators. Merlin was happy that he didn’t have to stand in one of the sections, amongst the fans. He didn’t have anything against them, but he didn’t have a lot of love for them either.

Owain came back to them. “Bad news, fellas. Change of plan, we’re short staffed today. I need one of you inside.”

They both made faces. Inside in this part of the stadium meant that you didn’t see any of the game and while the game was on, it was dead boring since nothing at all happened. Sighing, Merlin nodded. “Okay, I’ll do it.” He knew that Desmond was an avid follower of the Riders and since he didn’t really care about the sport he could do the job inside as well, so he followed Owain inside.

“We need you to guard the locker room door.”

Chuckling, Merlin nodded. “Because it might run away if we leave it unattended?”

Rolling his eyes, Owain made some notes on his clipboard. “Cendred, who’s usually there, just quit over some silly reason. You’ll replace him today. You know the team, you know the people who belong to the team, only those are allowed to go in there. Here,” he handed Merlin a lanyard with a key, “you’ll lock the door as soon as the game starts and unlock it again close to half-time. Just peek outside once in a while, so you know what’s going on.”

Owain’s walkie-talkie buzzed to life and he nodded at Merlin and then turned and walked down the corridor, leaving Merlin to himself.

Feeling a little nervous, Merlin accustomed himself with everything like he did before; emergency doors, lights, fire extinguisher. He fastened the lanyard with the key to one of the belt loops of his trousers and hoped he wouldn’t need it too often. Just as he wondered if he would know all the players’ faces and worried about how he should know everyone who was staff, a black bloke approached him.

“You’re the one who’s taking care of us today?”

“Errr…yeah…I guess so.”

“Elyan, I’m the equipment manager.” The guy introduced himself. “We just need you to keep everyone out of the locker room who doesn’t belong there. We’ve had some trouble with press people lately.”

“I’m Merlin. I…I might not know everyone, but I’ll do my very best.”

“Oh, you’ll get used to the guys in no time. And I think I’ll be the one you’ll have to deal with most as I keep running in and out constantly.”

Merlin’s head was still spinning when the game finally started. Of course he had seen the faces of the players before; or rather their butts in their uniforms, since that was in most cases a lot more exciting than their faces, but knowing who was who when they slowly walked down the corridor in their own clothes and with baseball hats or beanies on their heads was an entirely different story.

But it looked as if he hadn’t made any mistakes so far, so he could relax a bit until half-time once the game had started.

Most of the players were idiots, not even saying ‘Hi’ back to him. It was like he was invisible. This minimum wage job helped him pay the rent until his thesis was done and he could get a real job. That didn’t mean he wasn’t worth anything. Oh well, morons.

He peeked outside to get a glimpse of the game clock. One minute to go until half-time. So he opened the locker room just in time for the first guys to trickle back in.

Elyan was there, too, carrying stuff in and out and Merlin felt a bit better when Elyan nodded encouragingly at him.

Half-time was over quickly and the corridors went quiet again. Merlin wandered back and forth. Maybe this job here by the locker rooms wasn’t too bad at all. He didn’t have to stand outside, it was warm and dry and as soon as the game was on, nobody bothered him and he could think his own thoughts without being on alert all the time.

It got hectic again when the game was over; all the players pushing into the locker room, there was yelling and singing and the smell of sweaty uniforms mixed with the scent of various expensive shower gels and colognes – Merlin didn’t know which was worse.

“Get out of the way.”

Merlin startled when someone barked at him. But the bloke didn’t look as if he belonged to the team and Merlin hadn’t seen him before, so he didn’t move. “And you are…?”

“I’m the one who has to get in there.” The stocky bloke tried to push past him, but Merlin didn’t have it.

“And I’m the one who can only let team and staff in. So if you would tell me who you are? It’s my first time here, I’m still learning.” Merlin tried a charm offensive.

“Wilmers, Sun.”

The last bloke Merlin refused access to the room had laughed and introduced himself as the team’s physio as he dug in his pockets for his credential. And Sun sounded like a paper, not like a name.

“Sorry, Sir. Just team and staff.”

The man reached for the door and tried to shove Merlin out of the way. “I have to do my job.”

“And I have to do mine. If you would leave now, Sir.”

The guy started yelling and seemed to be surprised that shoving at Merlin didn’t move him an inch. Merlin knew he couldn’t leave his position, so he was quite relieved when just then Owain came down the corridor.

“Is there an issue?”

The man started arguing with Owain and called Merlin names.

“This gentleman couldn’t show me any credential that would allow him access to the locker room, so I didn’t let him in. Which he obviously didn’t like.”

Owain just nodded and pulled the bloke away from the locker room doors. Merlin could still hear him arguing as they rounded the corner, but grinned. He knew Owain would just take his press credential and show him the door. Easy as that. Play by the rules and you were in. Misbehave and you were out. Arguing with security never got you anywhere.

The door in his back opened. “Well done.” One of the players, a really huge bloke, came out. “That guy tries to get into the locker room whenever he can. Annoying like a fly.”

Merlin smiled carefully. “Just trying to do my job.” He shrugged.

“And you’re good at it.” The bloke - Percival somethingorother, wasn’t he the goalie? - pulled a beanie over his ears, readjusted his messenger bag, waved and left.

The players left one by one, most of them not even looking at him, but Merlin didn’t care. He had done one thing right and that was enough.

Elyan came out and nodded. “I’ll have a bit of work to finish, but won’t need you here anymore.”

“You sure?” Merlin got paid by the hour, so every extra hour meant more money. And standing around in an empty corridor wasn’t the hardest job ever.

“Yeah. You did great today. Will you be here for the next game, too?”

Merlin nodded and when Owain rounded the corner, he said his good-bye and left.

+++

“Hot shower and a tea?” Mithian offered when Merlin entered their apartment and put his backpack down tiredly.

“Yeah, in that order.” He toed his runners off and hung his jacket up after he tossed his backpack on the couch.

Mithian was already pouring him a large mug of tea. “Difficult shift?”

“Actually, it was okay. Just a lot of new things.” Gratefully, Merlin reached for the mug and blew across the hot liquid before taking a sip, his plan of taking a shower first apparently forgotten. “Aaah, you know what a man needs after taking care of a bag full of fleas.” He sat down on the couch and put his aching feet on a stack of magazines on the coffee table.

“Were the fans so bad today? Where did you have to stand? Oh no, you didn’t have to do those pesky body checks, did you?” Mithian slid into the big arm chair.

Merlin chuckled. It had turned out to be a great idea to share this place with her, even though they had only met once or twice before they moved in. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and needed a place to stay and Merlin needed a place a bit more quiet than the house he lived in last. So when Craig introduced them, they had hit it off right away and Merlin hadn’t regretted his decision so far. “No fans, players.” He peeked at her over the rim of the mug.

“Players?” Her eyes went wide. “You…You took care of the players today? The team? Which one? Don’t tell me, you were close to the Riders!”

“Calm down, Mithi, it wasn’t that special.”

She moved to the edge of her seat and looked at him expectantly. “Will you tell me every little detail now or do I have to…” She threw his feet a sideways look. On one strange half-drunk evening, she had found out that his feet were very ticklish.

“Don’t you dare! Can I take a shower first?” Merlin made no attempt at getting up since he already knew the answer.

Mithian shook her head firmly. “Spill it. You can’t just toss that at me and then vanish for an hour-long shower!”

“Hey! I don’t block the bathroom for a whole hour!” He playfully kicked at her.

“Tickle-attack, Merlin, that’s all I’m saying. So…How comes you got to take care of the Riders?”

Slowly, he told her about his day at the stadium, interrupted by her excited questions.

“Wow! Sounds great! Maybe you won’t have to stand out in the rain at footie games from now on?”

Drinking the rest of his tea, Merlin got up and rolled his shoulders to loosen the stiff muscles. “I don’t know, we’ll see. But now I’ve got to take a shower. My back and my feet are killing me.”

“Wanna watch a movie later?”

“Sure. As long as it’s not one of your subtitled ones, I’m so not in the mood for those tonight.”

Mithian just laughed as Merlin made his way to the bathroom.

+++

At the next game, Merlin smiled widely when he was appointed to the same position again. None of them could choose what they wanted to do and they rarely had the same position twice. So this was special.

He went through his usual check of his immediate surroundings and it didn’t take long for Elyan to show up with a cart of jerseys.

“Hi, Merlin!”

“Hey, Elyan!” Merlin held the door open for the equipment guy. “Thanks.” He knew full well that he wouldn’t be at the same spot twice if it hadn’t been for someone requesting him; and that someone could only have been Elyan.

Elyan just winked. “Don’t mention it.”

Some guys from the team were early and Merlin let them pass with a smile and a friendly ‘Hello’. And after a while it seemed everybody who belonged was there.

Just as he thought everything was running smoothly, a blond man approached him. The smile that showed on Merlin’s face wasn’t even a professional one. That bloke looked fantastic, he was just Merlin’s type.

“And what are you supposed to be?”

The smile slid off Merlin’s face and it took him some effort to keep the frown off his face. “What can I do for you, sir?”

“Get out of my way.” The blond stepped closer.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Merlin tried not to sigh. Of course, another press person, he should have known.

“So you want to be responsible for the team losing?”

Even though he found himself face to face with the bloke, Merlin didn’t give. “And why would they lose if you couldn’t get to the locker room now? They won last time and you weren’t in the picture then. They are definitely capable of doing that on their own.”

“Do you even know who you’re talking to?”

“A bloke who tries to force entry to the locker room.” Such an idiot. Was it so hard to understand that no meant no?

“And what would you be?”

“The bloke who doesn’t let anyone in who’s not supposed to be there.” Merlin tried to keep the smirk off his face.

“A stick figure like you?”

Just as Merlin opened his mouth for a sharp retort, the Riders’ coach arrived from the other side.

“Get your arse inside and get changed, Pendragon. We’re not waiting for you again.”

Merlin stared. The clotpole with the great blue eyes was one of the players! Why hadn’t he just said so? In a bit of a trance, he opened the door to let the Coach in and tried to ignore the smirk on Pendragon’s face as he followed.

Damn, damn, damn. He screwed up. This was most likely the last time he stood here and guarded the locker room door. It was difficult to know all the players, especially since he wasn’t into football at all. Fuck, he should have done some research and tried to memorize the faces of the players, so he would be able to tell them from the press who managed to sneak in.

The team went outside to warm up and Merlin just stood about unhappily.

Elyan came out and handed Merlin a bottle of water. “Here you go.”

Blinking, Merlin looked at the man. “What…”

“I know you guys aren’t supposed to have anything to eat or drink along. But we need you at your best here, so…put it there in the corner and take a sip whenever you need to.” Elyan winked.

“Thanks, but I don’t think I did so well today.”

Elyan laughed. “You’re the first one who ever stood up to Pendragon, we’ve had a ball in there.”

“But…”

“Oh, don’t think too much about it. He does that with every new person. Sometimes he’s just an arse, but deep inside, he’s quite nice.”

“Strange way of showing it,” Merlin murmured. “You don’t think he’ll have me fired?”

Elyan shook his head. “Don’t worry, he loves banter like that. Just keep it up.” He grabbed a crate with sports drinks and made his way out of the tunnel.

So that was Pendragon. Arthur Pendragon. Of course, Merlin had heard the name before. He was the top scorer of the league and was the next big thing for Team England, it was impossible to not know the name, even if you weren’t into the sport. But Merlin was just confused about what Elyan had said.

He didn’t have much time to ponder it, though, since the tunnel buzzed with nervous energy just before the game as the teams lined up to run on the field, accompanied by kids who just looked at their idols with wide eyes.

Then it got quiet again as the match had started.

Owain rounded the corner on his tour, checking on all the people in his group. “Quite the stunt you pulled there, Emrys,” he laughed.

“Stunt?”

“Not letting Pendragon into the locker room.” He grinned widely.

Okay, that was it. Pendragon wasn’t the nice guy Elyan had said. “I…I didn’t know him! I mean, I can’t know everybody here. And he didn’t say who he was. He just tried to bully his way in. And I…”

Owain patted Merlin’s upper arm. “And you just did your job. Well done.”

Merlin stared at him for a moment. “I’m not fired?”

“Fired? The first person Pendragon couldn’t bully into doing what he wanted? You, my friend, have earned yourself a fixed spot for the football games. I expect you to show up for the rest of the season.”

He wandered off, leaving Merlin to stare after him.

+++

Gesturing the girl behind the bar in the VIP area to pour him another beer, Arthur turned to Percy. “Can you believe it?”

“Yes, Arthur, I can. I was there. We heard every word, the locker room door is just frosted glass, you know?” Percy sipped his water and grinned widely.

“Trust me, that bloke won’t be there anymore the next time.” Arthur reached for his new beer and downed half of it in one swig. “Not wanting to let me into the locker room! Me!”

Leon laughed as he came over. “Still not over our new watch dog? He did a great job, didn’t he, Percy?”

“Yup, he did.” Percy clinked his water bottle with Leon’s.

“A great job? You wanted to play that game without me?” Arthur got grumpier by the second. What was so funny about this? The idiot from security wouldn’t let him into the locker room and he had to be saved by the coach like a maiden in distress!

“Come on, Arthur.” Leon tried to not grin too widely. “You were up in the stands at his first game, sitting out those yellow cards. How should he have known that you are you?”

“Because…,” Arthur made a face, “I am _me_ , d’uh!”

Percy threw his head back and laughed. “Seems you met the only person who didn’t know your face. Not everybody is into our sport.”

“Why does he work there, then? We need fans to do this job!”

Rolling his eyes, Leon took the beer out of Arthur’s hand and set it onto the bar. “You know exactly why we don’t need fans to do this job. They’ve tried that before. Remember that things went missing that ended up on ebay later? What we need is a professional to do this. And I think we found the one.”

“Yup,” Percy nodded, “he doesn’t seem to care about the Riders in the slightest. He doesn’t care if we win or lose, he will do his job and guard our stuff.”

Arthur glared.

“Come on, do you want anyone to nick your undies while you’re out on the field? No? See, that’s what I mean.” Leon looked very pleased.

“But he’s so…so…”

“Give him a chance, you don’t even know him. You’re the one who was looking for trouble. And he stood up to you and didn’t let just anyone in, you gotta give him that!” Percy finished his water.

“I’m not _anyone_.”

“To him, you were, and that was your own fault.” Leon chuckled.

“Treat people nicely and they will be nice to you.” Percy nodded, which made Leon laugh right out loud.

“Arthur doesn’t do nice.”

“Do, too!”

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride home. You’ve had a beer too many already.”

+++

The next game day came around and Merlin was looking forward to it. Yes, guarding the locker room door was different from other positions in the stadium, but he enjoyed it. The more often he did it, the more secure he would become in what was okay and what wasn’t. And the more people he got to know, the easier it was to keep those out who didn’t belong there.

He went through his usual routine of checks, tried the locks and waited for the team to arrive. Some of them actually said ‘Hi’ this time and that made Merlin smile.

“Oh, look who we’ve got here.”

Merlin rolled his eyes before he turned and faced the King of Prats amongst the Riders. “Good afternoon to you, too, sir.” Kill him with politeness, just be so polite that he would slip on it!

“Yeah, whatever. I wonder why they didn’t fire you after last time.” Pendragon grinned widely.

“Might have something to do with me just doing the job I get paid for.” Merlin had a hard time not clenching his fists.

“Lousy job, that is. Why didn’t you learn something decent? Finish school and such. Would save you from standing around pretending to be dangerous and getting benefits because this doesn’t pay enough.”

Why Pendragon didn’t leave him alone and vanish into the locker room was beyond Merlin. “Oh, contrary to some people here, I actually learned a bit more than just to kick some ball around. This here is just a pass time.”

That was a lie, he needed the money, but he would rather bite off his tongue than to admit that now.

Pendragon stared at him for a moment and then started laughing. Shaking his head, he pushed past Merlin into the locker room.

Merlin tried to calm down. Why did Pendragon get him so worked up every time? He was nothing but a guy who was lucky enough to be able to do a sport. Air-headed and arrogant, too. He shouldn’t let him get to him like that, Merlin knew.

When the match was on, Merlin checked his mobile. There was a message from Mithi. Good. They could go for a beer when the game was over and Merlin could have a decent discussion with her, instead of throwing insults back and forth with Pendragon.

+++

There were other events at other venues and Merlin wondered if the nervous energy he felt at every event would ever fade. People assumed that security guards or stewards were just people who couldn’t do anything else, too dumb to hold a ‘normal’ job. In fact, you needed to know what you were doing and you needed to be quick. Whether it was about learning your way around a new environment as fast as possible, working with different people all the time or thinking a bit quicker than the visitors to be able to out-talk or out-charm them when one of them got a funny idea.

That happened at the oddest of events. Whenever Merlin thought they would have an easy evening, at a venue where just elderly people came to listen to some horrible music – at least to Merlin’s ears – they ended up with people yelling at each other and a fist or two flying. When they were all tense because they had a huge place full of heavy metal fans to look after and expected the worst, things went smoothly and people even apologized when they did something stupid.

In the beginning, Merlin had done every job appointed to him, trying to find out what he liked best. Not that they could choose, but it was always good to be on the best terms with your supervisor. After a while, Merlin found out that he could make little deals with Owain. Like he would do his shift out on the VIP parking lot twice to get a chance to get a position inside at an emergency exit at a concert he couldn’t afford to get tickets for but wanted to hear.

So he froze off his skinny butt standing around in the near-dark on the parking lot or some deserted staircase where the wind just seemed to blow right through all the clothes he was wearing for a chance to see some of the big names. Or rather - not see. They were supposed to watch the audience, checking for disturbances, people who fainted, not watching the show. But nobody could prohibit them from listening to the music and more than once it was difficult not to sing along or at least tap your foot to the music.

The bad thing about the concerts and other events was, that Merlin never knew when they would end. They had to be there 1 ½ hours before ‘doors open’ which usually was at least an hour before the event started and they usually couldn’t leave until either the last person had left the venue or the last car was gone from the parking lot. And that could take forever. Especially when you had cold feet and needed to pee.

Some days, Merlin had a ringing in his ears because the music he had to listen to was too loud, even when he was wearing earplugs. Other days, his back hurt from standing for what felt like eternities. And everything that would have made this standing easier wasn’t allowed. You couldn’t lean against a wall or the next railing, you couldn’t put your hands into the pockets of your pants, you couldn’t cross your arms in front of your chest. It all looked stupid from afar and not very ready if you had to jump into action. But it was exhausting.

One night, he fell asleep on the tube back home and only woke up at the last station and since there were no other trains back until the morning, he had to ring Mithian to come pick him up and he wondered why he went through all this for the few pounds he made an hour.

Other events so made it all worth it. Like that one concert when a woman had approached him, insisting she had to use the emergency exit. Politely, he had explained that she couldn’t since it was – as the name said – an emergency exit and therefore only to be used in emergencies. The woman panicked and when he inquired the reasons, she admitted that she was suffering from claustrophobia and needed to know a way out without having to be in the middle of lots of people. She had tears in her eyes and hugged him when he told her that she should come to him the moment she felt a claustrophobic fit approaching and he would accompany her through the tangle of corridors behind this door until they were outside. After the concert, she came over again, this time having her husband along and they both thanked him for an evening they could both enjoy, knowing that there was help if she needed it. It was just a tiny little thing, part of his job, but it made Merlin beam all the way home.

Most nights when he came back, Mithian was there and she knew his moods the moment he entered the place, having tea or a meal ready and they talked or watched TV and fell asleep on the couch more often than not.

+++

“Excuse me, where is the locker room for the referees?” A stocky man with curly red hair, accompanied by a tall dark-skinned one, asked.

It was too early for the press to already roam the mixed zone and the bloke had a pass around his neck that was of a different colour than the journalists’ anyway, so Merlin pointed him to the right door at the end of the corridor. “Just over there. I don’t know if it’s unlocked, let me check first.” In three strides, Merlin was at the door and tried.

The man smiled. “Open, but we couldn’t know that. Thank you.”

“Any time.” Merlin went back to the Riders’ locker room doors.

A moment later, the same man rounded the corner again and Merlin blinked.

“Excuse me, where is the locker room for the referees?”

Just staring at the man, Merlin wondered if he was caught in a time loop. Something like in that movie, Groundhog Day or something? Merlin knew for sure that there was no other door to the referees locker room than the one he could see from his position, the one he just let this exact man in. “You…you are already in there,” he stammered.

The man laughed and shook his head. “Must be my brother.”

“Your…your brother?”

The door opened and the first man came out, laughing. “Did we do it again?”

Twins! Identical twins! Merlin laughed. “That’s new!”

“Nope,” the second twin grinned, “happens all the time. But it’s still fun after all these years.”

“I’m so sorry!” Merlin couldn’t stop laughing as both men waved and went to their locker room, grinning widely.

When they were gone, Merlin shook his head, still smiling widely. He knew he should feel stupid, but he couldn’t help but see the fun in the situation. And those two seemed to have a hell of a good time confusing poor stewards at every stadium they went to.

He turned when he heard a chuckle.

“I see you just met the twin refs.”

Merlin would have rolled his eyes hadn’t he been too busy grinning. Why of all times did Pendragon have to show up now? “Seems so.”

“They do that on purpose.”

“Being twins is hardly something you do on purpose.” Merlin grinned.

“Confusing people. Bet they have a good laugh in there.”

“Well, I know I’m having a good laugh out here. Mithi will fall off her chair laughing when I tell her tonight.” Merlin grinned and didn’t notice that Arthur’s face fell when he said that.

+++

Arthur tossed his shin guards into his locker with more force than necessary.

“What’s wrong?” Mordred, who had joined the team at the beginning of the season, coming from the youth team of the Riders, looked at Arthur. It was an open secret that he hero worshiped the older player.

“Nothing.” Arthur sat down. Merlin had a girlfriend; that was what was wrong. He made fun of him whenever he got the chance, but there was something about the bloke with the funny ears and the stubborn look on his face that had gotten to Arthur right away. From the very first encounter, when Merlin had not moved an inch when he acted like the big arse player people said he was. It had become more and more fun to tease Merlin and he was always looking forward to the sharp answers Merlin would come up with.

“You sure?”

If only he found Mordred the least bit attractive, Arthur would have fucked him into the nearest flat surface right away. But Mordred was just…Mordred. A youngster with a bit of talent. Too eager to please, too willing. There was no challenge in it.

Arthur sighed. Maybe he just needed to get laid. It was difficult in his business. The scandal it would have caused if he accidentally outed himself was something that would surely have ended his career or at least blow his chances of ever playing for his country. Arthur didn’t want to risk that, he had a few good years ahead of him, then probably a year or two abroad in one of the weaker leagues before he declared his active time to be over. If that meant he had to hide himself, he would do it. But somehow he had thought that he picked up a kind of wave from Merlin. Maybe his gaydar was out of order after all the time he hadn’t used it. If he was very careful, he might go pick up some bloke in a bar tonight.

+++

“Hey Merlin, how are you today?”

Merlin beamed when Percy, the goalie, approached him, pulling his beanie off his head. “Wonderful. You?”

“We’re so going to win this today.”

“Of course you will! You’ve won every home game since I’ve been here, so why would that be different today?”

Percy beamed. “You’re right! You’re not only our guard, you’re our good luck charm! Maybe we should take you along to the away games, too?”

Laughing, Merlin stepped aside to let Percy in. He was a nice one, always greeting him, always something or other to say.

“Or maybe we can make him our mascot.” Oh no, now Pendragon had to butt in. “Look at him, Perce, with these ears he beats our Knight in the silly department any day.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. In the past 25 years, he’d heard every ear-joke on the planet.

“Wonder why you never got these adjusted.”

Why didn’t Pendragon just leave? Just go to the locker room and leave him alone. Or better: transfer to a different team. In a different city. Which was located in a different country. Preferably on a different continent. They did play football in Antarctica, didn’t they?

“Why didn’t you get your ego adjusted yet?” Merlin smiled his best fake smile and held the door open with an exaggerated gesture. Oh, who was he kidding? He was looking forward to their banter and enjoyed each single time he had a fitting answer for Arthur.

It seemed that Pendragon wanted to say something, but Percy grinningly pulled him along. “Get going, we don’t have forever. Team meeting’s in ten.”

Merlin threw Percy a sideways look, smirk firmly in place and resumed his position.

The tunnels seemed a lot busier that day. Christmas wasn’t too far away and there were a lot of promotional things from sponsors going on. Even though he wasn’t allowed to take any gifts, Merlin ended up with some Christmas candy, a t-shirt, a little mascot plushie and a neat leather wristband, if you overlooked the sponsor’s print on it.

After half-time, Elyan pushed something into Merlin’s hand. “Put it away immediately,” he whispered.

Merlin blinked and peeked at it as he stuffed the thing into his pocket.

“’S game-worn. Merry early Christmas.” With that, Elyan was gone and Merlin didn’t dare to pull it out again. A jersey. Elyan had just given him a game-worn jersey! Not that he was the biggest fan of the Riders ever, but wow! Merlin couldn’t wait for his break to come to take a closer look.

A huge grin on his face, he wandered to the loos when his replacement showed up. The first thing he did was to pull the jersey out of his pocket to check. Just wow! It was even a home jersey, still bearing grass stains and there was a tear on the side. That was most likely the reason why Elyan had been able to give it away. The way it was, it couldn’t be worn any more. But Merlin appreciated that Elyan gave it to him rather than tossed it out. Even if he didn’t want to keep it, he could still sell it off on ebay and make some money with it if things got tight at the end of the month.

He turned it around and blinked. Oh no! Hanging his head, Merlin sighed. Of course. It couldn’t be one of Percy’s or Leon’s. Not even Mordred’s. No, it had to be Pendragon’s. Merlin made a face. Even though they got along a lot better lately, he didn’t need to keep anything that the clotpole had worn, he could sell it off without any regrets.

Folding the jersey neatly, so it fit a bit better in the back pocket of his black jeans, Merlin made his way back to his position. After a while, he started to grin. What would Pendragon think if he knew he had his jersey?

Merlin didn’t have much time to ponder, the game was over and the players came back in, complaining about the incapable referees (which was the norm), the frozen ground (which had left a few small scratches here and there) and the cold weather in general. Especially Pendragon was very vocal about it.

When he passed by Merlin, muttering about the fucking freezing weather, Merlin couldn’t help it. He coughed out a ‘girl’ and tried to look innocent.

“What did you just say?”

Merlin blinked big eyes at the player. “Say? I didn’t say anything, I just cleared my throat.”

Pendragon tried to glare at him, but it was clearly visible that a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but then he turned and went for the mixed zone, where the press could meet the players for interviews. Tonight was his turn to feed the hungry pack.

Merlin had stopped listening to the interviews long ago. Some of the questions were just too stupid and others were answered with obvious lies. He wondered why they all still played that game. ‘Why didn’t you…?’ and ‘How did you feel when…’ - come on, could it get any sillier? Sometimes he sent sympathetic looks over or rolled his eyes and made faces, once making Percy totally lose it and ruining the whole interview with a giggle fit.

Tonight, he was too busy keeping an eye on all the people in the mixed zone and corridors. With all the additional folks in there, he needed to keep an overview of what they were doing. If those girls that the sponsor had sent in small Santa-outfits to cheer the team on and give out presents to the fans would finally leave, that would make his job a lot easier.

Just as he was explaining the way out of the stadium to some other sponsor-related person, Merlin saw movement from the corner of his eyes. One of the girls started for Pendragon, squealing “Aaaaaarthur!!!!!!!!” Without thinking twice, Merlin went after her. She threw her arms around Arthur’s neck, covering his sweaty face in kisses as Merlin finally reached them and managed to wrestle the girl away from Arthur, who stood there, looking a bit shocked.

The commotion had drawn Alice from the staircase over and Desmond, who had been outside the doors, peeked in, too. Together, they accompanied the young lady to the room where the police were located and Merlin could resume his position at the locker room door. He was a bit shaky, too. It had been such a great event and now this! He should have seen that something was wrong a bit sooner and the girl would never have reached Arthur.

Arthur was a bit pale when he finally shook hands with the interviewer and made his way over. “Errr…thanks.”

“Nevermind, it’s my job.” Which it actually wasn’t, Merlin knew that. He was here to take care that nobody would enter the locker room without permission, not to play bodyguard for one of the athletes.

“Thanks anyway.” Pendragon looked at him for a moment and then entered the locker room.

+++

 

“Oh my god, Merlin, what happened then?” Mithian was in a phase of experimental cooking and had made a new pasta sauce with most everything that had still been in their fridge. She spooned a generous amount over some spaghetti and set the plate down in front of Merlin, who had just come back from his shower.

“Elyan brought me one of those drinks.”

“Drinks.”

“Yeah,” Merlin eyed the spaghetti, especially the thing that looked like half of a prune, “you know, isotonic or what they call them. It was very sweet.”

“He probably noticed you were a bit shocked, too.” She started turning her fork in her pasta.

“Maybe.” Very carefully, Merlin tried the new sauce and found it wasn’t half bad. Last time Mithian had one of her cooking fits, they had to toss the results out and order pizza.

“And then?”

“It took Arthur forever to get out of the locker room. Lance checked him.”

“But he was okay? Hmmm, this sauce is great. Hand me the cheese?”

Merlin chuckled. Only Mithian could ask concernedly about someone’s well-being and demand the grated cheese without breathing in between. “Yeah, he was limping a bit. And it took forever for him to be done.” He could only leave when Elyan gave him the heads-up and that was usually after the last player had left.

“That’s not good. What was wrong?”

“He said he got a knee in the thigh. And since it was cold, it hurt a bit more than usual.” Merlin’s cheeks suddenly started to heat up.

“You…” Mithian grinned around a mouthful of spaghetti, “you actually talked to him? I mean like…a real civilized conversation?”

Merlin chuckled. “Something like that. I think he can be real nice if he wants to. I joked that he should just run faster so his muscles wouldn’t be cold in this weather and he just said ‘Yeah, probably.’”

“And then?”

“Then he…,” Merlin still couldn’t believe it, “then he reached into his messenger bag and handed me his team beanie. Said something about how I should wear it so my ears wouldn’t get cold because it started snowing.”

Mithian grinned widely. “He probably has weird ways of showing it, but it seems he likes you.”

“It was probably just another thanks for rescuing him from that crazy girl.”

“You’re a hero!” Reaching for her wine glass, Mithian made plans of making him a red cape so he could fly to Arthur’s rescue any time.

Merlin just rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help the weird feeling in his stomach. It had been nice showing Pendragon that he was capable of more than just standing about and that they had exchanged a few words wasn’t too bad either. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t sell the jersey off and he would definitely keep the beanie.

+++

Arthur sighed as he pulled out and felt nothing but contempt for himself. Fucking a stranger in the dark back room of some dingy club that he had to drive two hours to reach just so wasn’t classy. Not that he ever thought himself a man with style, he did everything he could to avoid that. But this was low, really low.

The incident after the game had left him restless. He knew he should have stayed at home, on his couch with an ice pack on his thigh, but as soon as it felt okay to move, he’d started pacing.

It wasn’t so much the girl or how she had just thrown herself at him. Okay, if he was honest, it had been a bit spooky. But he’d been on the receiving end of falsely understood fan love before and this had been a bit too much, it was his right to be a bit shaken.

What bugged him more, though, was the way he had seen Merlin flying to his rescue from the far side of the room before he had even realized what was going on. Merlin, who he thought had nothing to do but stand about and look good, had the situation under control and had reacted before he’d even figured out what was happening. This was the first time he’d seen Merlin in action and he really liked what he saw. All that tight muscle underneath the ugly orange polo shirt, Merlin moving with focused precision; that was really a turn-on.

He knew he needed to thank him, to let Merlin know that he was just teasing and loved their banter since the day they first met. But when Lance was done with him and his thigh and he finally could leave, Merlin had looked so tired that he just said a few words and on a whim of inspiration he’d given Merlin his team beanie.

Arthur wasn’t too big on beanies anyway, preferring baseball hats, so he tried to convince himself that he would have given it to anyone in this situation. A little thank-you to keep someone close who might be of use again. But he was lying if the thought of Merlin pulling his beanie over those wonderful ears, ears he wanted to run the tip of his fingers along, didn’t send little shivers down his spine. And he would only see him again in two weeks, at the last game before Christmas.

This wasn’t healthy. He couldn’t fantasize about someone who was actually a stranger like that. He needed to get him out of his system, so he grabbed his car keys and drove all the way up to this club where he hoped nobody would recognize him right away. He found a cute twink with dark hair and blue eyes, his ears sticking out a bit. Not really enough, but enough to pretend when he squeezed his eyes shut and pounded into him.

The pleasure was short-lived. The moment he came and pulled out, he lost interest in the bloke. He tossed the condom aside, tucked himself in and turned to go. He ignored the boy’s ‘Can I see you again?’ and walked out of the club on shaky legs and sat in his car on the parking lot for another hour before he finally turned the key and drove back home. How low had he sunk?

+++

As the season moved on, Merlin had really started to look forward to the footie games. He knew everyone who belonged to the team, knew who everybody else in the corridors was and when to interfere when someone tried to get access to the locker rooms without fearing to turn away the wrong person. But now he was ready for a little break over Christmas and was happy that this would be the second to last game for the year.

He knew he needed to be concentrating while the corridors were busier than usual, but as soon as the game had started, hardly anything happened at all. It was so quiet that Merlin had time to think. Sometimes, he thought about his dissertation and how much further along he wanted to be at this point in time. But that couldn’t be helped. This job took more of his time than he had calculated. Since it also brought the money to pay his share of the rent, he needed it and his dissertation would have to wait. Maybe he was at his best under stress and would be able to write it in one go once he’d done all the research properly. And he hoped to get a couple of steps further after Boxing Day.

More often, he found his thoughts wandering to the players. And who could blame him? They were hot, all fit and muscly, most of them good-looking, some of them nice decent blokes. Opening the door to the locker room for Elyan while the guys were in there had given him more insight than he ever wanted. So he knew about Marcello’s scarily hairy butt – the thought alone made him shudder – and that Percy wasn’t shy and usually walked about naked before or after a shower. That one time, he had held the door open for Elyan, Pendragon had stood there, all gloriously naked, his front turned towards the door as if he was waiting for Merlin to open it.

It must have been that he was tired, there were many events lately and he didn’t get much rest between them, but he had these dreams at night and most of them featured the blond player in different states of being undressed.

Merlin sighed. His social life didn’t exist. The only human interaction he got lately was talking to Mithian or watching a DVD with her. He didn’t go out since he worked when other people were having fun and he didn’t have the money to take a break. And he hadn’t gotten any in ages. Or as Mithian put it: he was overworked and underfucked. That was the only reason Merlin fantasized about Pendragon when he was having a quick wank before he fell asleep.

Taking another deep breath to shake the gloomy thoughts, Merlin heard commotion from the big double doors that shielded the corridor from the tunnel to the stadium.

“Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!”

Merlin, who had wandered to the other end of the long corridor, ran over and gasped at what he saw. Elyan and Lance were supporting Arthur, who couldn’t put weight onto one of his legs, his face screwed up in a grimace.

 

 

“Could you…?” Lance started, but Merlin already had the key to the locker room out of his pocket and fumbled it into the lock. He opened both doors quickly, so the three men could make their way in easily.

Immediately, he closed the doors again and stayed close by, in case they needed an ambulance and he needed to direct the EMTs . Once in a while, he heard a groan from inside and a bit later, Elyan showed up again and shook his head.

“That bad?” Merlin whispered.

“I’m not the expert here, but it doesn’t look good. We’ll see when Lance is done with him.”

Merlin bit his lower lip. That Pendragon was the star of all of his wet fantasies lately didn’t mean he liked him, but he didn’t want him to be injured either.

The mood in the corridor and the locker room was subdued at half time and even though Merlin tried careful smiles, they all knew what it would mean if Arthur was out for the season.

A specialist arrived and Lance took him to the injured player right away and all Merlin could do was wait nervously. Of course he would have been just as nervous if it had been any of the other players. He might not care for football, but he’d grown fond of the blokes and called them ‘my guys’ which always made Mithian grin.

He heard whispers of ‘ligament rupture’ and other terms he didn’t even know the meaning of and knew that whatever it was, it would take Arthur out for quite a while. That they didn’t call an ambulance was a good sign, though, wasn’t it?

After the game, one of the journalists came over. “So, I’ve seen you here before, haven’t I?”

Merlin grinned. “Probably.”

“Must be pretty exciting being in charge of the team.” The bloke tried to be all casual.

“It’s a job.”

“Bet you know a lot about the guys.”

Yes, I do. More than you will ever know. Merlin grinned. “I know all I need to know. Not more, not less.”

“Any good gossip around lately?” The guy still pretended for this to be just a friendly chat.

Merlin shook his head. “Nothing out of the usual.” That he was able to hear what the coach said during half time or what the players’ plans for their vacations were, that Leon had just become the proud uncle of a little boy and that Percy was planning to propose to his girlfriend were things Merlin would never tell the press.

“Pendragon still in there?”

Ah, now we’re talking. “I don’t know, sir.”

“But you’re here all the time, you should know who’s in and out.” The man had the nerve to nudge his arm and Merlin flinched back slightly.

“I just had my break, so maybe he left while I wasn’t here. I can’t tell you, I just don’t know.”

“Heard anything? They must be talking about that stuff around you.”

“No, Sir. And if you’d be kind enough to free up the way, we’ve got work to do here. Thanks for your cooperation.” With that, Merlin almost shoved the man away with a huge gesture of his arm to make way for Elyan, who was busy bringing the laundry out.

When the press person finally left, Merlin let out a sigh but then chuckled, shaking his head.

“What’s so funny?” Mordred just left the locker room.

“If the press ever found out exactly how much I know here, they would hunt me down and press me for every piece of information I’ve ever known about you guys.” Merlin grinned.

The smaller man threw him a look. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. Why would I? I like this job, I’d like to keep it.”

Mordred nodded, waved and left.

+++

Arthur leaned back on his white leather couch and blew out a deep breath. He knew he needed to get to the stadium, but why? He couldn’t do anything at the moment and handling the crutches was a pain in the arse.

His injury had turned out to be ruptured ligaments and he had his surgery the day after the match. Trying to make do with as little pain killers as possible, he had been in constant pain and got grumpier by the day. He was a football player, he wanted to play. Sitting about with a hurt knee, waiting, just wasn’t his thing. This all took way too long and he wasn’t happy about it. All he ever saw lately was Lance and the doctor and the treatment room, he wasn’t even allowed in the gym yet.

Shaking his head, Arthur knew he needed not only to be at the stadium to show up, to pretend to be part of the event, he needed to go to see some friendly faces. Leon and Percy had been over once or twice, but they had their own lives aside from the team, he couldn’t expect them to entertain him constantly. Maybe chatting with some team mates would cheer him up a bit.

And maybe, just maybe, Merlin’s smile would cheer him up a lot.

So he took a taxi to the stadium and slowly made his way to the locker room, still using the crutches.

And as he thought, Merlin’s wide beam when he saw him made the world so much brighter.

“Hi”

“Hi! How are you? How’s the leg?”

Those were the excitedly shining eyes he’d been dreaming of so much lately. Maybe he should have stayed at home, it wasn’t good to get his fix of Merlin now only to be alone again later.

“Getting there. Slowly but surely.” Arthur stopped but before he could figure out what to say next, Merlin held the door to the locker room open for him. “Thanks.” He needed to find a moment to talk to Merlin, maybe after the game.

But Merlin seemed to be busy whenever Arthur was near and that frustrated him. If he were honest, he had just come to the stadium to talk to the man. Nothing serious, just some words that weren’t about his knee and his career and what the team would do without him – which was almost losing as they had proven today. What he hadn’t thought about was that the coach expected him to be in the team meeting, that he had to follow the game up in the stands and that the moment he entered the mixed zone again, the press didn’t leave him alone.

Arthur threw Merlin looks but Merlin didn’t seem to notice, he was in full working-mode. Which was something that Arthur had never gotten to witness before. He’d always thought that it was the easiest thing in the world to stand there, talk to people and get paid for it. Okay, if he were honest, he had changed his view of Merlin’s job since the incident with the girl, but still, he’d never had the chance to see what Merlin was doing and it was very interesting to watch. Not only did he stand about, pretending not to listen to the conversations around him – and Arthur was pretty sure that Merlin picked up every word- being all casual, there was a focused tension underneath that fascinated Arthur. As Merlin scanned the room with a bored expression on his face, Arthur was certain that there wasn’t one little detail that Merlin missed. He took out the key to the locker room door as soon as the large doors from outside opened, so he must have noticed immediately that it was Elyan, carrying stuff in. He smiled politely at one of the sponsor people and explained the way to the VIP area before the person could open their mouth to demand entrance to the locker room. And when one of the kids who had accompanied the team onto the field tossed up a ball, Merlin caught it in one swift motion, explaining why playing ball in the corridors was a bad idea before handing it back.

Arthur liked very much what he saw, but he feared he would go home again without having said more that ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’ to Merlin.

“Come on, Arthur.” Leon zipped his jacket up. “Let’s have a drink at the VIP area.”

That pulled Arthur back into reality and he noticed that Merlin was smiling at him. He gave him an apologetic shrug and then turned to Leon. “I’m on meds.”

Groaning, Leon rolled his eyes. “Drink…as in liquid. There’s water and coke and such things, you know. They might even make you a tea if you want. Nobody will force you to get drunk.”

Before Leon could pull him along, Arthur turned again. “Bye, Merlin. Merry Christmas.”

“You too.”

If wishing him happy holidays surprised Merlin, he hadn’t shown it. Arthur sighed as he followed Leon slowly. Maybe it was an automatic response. This close to Christmas everyone said the phrase and Merlin probably hadn’t given it any thought. Frowning, Arthur tried to concentrate back on what Leon was telling him. He really didn’t need to waste thoughts on Merlin spending the holidays snuggled up to his girlfriend.

+++

Merlin was in a good mood when he pulled the beanie over his head as he left the stadium. Aside from the guys who worked at the VIP area, he was one of the last ones to leave but he didn’t mind. Even though it had been a lot more work today for some reason, he had loved the energy in the tunnels. Everybody had been looking forward to the holidays and was in a good mood and that the Riders had escaped a loss had helped too.

Pulling the zipper of his jacket up a bit more, Merlin waved bye to Cynthia from catering who was just leaving too, and turned to the right. It would save him quite a few minutes if he crossed the VIP parking lot and managed to sneak out at the gate there on his way to the bus and he could curl up in front of TV a bit earlier.

He put the earbuds of his iPod in and looked for the right song. Mithian had a ball when she found out that he was listening to Christmas carols this time of year, but hey, nothing beat ‘Do they know it’s Christmas’ or ‘All I want for Christmas’ to get in the mood.

“Merlin!”

Looking around, Merlin wasn’t sure if he really heard his name over the music and pulled one of the earbuds out. There were two men standing next to a car, which was nothing unusual in a parking lot, but one of them was on crutches and they both looked familiar. “Oh, hi guys.” Merlin beamed widely when he noticed Leon and Arthur.

“Are you done with your shift now?”

Leon groaned as Merlin made his way over. “Of course he’s done or else he wouldn’t be wandering through the night like this.” His mobile rang and he got into the car to take the call.

Chuckling, Merlin nodded. “He’s right. I’m finally done.”

Arthur leaned against the car. “You only get to leave _this_ late? I always thought you were gone as soon as we were done?”

“Took a bit longer today. You saw all those people in the corridor and the mixed zone. But now I’m done and I’m really looking forward to a few days off.”

“The next game isn’t until next year.” Arthur frowned when Merlin laughed.

“Do you really think you’re the only ones? I work for the security company, we do this here, we’re under contract at the arena, we do smaller venues, too. Next up is a concert on Christmas Eve and then a New Year’s Eve party, but I won’t be working there. Only back on duty sometime in the first week of January. I’m really happy that there’s nothing on my schedule until then.” Merlin shook his head. People like Arthur had no clue about the real world, did they?

“Oh.” Arthur felt a bit dumb. He’d really thought that all Merlin did was guarding their locker room. “You’re quite busy.”

“It’s the time of year. Everybody wants to go out and there are lots of events. And someone has to make sure that everyone can leave again safe and sound later.”

“You’re doing a great job.” Arthur shifted. “Listen…I just wanted to thank you again.”

“Nevermind.” What did Arthur want to thank him for? Merlin was just doing his job and he already thanked him for the kiss-incident.

“No, really, I mean it. Last time you reacted so quickly, being right there with the key and everything. That was really good.”

Merlin smiled carefully. “Just doing my job. It looked as if you were in a lot of pain, everyone would have reacted so fast.”

“Still, I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime.” Merlin tried to find something to say. It was nice talking to Pendragon if he wasn’t in full prat-mode. But it seemed as if everything was said. “I think I should…” He motioned in the direction of the bus station.

“Can we take you somewhere?” It wasn’t Arthur’s car, Leon was driving, but it was nice that he offered it anyway.

“Thanks, but I’ll be at home in twenty.” Merlin smiled. “Have yourself great holidays too, Arthur.”

“You, too. And say hi to your girlfriend.”

Girlfriend? “I don’t have a girlfriend.” Merlin had already turned to leave, but he turned back at that. What on earth made Arthur think that he had a girlfriend?

“Didn’t you say you lived with someone?”

Oh, Arthur had listened. That was interesting.

“Yeah, I share the place with Mithian. We’re friends.”

“Oh, friends with benefits. Clever. All your needs being taken care of with no obligations attached.”

“’S not like that. I’m not into…” Merlin held his breath. That was information that Arthur didn’t need. Information you didn’t reveal in a sports environment like this. Why had he said that? It was late and he was tired, but these were athletes and it was none of their business if he liked men or women, he needed to be more careful. “It’s not like that.”

Arthur gave him a look that Merlin couldn’t read but then smiled and gave him a nod. “Okay. I better get going, Leon might not be amused if I chat the night away while he waits to give me a ride home.”

“See you next year.” Merlin waved, put the earbud of his iPod in again, readjusted the straps of his backpack on his shoulders and made his way to the bus station.

+++

These were the best holidays ever. Not. His knee hurt like fuck and he had to make trips to the doctor twice, which was annoying since he couldn’t drive, but Arthur couldn’t get the huge smile off his face. Merlin didn’t have a girlfriend. And he wasn’t into girls at all. That was what he had started to say but never finished. But it was all so clear. Merlin shared the place with a girl he didn’t fuck. He wasn’t into girls. That was the best news Arthur got in a long time. And just knowing that made it so much easier to endure the holidays.

Arthur never liked Christmas. He had grown up in a home that had everything but love. His distant father withdrew even more once December showed on the horizon and his older half-sister had taken to going to every Christmas party, leaving Arthur in the hands of the staff or to himself when he was older. So he had worked out most of the time, working with the ball, trying to be the best footballer he could be and it turned out that he had quite some talent, too. One Christmas dinner, his father had insisted he went to college and got a degree in business, it had turned ugly. Arthur had no idea what to do with his life. He knew he wasn’t stupid, he knew he would inherit half of the Pendragon fortune if he did what father wanted. But the thought of being stuck in a suit behind a desk suffocated him. He wanted nothing less than to be under his father’s thumb longer than necessary. So he declared that he was working towards a career in football. Even though father hadn’t been delighted, he made plans to pull some strings to get Arthur into management of one of the big clubs after he got his degree.

He nearly had a heart-attack when Arthur explained that he had no intention of managing anything or anyone, but instead gotten himself a manager to get him into one of the good clubs – as a player.

There had been yelling and then the silent treatment, but Arthur was just as stubborn as his old man and so he had taken the next offer and moved out. A few years and a couple of clever transfers later, he had signed with the Riders and if this season played out like it started, there was no plausible reason why they shouldn’t invite him to play for his country. Which was something he had dreamed about since he was old enough to kick a ball.

And yet, the holidays were a tough time for Arthur. His sister called from somewhere on the other end of the planet and they exchanged careful sentences and there was the usual Christmas card of his father in the mail, signed by his secretary as Arthur knew fully well. Since his father didn’t even know she sent Arthur a card, he never bothered to react to it.

Everyone else was busy with their families and doing fun things, so Arthur was left to himself once again. The situation wasn’t new. That he was battling an injury on top of it, was. This was by far the most severe thing that had happened to his body in all of his career. What if it wouldn’t heal the way it was supposed to? What if he couldn’t go back into training as soon as he’d thought? It wasn’t just the fact that he would lose all the money they got for wins, he didn’t care about that. He was one of the best paid players in the league, he could buy anything he wanted. Of course he would go see specialists around the world if this injury didn’t heal up quick enough. He needed his body to do his job. And he wouldn’t give up this job so easily.

What if his body didn’t want him to do this job anymore? What would he do then? Maybe this injury was the universe’s way of telling him that it was enough, that he had mistreated his body for too long? What would he do then? He didn’t have any other options. He had never held a normal job. He wouldn’t even know if he could do the ‘nine to five’. The sport was his life. He couldn’t do without it.

Come on, knee, heal up already!

+++

Christmas came and for the first time in ages, Merlin didn’t go back to Ealdor. His mam had a boyfriend now and they had gone on vacation until the New Year. It felt a bit strange, but Merlin was happy that his mam wasn’t alone anymore and Michael seemed to be a decent bloke.

Mithian had gone to visit her family, so Merlin was all alone with nothing to do. They had an event on Christmas Eve, so it wasn’t too bad to only come home at around 2 am, but knowing that there wouldn’t be anything on his schedule until the first week of January was strange. Usually, Merlin worked at least once a week and lately it was more often than that.

Merlin had the best intentions of working on his thesis during that week, but after Christmas and New Years were over, he started to get restless, even though his research hadn’t brought him much further. It couldn’t hurt to go out for a beer and relax a bit, could it? He called his friend Will and took his best shirt out of the closet. Not that he would dress up for Will, but you never knew, right?

As he leaned at the bar, a beer in hand, someone squeezed in right next to him. “Oh, hi Merlin! Happy New Year!”

Looking up, a smile spread across Merlin’s face. “Leon! Happy New Year. What are you doing here?”

Leon laughed. “Getting a drink with the guys.” He pointed over his shoulder to a table where Merlin could see Percy, Mordred and Arthur waiting. Why was his heart beating a bit faster as he laid eyes on Arthur? Usually he saw the guys all sweaty and tired, or just freshly showered and dressed carelessly, seeing them dressed up for a night out was nice. His mobile beeped and he groaned as he checked the message.

“Everything okay?” Leon had gotten beer for his teammates.

“Wanted to meet a friend here, but he just cancelled on me. Guess I’ll finish my beer and call it a night.”

“Just come along, no need for the night to be over before it even started!” Without even waiting for him to agree, Leon made his way back to their table.

Merlin followed, not really sure if he should do that. Those people weren’t only teammates, they were friends. And he was just the lowly steward who worked for them.

“Merlin!” Percy waved him over. “Come, sit with us!”

“Are you sure?” Merlin threw a shy look around, deliberately not looking at Arthur.

Mordred laughed. “You can keep an eye on our stuff. And if some nasty fans attack us, you have to save us!”

Grinning, Merlin slid into the empty chair, sipped his beer and listened to the guys talk. He didn’t have much to add to the conversation since most of the time he had no clue who or what they were talking about.

“So, Merlin, what do you do when you’re not guarding our stuff?” Leon asked and all the eyes at the table turned on him.

Merlin turned his glass in his hands and then looked up. “You mean other than working for the security company? I’m in the middle of writing my dissertation in literature and I tutor a few hours a week at the university.” He grinned widely when he saw the surprised looks on the others’ faces.

“You…you’re some kind of professor?” Percy blinked.

Shaking his head, Merlin smiled. “Not yet, but I hope to be one day.”

“Literature. That means you read a lot…” Mordred made a face.

“That too. You should try it, reading is fun.”

Arthur hadn’t said a word and lifted his glass to down the rest of his beer. “I’m going to get the next round. Any special wishes?”

Merlin blinked when Arthur got up and made his way through the pub without crutches. It was good to see him healing but he didn’t have time to dwell on that since the others asked Merlin a couple of questions before the topic turned to other things again and after a while, Mordred, Leon and Percy said their good-byes.

Merlin tried to think of a reason to leave, too, but the fresh glass of beer that Arthur had brought with the others’ was still half full and why let a good beer go to waste?

Arthur didn’t say anything for a long time. “Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?”

“Why didn’t I say what?”

“That you’re really clever and all that.” Arthur gestured.

Laughing, Merlin took another sip of his beer. “Why would I go about telling everyone? It’s more fun to let people find out.”

“So you like being underestimated?”

“That’s up to the other person. It’s their mistake to think that I just do that security job because I’m too dumb to do anything else.”

“Then why do you do this job?”

Merlin looked at Arthur. “Because not everyone can do a sport on a professional level and take home tons of money. I need to pay the rent and my other living expenses. You know, a man’s gotta eat.” He winked.

Arthur grinned. “Doesn’t look like there’s a lot of money left for food, skinny as you are.”

“Well, I don’t have the time to work out for hours each day or else I’d look like Percy.”

Laughing, Arthur leaned forward. “What do you do with all your spare time?”

“Spare time? I don’t have any spare time. During the day, I have to be at the university to tutor and work on my thesis and then it’s time to leave for work again. I usually don’t come home before midnight, most of the time later. A bit of sleep and off to the computer again.” This sounded like a very tight schedule. And it was one that Merlin actually tried to keep, but he failed most days, sleeping longer than intended, not doing as much work as he wanted and it wasn’t as if he had to work at a venue every night.

“Busy bee. There’s not much space for social life, eh?”

Shaking his head, Merlin looked at Arthur. Damn, those blue eyes seemed to be even more intense when they were this close. “My social life these days is a night in front of TV with my flat mate.”

“Miriam!”

“Mithian.” Merlin grinned. Even though he got the name wrong, it seemed that Arthur had listened to what he said in their short exchanges. Maybe he wasn’t so much of an airhead after all?

“And you’re not meeting new people at every event? I think I saw your company at the O2 the other week, what else do you do?”

“Meeting new people? Tons of them,” Merlin chuckled, “but it’s difficult to build a relationship on ‘The bathrooms? To your left and then down the corridor, just follow the signs’.”

Arthur laughed. “Guess so. But there must be enough people who want to meet you after the event?”

“Sometimes. And sometimes they’re not even drunk when they say that.”

“But?”

“Do you know what it does to your body when you’re standing around for seven hours in the cold? Or in the heat? In horribly loud music? When you only have a five minute break in which you can decide if you want to go to the loo or rather have a banana that you have along? Trust me, even if it’s just a footie game, you’re shot and all you want is a shower and to put up your achy feet.”

Arthur eyed him with interest. “I never knew. It looks so easy to just stand about and look good. How did you get to do this? What was the most dangerous situation you’ve been in? What great concerts have you seen?”

Merlin grinned. Nobody who hadn’t done the job before really gave it any thought. And if Arthur wanted to hear stories, Merlin had tons of them to tell. “You know, each time you think you’ve seen it all, something takes you by surprise.” He grinned.

“That’s a lot of responsibility for almost no money, isn’t it?”

Nodding, Merlin shrugged. “It can be fun, too.” Then he dished out the story of the woman who wanted to smoke inside the building and not in the designated smokers’ area outside since “The air was so bad out there from all those smokers”.

Before Merlin knew it, it was time to leave and they got up and grabbed their jackets from the backs of their chairs.

As they stood outside the pub, Merlin gestured in one direction. “Tube station’s over there.”

“Taxis are over there. Can I drop you off somewhere?” Arthur grinned and pointed to the other direction. Taking the tube was something Arthur hadn’t done in years and he really didn’t want this evening to end yet. Merlin was interesting to talk to, maybe they could…

“Thanks, but don’t bother. I’ll be home in fifteen. I guess I’ll see you at the stadium.” Merlin lifted his hand for a wave and his eyes went wide when Arthur leaned in and kissed him.

“Okay.” Arthur hoped his disappointment didn’t show. “Yeah, see you.” He turned and wandered in the indicated direction.

Merlin stood there for a long time, staring after Arthur, feeling his lips tingle.

+++

Arthur woke up with a slight hangover. It was nothing that lots of water and a couple of aspirin couldn’t cure, but he groaned anyway. What the fuck had he done last night?

He had felt weird when Leon came back from the bar with Merlin in tow. The tall, big-eared steward who was on his mind way too often lately. But their relationship, if you could call it that, had changed in the past months. In the beginning, Merlin had only been a joke for him, a new target to bully and tease. Just that Merlin hadn’t given and didn’t let him get away with things, being quick to parry his verbal attacks with witty remarks of his own.

First, they hadn’t spoken, Arthur had been too busy watching Merlin follow the conversation with a twinkle in his eye, the little grin on his face indicating more than once that he didn’t utter what he thought but that he seemed to have a good time. The way his fingers slid over the moist glass before he lifted it to drink and the way his Adam’s apple bopped when he did produced pictures in Arthur’s mind that were at least X-rated.

When the others finally had vanished, Arthur had learned more about Merlin in two hours than all of the time they knew each other before. Not only did he surprise him by being one of the really smart kids with a university degree but he was well-organized, determined, focused on his goals, witty and he seemed to speak ‘sarcasm’ as fluent as his mother tongue. Which was fun to listen to, the more beer Merlin had, the more he slipped back into his native accent – Arthur would find out where that came from – but he found that he didn’t have any trouble following what he said.

Arthur sat up and rubbed his eyes after swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress, yawning widely. This bit of hangover was worth it, he didn’t have that much fun in ages. He got up, testing his leg, which was a lot better these days. That little bit of stinging would vanish, too, and he’d be back in training in no time.

Groaning and shielding his eyes against the light coming from the window, he wondered what to do next. The little good-night-peck he had given out so freely could be dangerous. Merlin wasn’t the bloke to sell gossip to the press, they’d found that out before, but someone could have seen them? Someone could have noticed that he was who he was? And what would Merlin think?

A few weeks back, Merlin had told him that he wasn’t interested in women. Or at least, he indicated as much. That didn’t mean that he wanted to get it on with him. And…did he, Arthur, really want to get it on with Merlin? Yesterday at this time – Arthur peeked at the clock to find it was already after noon – he would have answered that question with a whole-hearted YES. But that was before he knew that Merlin was not only the little dumb steward he appeared to be, before he’d found out that Merlin was a well-educated man. What if Merlin couldn’t imagine spending time with a simple football player?

And why was he having these thoughts anyway? It wasn’t as if he’d proposed to Merlin, right?

For good measure, he popped in two aspirins and washed them down with two glasses of water. He had three hours before he had to show up at the doctor’s practice to have his knee checked again.

+++

“Mithi, swear by all that is holy to you that you won’t tell anyone!”

“I swear, now tell me! You don’t get invited to drink with a bunch of footie players every day, what happened?” She leaned forward and looked at him with wide eyes.

“I kind of surprised them.”

“With what? Merlin!” Groaning, she pulled back and shook her head. “You didn’t dance on the table again, did you?”

Chuckling as she had to remind him of the worst night of his life when he had totally lost control and offered to strip for the whole room, Merlin shook his head. “I behaved.”

“Then…what did you do?” Mithian even forgot the toast in her hand.

“They asked what I do besides guarding their stuff and I told them.”

Blinking, Mithian reached for her cup. “How did they react?”

“I think they were a bit in awe. All of them had underestimated me.” He smirked.

“Did they treat you differently later?” She put a thick layer of jam on her toast.

Folding one leg underneath him so his foot would warm up, Merlin shook his head. “Not really. A bit, maybe. But not in a bad way. More like…with renewed respect or something.”

“Good, and then? You were home way late.” Mithian caught a drop of jam that tried to slide down her chin with her finger and licked it off.

“Then most of them left and it was just Arthur and me.” Merlin slurped a bit of milk from his muesli bowl.

Mithian looked up from her breakfast. “Just Arthur and you.”

“Yeah. And we talked. It was nice.” Merlin couldn’t keep the blush off his face.

“You talked…uh huh.”

“Yeah, we talked until it was time to go.”

“And then?” It seemed her toast was forgotten as Mithian looked at Merlin.

He shoved the rest of his muesli around in its bowl and couldn’t look at her. “Then he kissed me.”

Mithian’s knife cluttered onto the table but she didn’t even notice. “He…Merlin, he did what?”

The excitement was painted all over her face as Merlin threw her a look. “Well, maybe not really kiss. Just a little…you know…for good-night or something.”

“What now? Did he kiss you or didn’t he? I know you haven’t kissed anyone in a long time, Merlin, I know you might get confused easily on that topic. But a kiss is when the lips of one person touch the lips of the other person. It doesn’t matter if you played tonsil-hockey or not. So, did he kiss you?”

Merlin looked up, his lower lip between his teeth and he grinned. “He did.”

+++

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Arthur let out a sigh. This was definitely a close call, but he knew it might not be over yet. Some press bloke had been to the pub and snapped a few photos of them all having a beer. The article wasn’t very interesting as it was just some speculation if the Riders should be out partying when an important game was on the horizon.

But the photo showed Merlin sitting with them. Even though the underline didn’t even mention him, there was no guarantee that the press person hadn’t waited until the others were gone and took a few more pics of just him and Merlin at the table – or even worse, when they were standing outside, saying good-bye. Or rather…him kissing Merlin.

What had he thought? Truth was, he hadn’t thought at all. In Merlin’s company he had forgotten that he was the sports bloke, always in the public eye, always having to be careful of his actions. He had felt good. The stories Merlin had told him were entertaining and gave him a whole new view at stewards and the security business. He admired Merlin for juggling his education and this job and was amazed how much work he put into both. And it was fun to watch Merlin talk too, all animatedly so you could really picture the situations. It had felt like a wonderful first date.

If the press person had found out more, their night out wouldn’t be the headline. “Pendragon Gay” would be the headline. Arthur tried to calm down. He wasn’t ready for such a headline , he needed to get back into training without any distractions, no matter how gorgeous and brilliant they were. He didn’t need those headlines at all. Not now, not ever. He couldn’t afford to fight off the press because of his private life and his likes and dislikes. And it wasn’t fair to drag another person, who most likely had no clue at all of what it meant to be in the focus of the press and public, into it. Merlin deserved better. He was a nice bloke who deserved to be with someone who could give him his full attention. Who wasn’t away most of the time on games or training camps or such. Someone who didn’t have to hide this part of himself.

But maybe he was overacting anyway. It seemed as if Merlin enjoyed their time together, too, but that didn’t automatically mean that he was into him, did it? Maybe they were just some kind of friends? Or maybe they were nothing at all but two blokes who had shared a beer or two and that was it? At least Merlin hadn’t punched him in the face when he kissed him. But that might have been due to the surprise of the moment. Or because they were just a little tipsy and Merlin thought this was the result of too much alcohol.

Best thing to do was probably not to mention it again. Yes, that was the solution. Arthur wouldn’t mention it again and if Merlin didn’t say anything, they were fine. Perfect.

If this were so perfect, why was Merlin all he could think about, though?

+++

Merlin whistled on his way to the stadium. This was the first game since he’d met his guys at the pub and he was looking forward to seeing them all again. Especially Arthur, of course, even though he hadn’t heard of him since that night. But why would he? Arthur didn’t even have his number or address.

Of course, Mithian had to show him the article in the paper and clipped it out to stick it to the fridge.

“You’re famous now!” She declared with a giggle and no matter how often Merlin pointed out that his face couldn’t be seen and he wasn’t even mentioned, she insisted that this was his first step out into the world of the rich and famous.

After he put his backpack and his jacket into their room, Merlin signed for the key to the locker room and made his way through the labyrinth most people didn’t even know existed under the stands of the stadium. He was the first one to be there and checked everything as usual to find nothing had changed in the few weeks he hadn’t been there. Even the pretzel someone had given him and that he had hidden next to the fire hose only to forget about it was still there, neatly wrapped in its paper bag and hard as stone. So much for the firefighters checking their equipment. They only walked through the stadium, trying to look good.

Merlin shook his head and went to toss the pretzel out, sharing a laugh about it with Andrea who was on position in the staircase today, before he went back to the locker room doors on time for Elyan to arrive.

They exchanged a few words and after a while the first players trickled in, most of them looking relaxed after that little time-off, greeting him with more or less joyful “Hello’s”. Merlin knew that Arthur wasn’t back in training yet – so what if he followed the news on the internet? But he would come to the locker room before the game, wouldn’t he?

“Have you seen DeLancy yet?” Percy had stepped out from the locker room, holding a card in his hand.

“DeLancy?”

“Yeah, Joe, from the FC.”

Oh, one of the players of the other team. Merlin was always happy that by now he knew his guys but that didn’t mean he was into the sport enough to know the face of every single player in the league. “Not sure. They’ve just arrived, I think.”

“I need to…”

Merlin peeked at the card and smiled. “So the big day approaches?”

Percy threw him a look. “How do you know? I mean, sorry man, it wasn’t meant to sound like that. I just…”

“You’d be surprised what I _don’t_ hear.” Merlin winked. “Your secret’s safe with me, don’t worry. This is a pretty nice invite.” Not that he knew much about things like that, but it looked nice to him.

“Freya did all that stuff.” Percy waved his big hand. “Colours and ribbons and invites and such.”

Merlin smiled and nodded politely. He’d only seen Freya once, she was a pretty petit brunette with long hair and large eyes, she and Percy would make a nice couple at the altar. “Exciting stuff, eh?”

“The wedding, yes. The preparations…not so much. Do yourself a favor and don’t get married.” Percy laughed and then spotted the player he’d been looking for. “DeLancy!”

Chuckling, Merlin looked after him. He was in no danger of getting married but it was nice to see Percy so excited.

+++

Arthur climbed out of the car. His injury still kept him from practicing with the team, but at least he could do a light workout – always under Lance’s watchful eye – and thankfully, he was able to drive again. Taking taxis everywhere was just annoying.

He knew the coach would frown at him, but he’d decided against going to the locker room before the game. He would see everybody later in the VIP area after the game. So he was deliberately late – having texted the coach that he was stuck in traffic – and made his way up to the comfortable seats that were reserved for them.

This was the first time he was in the VIP area before a game and he was surprised what the people who paid to be there got for their money. The catering was of the finest quality and the drinks never seemed to cease. Even though he felt like having a beer – come on, this was a footie game, footie and beer belonged together, didn’t they? – he knew it wouldn’t look good, so he went for a water, made as little small-talk as possible, signed some things held his way and smiled for photos with kids and a girl in a wheelchair.

As he went to find his seat a few minutes before the kick-off, Arthur was happy that people had kept him busy. He’d had too much time to think lately anyway and he didn’t always like what he thought. Especially the fact that his mind screamed “COWARD!” at him in capital letters made him squirm. But it was true. What was he doing up here? He belonged with the team, he should be there in the tunnel with them now, having some encouraging words for everyone, knowing about the strategy after being in the team meeting, standing next to the bench during the game for moral support. Instead, he had shown the white feather like the coward he was and avoided Merlin.

He needed to go talk to him later. Maybe while the game was on, there was usually nobody but Merlin in the corridors. He just couldn’t let the situation go on like this. It had been over a week since they had met in the pub, too much time since he’d kissed him. The thought alone made him smile. When he closed his eyes and thought back to it, he could still feel Merlin’s soft lips against his, recall the way he smelled and it was one of the best memories Arthur had collected in ages.

The smile made way for a frown. Arthur knew what he had to do. He needed to tell Merlin that this couldn’t go anywhere for various reasons, all of them thought through a lot of times, rehearsed, ready to be said out loud. Even though it would break his heart a little, his life wasn’t something he could force on Merlin. They needed to go back to player and steward. A polite working relationship, nothing more.

Oh, the game had started without him even noticing.

+++

“Hey.”

Merlin turned and was faced with a good-looking bloke with longish dark hair and a mischievous smile. “Hello.”

“I’m Gwaine and you are cute.”

Merlin felt his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline and he looked around. They were still in the corridors in front of the locker room and not in some seedy club, weren’t they? “Errr…”

“No, really, I mean it. I’m the new guy, the team’s waiting for me.”

Oh, okay, that explained it. Just someone who tried to surprise him enough to be let into the locker room. “Yeah, right.” Merlin grinned. “As if.”

“No, I mean it. I transferred over Christmas. Played for Paris before.”

Of course! Paris! “Paris, France or Paris, Texas?”

The man laughed. “You really are cute. Saint Germain, to be exact. Looked like they didn’t have me on their menu for the next season, so why waste precious time?”

All right, so the bloke could pronounce Saint Germain to make it sound really French, but that didn’t mean anything. While Merlin still tried to decide what to do, Elyan came to his rescue.

“Gwaine! They’re already waiting. Come on.”

The man flicked his hair back and winked at Merlin. “And I mean it, you’re cute. What are you doing later?”

Merlin just stared at the slowly closing door open-mouthed.

+++

When the team was on the field and the game had started, Merlin pulled out his mobile. It didn’t take him long to find “Gwaine Greene a Rider now!” with photos of the man who had called him cute, holding up the Riders’ jersey and smiling for the cameras.

Mentally, Merlin kicked himself. How could he not read up on his guys during the break? How could he miss that there was a new player on the team? But how could he have known that they switched teams during the season? It was probably basic knowledge amongst fans, just that he wasn’t a fan. By now he was nervous with the team when it was an important game, he beamed widely when they won and he felt bad for them when they lost, but that didn’t mean he was a fan. He didn’t need to know every single detail of the league and standings and all that, he just wasn’t interested. But once again he’d made a fool out of himself for not knowing the new player. If there was a next season for him, he would come prepared!

Half-time came and the corridors buzzed with activity again. When Gwaine left the room again to go out on the field, he stopped and smiled. “Have you thought about it?”

Merlin blinked. “About what?”

“What you are doing later? I’d like to get to know you.”

“I’m sure you’re busy with being in the VIP area to get to know your new colleagues.” This bloke couldn’t be real. They both were here to work, he couldn’t shamelessly flirt with him!

Fiddling with his scrunchie that held his hair out of his face, Gwaine threw him a look. “I know most of them already, you’re more interesting. So…a drink? I’m buying.”

Merlin didn’t know what made him do it, but he nodded. “Okay, but just one. I have work tomorrow.”

“Great. Looking forward to it.”

As it got quiet in the corridors again, Merlin wondered why the hell he had done that. Actually, he was still waiting for Arthur to show up. It was strange that he hadn’t been there before the game started. Maybe…maybe he was ashamed of the little kiss they shared? But why? There was nothing to be ashamed of. If he hadn’t liked it, he would have shown Arthur right away, it wasn’t that he was desperate enough to just kiss anyone.

If he was honest, he was. His last relationship was so long ago that some nights he wondered if he’d probably forgotten how it worked. That small kiss had woken him up to what he was missing. Maybe that was why he so quickly agreed to go out for a drink with someone he’d just met, which wasn’t usually his thing to do.

+++

Even Arthur had to admit that this game was boring. His team made more than one mistake that could have been easily avoided and worst of all, it looked as if they stopped fighting. He couldn’t watch this any longer. Checking his watch, Arthur saw that it was almost half-time. He’d wait for a few minutes before he’d make his way down to the locker rooms, so he would catch Merlin when the corridor was empty and then they could talk. It sounded like the best plan ever.

Just that he was in the corridors a bit sooner than he had thought. The team was already on their way back to the field, but there was still a lot of commotion and Merlin had to work. No way did he want to do anything that got Merlin into trouble.

He could say hi and go to the room, talking with Elyan about a jersey he needed for the kid of his doctor and then talk to Merlin when everyone was gone. That sounded good, he would do that.

But as he rounded the corner, he saw Gwaine, the new guy, talking to Merlin. “…you’re more interesting. So…a drink? I’m buying.”

Was he…did Gwaine really…that couldn’t be! It had taken him months to find out that Merlin was into men and all it took Gwaine was a few seconds? This was his first game here, no way could he have met Merlin before. And already he was coming on to him? He needed to do something. Just then, he saw and heard Merlin agree.

Arthur felt sick. It was stupid now to go and explain why they couldn’t take things further. Merlin wasn’t even interested in him. It seemed he just went with anyone who was buying him a beer. Maybe Merlin wasn’t the person he’d thought in the first place. He was probably just there to get his fifteen minutes of fame when he outed one of the players. Or he was one of these groupies who were happy when they could be with someone with celebrity status.

No, that wasn’t Merlin. He was one of the nice guys. He was probably just polite and would wiggle his way out of this later.

Knowing he was being silly, Arthur made his way back to his car. He could still claim that his knee had hurt so much that he needed to go home, when in fact he was just totally confused. That he was about to tell Merlin no didn’t mean he wanted him to be with Gwaine. Nothing against Gwaine, he didn’t even really know the man, but still. If he couldn’t allow himself to be with Merlin, nobody else should either!

+++

“You’re late.” Mithian peeked over the back of the couch when Merlin finally came back. Her hair was all over the place and by the way she squinted at him, Merlin could tell that she had been fast asleep.

“You shouldn’t wait up for me.” He put his backpack down and hung his jacket up as he toed out of his runners.

She ran a hand through her hair and tried to twist it into a knot in the back of her neck. “I wasn’t waiting…I was watching TV.”

“And it was so thrilling that you fell asleep.” Merlin teased as he pulled his orange polo shirt over his head and tossed it into the bathroom.

“Oh, nice show.” Mithian let her eyes slide over his chest. “You know, there are times it’s really a shame that you play for the other team. This is one of them. So, what’s the reason for you being so late?” She sat up.

“Let me get a sweatshirt.” Merlin went to his room and found an old hoodie.

“If you don’t get back here and spill in ten seconds, I’ll…Oh, there you are. Who is he?”

Raising an eyebrow, Merlin went to get himself a water before he sat down. “What do you mean?”

Wrapping her blanket around herself and sipping her cold tea, Mithian threw him a look. “You’re practically beaming and you’re way late. Did you steal another smooch?”

“No smooching. And stop using that word, it’s…I don’t know, I hate it.” Merlin shuddered but couldn’t help grinning.

“Smooch, smooch, smooch-y smooch. There you go. Now spill!”

“After the game I went out.” Merlin sipped his water.

Groaning, Mithian kicked at him. “Details! Now!”

So Merlin told her how Gwaine had asked him and that he had said yes, basically because Arthur wasn’t to be seen all day long and Gwaine was fun and Arthur was not.

“You went out with the new guy? Gwaine? Gwaine Greene? Come on, you’re having me on! You’ve been for a burger at MacDonald’s with the girls and they invented this story!”

“It’s not a story! I thought he was having me on when he was asking and wouldn’t even show, but he waited for me at our room when I was done and then we went to that pub.”

“Merlin, I know you are lonely, but just because this idiot of Pendragon doesn’t say anything you don’t have to invent a night out with another player.” Mithian looked at him over the rim of her tea cup that she was holding with both hands.

“I’m not making this up. I didn’t see A…Pendragon all day long, who cares? I had a nice evening with Gwaine.”

“Then why don’t you give me the details?”

Merlin groaned. “Because you are too busy accusing me of telling tales. Do you want to hear it now or not?”

She grinned. “Of course.”

“He waited for me when I left the room. I thought he had just said it to flirt, to be friendly, but when I was done working, he was right there.”

“Bet the others stared.”

“Oh, yes, there was quite a bit of staring, but you know…that felt good.” Merlin felt himself blush as Mithian giggled. “So we went to this pub, Three White Dragons or something, and we found ourselves a table and he got us some beer and we talked.”

“All night long.”

“Yes, all night long. About this and that. He’s been to Paris, playing there, just came back.”

“I know.”

“You know, he was all cool about me working on my thesis. I think he’s not the stereotypical dumb football player, which is nice.”

Mithian smiled into her tea cup.

“What?”

“If you start now about his great hair and his intense eyes, I’d say you’ve got a little crush.”

“A crush? No! He’s nice and all, but…he’s not my type.”

Mithian leaned forward and patted Merlin’s forearm. “You, my dear, haven’t had any in so long that everything that’s remotely interested in you is your type.”

“No, it isn’t.” Merlin pulled back and pouted.

“What’s your type then? Tall? Blond? Blue-eyed?” Mithian grinned.

“No!” Merlin sunk back into his armchair. “He wasn’t even there today, Mithi.”

“He was up in the stands. I’ve watched the sports news.”

“Oh. Well, then…maybe I should call Gwaine…” He didn’t feel like doing that. It had been a nice evening, but nothing more. Gwaine had been charming, talking and making him laugh, listening and following what he was saying, making him feel special. He had been nice enough to take him home, but he hadn’t asked for another date or even tried to kiss him good-night.

“You don’t sound enthused.” Mithian started to untangle herself from her blanket cocoon.

“I don’t know. It was a fun night, but…”

“…But you like Arthur a lot more than you will ever admit. Maybe he’s just too busy with his injury. Give him time.” She got up, finished the rest of her tea, took her blanket and yawned. “I’m off to bed. I’m glad you had a nice night and that you went out for once. Don’t read too much into it, take it for what it was. Maybe you made a new friend.”

Merlin looked after her as she padded off to her room. Maybe she was right and he was trying to make too much out of nothing and Gwaine wasn’t really interested in him.

+++

Arthur clenched his teeth. What Lance was doing to his knee wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t the reason for his tension.

“Was it that bad yesterday?”

“Yes.” That was a lie. He hadn’t left because his knee hurt, he’d left because…because he was fucking jealous. He still hadn’t talked to Merlin and with each passing minute it got more important. He needed to find out what had happened between Gwaine and Merlin.

“Arthur?”

Arthur blinked. “What?”

“Where are you today? I said if the knee gives you that much trouble, we should postpone the gym and the practice for another few days.” Lance looked at him.

“No, it’s just…Lance, I’m going crazy. I need to move my body, you know? And this stupid injury immobilizes me, most days I just sit about on my couch. I have to start with some kind of training, give me something to do.”

Lance patted his upper arm. “I hear you, mate. But I need to know how much it really hurts. If we send you out there too soon, it might take you out for the rest of the season. And nobody wants that to happen.”

Arthur blew out a deep breath as he sat up.

“It’s not the knee that’s bothering you, is it?”

Arthur’s eye snapped up at Lance. “What do you mean?” What had given him away? This was Lance, Lance was okay, he would never tell anyone, but it was still troubling that Arthur had been not careful enough.

Lance smiled. “I’ve been treating guys for many years now, Arthur. I know when their heads aren’t in the game. And now go to the gym, just a light work-out, concentrate on your arms and back, not on your legs.”

“Could I do some cycling?”

“Not yet. You’ll just put the most weight on your good leg and that will imbalance you.”

Sliding off the bench, Arthur put most of his weight on the bad leg experimentally. It still felt weird, but a lot better than weeks ago. And a light work-out might take his thoughts off of Merlin or get enough blood into his brain to figure out what to do about him. He knew he needed to forget the man, but it was wasn’t fair to him to not tell him why.

+++

Damn! Did everything have to go wrong lately? First he had deleted an important file he needed for his dissertation and worked hours to get the data back only to notice he was late for work. So he jumped into his work clothes, put a bottle of water and a banana into his backpack and toed his shoes on. As Merlin reached for his backpack, he already turned to grab his keys and jacket, not looking where he swung the backpack to. His ring finger caught on the doorframe and it took Merlin’s breath away. He saw little stars dancing in front of his eyes and leaned against the doorframe for a moment, not even noticing that he had dropped his backpack. Fuck! That hurt! It felt as if he had bent the finger all the way backwards . Was it broken? Even though it hurt, he could move it, it was more the joint in the hand that hurt. Could that break? Fuck fuck fuck, he was late already, he couldn’t stand here whining all day. So he shrugged into his jacket and made his way to the stadium, hoping his hand would stop aching soon.

When he was finally on his position, he had the time to examine his hand a bit closer. Was the finger swollen? Probably a bit? Maybe he could ask Elyan for some ice to cool it and it would feel better.

“What’s wrong?” Lance came out of the locker room.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Maybe…maybe you could spare a bit of ice?” Merlin still hadn’t looked up.

Lance took his hand and examined it. “What did you do?”

“Putting my finger where it doesn’t belong?” Merlin tried a lame joke and a wry smile but hissed when Lance tried to bend the finger.

“You know what? We’ll tape this joint so you can’t move it, then we’ll put a bit of ice on it and if it isn’t better by tomorrow morning, you’ll go see a doctor, okay? Come on.” Lance held the door to the locker room open.

Merlin felt better right away. Someone who knew about stuff like that took care of him. “I can’t go in there.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not allowed in there. I have to stay here and not let anyone in, I can’t go inside.”

“Don’t be silly. You’re hurt, we’ll try to fix it and you’ll be out here again in no time. Nobody will even notice that you’re gone.”

“You think so?” Their boss could get really weird when people wandered too far away from their designated position. And going into the locker room was an absolute nono.

“Yup, come on. Doctor’s orders.” Lance grinned.

Even though Lance wasn’t exactly a doctor, Merlin took a deep breath and followed. He really needed help with the hand.

They had to cross the whole room to get to the physio’s little torture chamber and for the first time, Merlin could throw a few looks around the room. The uniforms were neatly folded on the benches in front of every locker, the shoes stood underneath – Elyan’s doing. Each locker had a sign with the name of the player and some had equipped their locker with personal items. The little teddy bear in Percy’s locker must have been a good-luck charm Freya had given him and the locker with the pictures of half-naked women pretty surely was Cedric’s. Some lockers bore crosses or other religious insignia and some lockers were stuffed with things on the top shelve.

Merlin smiled as he spotted Gwaine’s locker. It looked as plain as a lot of them, but for the baseball hat on the top shelf. The hat he’d worn the night they went out.

As they came across Arthur’s locker, Merlin’s heart sped up a little. He’d tried to shove all thoughts of Arthur out of his mind – failing miserably - and he was excited to find out what it looked like. To his disappointment, it was just plain. Nothing gave away what he liked or believed in, there was nothing personal in it. But there were the jersey and his shoes lined up for him, which meant he was back on the team, didn’t it?

Lance patched him up in no time and handed him a little plastic bag with crushed ice in it. “Here, cool it once in a while. If you need more, let me know.”

Merlin examined how Lance had just put a couple of stripes of tape on the joint, kind of in a loop and was amazed how efficient that was. Just three little stripes of tape and the joint was almost immobilized. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

When he left the treatment room, Merlin noticed that some of the players had come in and were already undressing.

“There you are, hi Merlin!” Leon waved.

Percy was already out of his jeans and barefoot. “We feared you had abandoned us.”

“Never.” Merlin smiled. It was nice that they had missed him.

“Our jerseys are red, not orange, get changed if you want to play, Professor.” Mordred grinned widely.

“I’d rather leave that to you, you’re much better at it.”

As he opened the door, Merlin almost ran into Arthur. “Errr…Hi.”

Arthur didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked at Merlin.

“Merlin, what are you doing in there!” Owain came down the corridor, his ever-present clipboard in hand.

“Needed to make sure they put on their socks the right way. They’d be lost without me.” Merlin chuckled. Arthur had vanished into the locker room and Merlin felt his tension resolve a bit. That stare had been intense.

“You’re not getting paid as a nanny, you know? What were you really doing in there?”

Merlin showed Owain the tape on his finger, explained what had happened and that Lance had been so kind to take care of him.

Owain nodded. “Okay. Are you alright? If you need to go home, call me, okay? We’ll find a replacement.”

“Nah, I’m fine. I’m feeling a lot better already.” Which was true. A bit of tape, some kind words and a bag of ice were all that it took. “And actually, I’ve been in there to utter my usual threat.”

“And what would that be?”

“If they dare to lose, I’m going to shower with them. Threat enough for them to win.” Merlin winked as Owain laughed and continued his way, shaking his head.

 

+++

“Are you okay?”

Merlin looked up when he heard Gwaine asking. “Yeah, I’m fine. Lance took care of it.”

Gwaine reached for his hand and examined it and that sent shivers down Merlin’s spine. Lance had touched him the same way, but it didn’t have half the effect on him.

“You know what helps with injuries like this?” Gwaine grinned at him.

“Not moving it and cooling it?”

“Going out for a drink or a burger after the game.”

Merlin smiled at the expectant look but shook his head. “I don’t think so. It’s been a tough day, I’ll just go home and put my feet up and fall asleep in front of the TV or something.”

“Come on, don’t be spoilsport. Let’s go out dancing and it’ll take your mind off of it and you’ll feel better immediately.”

“Not tonight, Gwaine.” Merlin just didn’t feel like it. He’d had a lot of fun that first time he’d been out with Gwaine and still was surprised how little Gwaine cared about anyone finding out about his sexuality. But he just wanted to go home after work, he had too much on his mind.

Gwaine winked. “I hear ‘Some other time I’d love to go out with you again, Gwaine.’” He grinned widely and made his way to the field to warm up.

Before Merlin could find out how he felt about this, Mordred left the locker room. “Seems like you have a fan, Professor.”

Merlin grinned. It was kind of sweet how Mordred had taken to call him ‘Professor’ after that evening in the pub. In the beginning, he had argued that he wasn’t a professor yet and that it might never happen, but Mordred wouldn’t let go, so he just laughed it off.

“Probably.”

“So,” Mordred looked at him, “you’re into that stuff?”

“Going out with friends? Having a beer? You know I’m into that stuff.” Merlin checked his hand nervously. Not everybody needed to know that he was gay.

“Okay.” Mordred made his way to the big double doors that separated the corridor from the tunnel to the field. “You know, I don’t mind. I don’t care if people are into this or that. You’re a decent bloke, that’s all that matters.”

Merlin stared after him. Mordred had probably meant it reassuringly and hadn’t thought anything about it but dubious compliments like that always made Merlin squirm. “You’re a decent bloke, so it’s not _that_ bad that you like cock.” As if it made him a different person that he wasn’t into boobs and long hair.

+++

“…The new forward of the Riders seems to be playing for the home team.”

Merlin dropped his backpack, hung up his jacket and stretched. It had been a long night at the concert with all kinds of crazy people pulling stupid stunts. He was totally knackered. “What kind of crap are you watching?”

Mithian had a foot up on the coffee table and was putting some greenish glittery polish on her toe nails. “Hey there. Oh, don’t know, just something I stumbled upon.”

“This looks like some alien puked on your toes.” Merlin kicked his shoes off and pulled his work polo over his head.

“Thanks, I love you, too. Go, get a shower, then I’ll do your nails.” Mithian grinned.

“…Gwaine Green has been spotted leaving this club at around three in the morning in the company of some other young men last weekend.”

They both looked to the screen where a laughing Gwaine had his arm around the shoulder of some redhead as they left one of the very well-known gay clubs.

“Merlin…” Mithian threw him a look as Merlin just stood there.

“It’s okay, Mithi, I told him off last time. He wanted to go out clubbing but I didn’t, so he went and found someone else to party with. Totally okay.” Just that it wasn’t. Merlin was tired, confused by what he was feeling, still angry at Arthur, who hadn’t said a single word last time. He knew he liked Gwaine and if it wasn’t for Arthur, he would probably be the bloke Gwaine left the club with in the footage. Oh, why did he bother at all? Fucking footballers. He would just do his job there and nothing more and finally finish his thesis sometime soon and then he wouldn’t have to do this job any longer and could forget about this little confusion of the heart.

Mithian didn’t buy a single word and sighed. “Go, take your shower. And when you’re back, I’ll do your nails. And you can even pick the colour!”

Leave it to Mithian to cheer him up. Merlin chuckled despite himself and made his way to the bathroom.

+++

Of course all the news had to be about that damned Gwaine! Arthur frowned when he watched the sports channel. That he was back on the team and had a really good first game after his injury was only a footnote. Greene had stolen the headlines with his going to gay clubs and hanging out with blokes.

It wasn’t so much that Arthur envied that Gwaine got all the attention. If he were honest, the thought of being found out like that bothered him a lot more.

He tossed his sports bag into a corner and went to get himself a beer. He was still on meds and shouldn’t drink alcohol, but he didn’t care. While the match was on, he had been able to concentrate on it, luckily. He almost re-injured himself during warm-ups, thinking of Merlin’s face. Merlin hadn’t said more than ‘Hi’ and then looked the other way, gone was the Merlin who joked and teased. Arthur knew he had to do something.

Drinking half of his beer in one go, Arthur burped and threw himself on the couch. He knew he needed to do something. He wanted the old Merlin back, the one who constantly mocked him, the one who cared. It hurt that Merlin seemed to have stopped caring about him. What if he obtained another injury? Would Merlin run full speed from the other end of the corridor to open the doors again? Would he come to his rescue if some crazy fan kissed him? Arthur guessed that those times were over. And it was his own fault.

For a moment, he pondered calling Gwaine. Gwaine would have Merlin’s number, right? If he had his number, he would just call him and tell him that they could only be friends, nothing more. And come on, it wasn’t as if they had fucked all night. It had been a single innocent kiss. It meant nothing.

Just that it meant a whole lot to Arthur. He hadn’t kissed a man since school. He’d gone out and fucked them in clubs and even at hotels that rented by the hour. He’d paid for sex if the bloke was gorgeous enough. But he’d never kissed anyone. Fucking was just sex. Kissing meant emotions. And this one little kiss had unleashed tons of emotions and Arthur didn’t know how to handle them. It was best to shove them all back to where they were before.

Arthur didn’t envy the headlines Gwaine got, but he envied the way Gwaine handled them. There had been interviews and Gwaine had flirted his way out of tricky questions, joking, laughing, never denying the allegations, nor confirming them. Arthur knew he couldn’t act that way.

But maybe he was making too much of a fuss out of everything anyway. Merlin acted strangely, yes, but maybe that was because he had found out that he liked Gwaine a lot more or didn’t like Arthur at all. And how did it happen that he was into someone so quickly? Someone he didn’t even like in the beginning? Maybe it was just because he had too much time to think lately. This was distracting. He needed to focus on his career. He couldn’t let any bloke with dark hair and blue eyes keep him from following his dream. He wanted to wear the Three Lions jersey one day and nobody was going to stop him. But why did the thought of shutting Merlin out of his life make him feel so uncomfortable? He really needed to talk to him to find a few things out.

+++

Merlin rolled his head and stretched. He’d been sitting here in the library for hours, hunting down some text he needed for his dissertation and he was happy with the way things progressed. He felt very accomplished when he packed up his notebook and his papers. Now he only needed to put this stuff into his own words and his dissertation would be as good as done.

As he stuffed his things into his backpack – the nice one, not the old raggedy one he used for work – he felt someone stepping up to his table.

“Hi.”

Looking up, Merlin didn’t know what say. Arthur? What was he doing here? It was almost comical how out of place and uncomfortable Arthur seemed to feel.

“Merlin…I…Can we talk?”

Talk. Now Arthur wanted to talk. They hadn’t exchanged more than ‘Hi’ and ‘Bye’ for weeks and now he wanted to talk? “This is a library, Arthur, it’s really not a place to talk.”

“Can we go…I don’t know…to the cafeteria or something?”

Merlin took his backpack. He didn’t know what to think or feel. For weeks Arthur seemed to have avoided him. And now he showed up out of nowhere and demanded his attention. “Why?”

“I really…I need to…”

Arthur looked desperate and Merlin felt almost sorry for him, almost. “There’s a coffee shop down the street. Shouldn’t be too busy at this time of day. Meet you there in ten.” With that, he turned and let Arthur stand there. There was no need to explain that he had to check on a few things and that he really needed to go to the loo first. And it would give him a bit of time.

When Merlin entered the coffee shop a while later, Arthur was already waiting for him, hovering near the counter.

“I didn’t know what you wanted.”

“I still don’t know what you want,” Merlin muttered under his breath but then turned to Gwen and smiled. “The usual, Gwen.”

“The usual for Merlin,” Gwen shouted over her shoulder. “Anything else for you today? We’ve got these really great brownies. Merlin, you need to have one and rescue me!”

Totally forgetting about Arthur, Merlin grinned at her. “Will you get in trouble if you don’t sell them or will you be your own best customer?”

“The latter.” She giggled and handed him his coffee.

“Not now, Gwen, maybe later. Thanks.” He paid and threw Arthur a look and then went to find a table. Usually, he would have gone for the one in the front corner. There was enough light to work if you wanted and it gave you a great view if you just came here to enjoy your coffee and to watch the people passing by. But he figured that it would draw attention to Arthur, whose face was well-known, and even though nobody really expected him to show up this close to the campus, Merlin didn’t want to be interrupted by people asking for autographs or photos.

When Arthur found him in the far corner, away from the street and not visible from the entrance, he sat down with his own coffee, turning his mug in his hands. “Thanks, this is very considerate.”

“Don’t mention it.” Merlin was nervous. What did Arthur want? He’d made it very clear with his behaviour that he didn’t want anything to do with him after that night at the pub.

“Listen, Merlin…I…” Arthur looked up and Merlin noticed the dark rings underneath his eyes.

“I have a meeting with my doctoral advisor in an hour. I don’t mean to be rude, but whatever it is, you better…”

Arthur looked down at his coffee. “I’m sure you wondered why I acted so strange lately.”

“Maybe.” Of course he had wondered. If Merlin was honest, he’d been staring at the ceiling quite a few nights wondering just that.

“It’s not that easy.”

Merlin leaned back and said nothing, waiting for an explanation.

“You know…It’s just not something you are in our sport.”

“The word is ‘gay’.”

“Yes, that.”

“You can’t even bring yourself to say it.” Merlin sighed. He should have known that this was the problem.

“As I said, it’s not that easy. My whole career stands and falls with this.” Arthur was visibly struggling for words.

Merlin took a sip of his coffee. “Your career stands and falls with your performance on the field, it stands and falls with how much you can do to your body, how hard you can work out. Not with your sexuality.”

“That’s not true. You see what they’re doing to Gwaine at the moment. I just can’t go through this. And I can’t put you through it either.” Arthur looked up.

For a moment, Merlin just blinked. “Gwaine seems to handle it just fine.”

“But I’m not Gwaine. Listen, Merlin, I could never just laugh it off, I couldn’t stand if people snooped through my private life at any given moment, it’s difficult enough as it is. He gets a lot of hate, too. And that’s something you shouldn’t have to face.”

“Me? What does this have to do with me?” Merlin felt uneasy. What was Arthur really trying to tell him?

“Listen…I’m…The night at the pub…Fuck, I like you, is that so hard to understand?” Arthur shoved his mug aside.

Merlin coughed on the coffee he was just about to drink. He blinked. “You…you like me?” First he called him names, then he ignored him after that one innocent little kiss and now he blurted out that he liked him?

Arthur threw his head back and let out a desperate sounding laugh. “I might not be good with words, but come on, you must have noticed.”

“Well, that kiss was kind of an indicator. But then you never said anything.” Merlin couldn’t keep the smile off his face, though.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur made a face. “As I said, it’s not that easy. All I’ve ever wanted was to be good at soccer. I’ve been working for this since I was little. One day I want to play for my country, that’s my goal and I need to stay focused.”

“And you’re saying being with someone takes your focus off that goal?” Merlin frowned. Arthur was really nothing but a prat. First he told him that he liked him and then he threw the door into his face.

“You see what’s happening with Gwaine? They call him names, the press follows him everywhere, he can’t breathe without someone taking notes. It’s something I can’t afford, I need good headlines, maintain the image. And can you imagine what they’d do to you if we let this go anywhere? Merlin, I had my first encounter with the press when I was seventeen. At least I know how to handle them. But you? You’re such a trusting soul, they would eat you alive!”

The frown on Merlin’s face deepened. “You really think I’ll tell the press everything I know? If that were so, I could make a lot of money selling all you guys’ secrets to them. I’m not a child, Arthur, I can stand up for myself.”

“Yeah, but…” Arthur reached over and put his hand on Merlin’s and Merlin was tempted to just pull it away.

“No ‘but’. What you said is very clear. Your career is more important than your private life. You would never risk being found out. You’ve already decided that you can’t be with me.”

“I’d love to, though. If you wanted the same.” The look in Arthur’s eyes made Merlin swallow hard.

“Oh, now you remember to ask. After that evening in the pub, I thought we had something going. I knew it was different since you’re a “public hero” and it wouldn’t be easy. But I would have liked to give it a try.” Merlin pulled his hand away. “But you didn’t even remember to ask what I wanted. You decided it can’t go anywhere and now you make up all this oh-so-good reasons why _you_ think this is the right thing to do.”

“Merlin, I understand that you are angry. I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell you. I shouldn’t…It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“You’re right,” Merlin shoved his chair back and got up, “it’s your fault. But not for kissing me. It’s your fault because you never asked what I wanted.”

“Merlin! Don’t go like this…”

“Good bye, Arthur.”

+++

“Where’s the professor?” Mordred pulled the beanie off his head and tossed it on the top shelf of his locker.

“Haven’t seen him today. Maybe he’s late?” Percy was already in his undies and scratched his chest before he reached for his goalie jersey.

Leon neatly put his shoes in the space his cleats had been standing and then folded his t-shirt. “They can’t be late. Only who’s there on time will get paid. He’s not coming today.”

“What makes you the expert on Merlin?” Arthur snarled. He’d tried to not get involved in the discussion, he needed to concentrate on the game, had to forget about Merlin. So it had come as a pleasant surprise not to be confronted with him today. Then again, Merlin was reliable, there had to be something important that he wasn’t guarding the locker room door.

“Jealous?” Gwaine grinned and tossed the sock he had just pulled off at Arthur.

“Keep your filthy socks away from me!” Arthur was already fully dressed.

Gwaine laughed it off. “Someone’s in a foul mood today.”

“Someone wants to concentrate on his work.” Which was difficult enough. The icy tone in which Merlin had told him off still stung. He didn’t know what he had expected, probably some understanding, maybe that Merlin acknowledged the difficulties he could run into. Arthur had gone to gently let Merlin off. Instead he felt as if Merlin had dumped him.

As Arthur stomped to the locker room door, Gwaine murmured something about “The fucking bitch needs to get laid, that would solve some of his issues.” Growling at the girl guarding their door that day, he went to do his warm-up routine. He needed to go out there and show everyone that he was a worthy candidate for the next line-up of Team England. That’s what he had to do and nothing else. Especially not pining over a steward/professor-wannabe.

When he came back to the tunnels, Merlin was standing there as if nothing had happened. “Errr…Hi.”

“Hello, Arthur.”

The smile he’d needed so desperately was gone when Merlin looked at him and Arthur cringed when he saw the disappointment and pity in his eyes. Anger he could deal with, even contempt, but this was much worse.

“Merlin! There you are!”

Arthur grit his teeth. Of course Gwaine had to barge in right now.

“Hey Gwaine.” There it was, the wide smile that wrinkled up Merlin’s eyes. The smile Arthur wanted back. But now it seemed to be Gwaine’s.

“Where have you been?”

“Had to take my elderly neighbor to a doctor’s appointment. I hope Jeanie did a good job?”

“The best. Is your neighbor okay?”

Arthur still stood there and watched the exchange. His hands, clenched into tight fists at his sides, desperately wanted to connect with the large nose of the stupid Irishman.

“Yeah, don’t worry, she just needed some moral support.” Merlin smiled.

Running a hand through his hair to fiddle the hairband in, Gwaine nodded. “You need to take care of her later? Or do you have time for a beer?”

Did he imagine things or had Merlin’s eyes flickered over to him? Arthur felt like interfering, but he had no right to do so. He had all given that up when he didn’t even manage to buy Merlin a coffee and then messed it all up.

“Sure, why not? And how about that burger you promised the other day?”

Gwaine laughed. “I hear you, man. And I know just the place.”

Chuckling Merlin nodded. “Looking forward to it. Now go, warm up. I don’t want to miss out on the burger because you pull a muscle or something.”

Arthur rushed out to the field, clenching his teeth.

+++

“Mithi? Mithi, is that you?” Merlin had changed into a pair of sweatpants and his favourite hoodie.

Tossing her key into the bowl on the little sideboard by the door, she giggled. “No, I’m an evil burglar, opening the door with my very own key. Who else would it be?” She shrugged out of her coat and sighed as she took her high heels off.

“I only came back a few minutes ago and you weren’t here.” He hadn’t meant for it to sound so accusing, but it was odd when he came back after work and she wasn’t there.

Stretching, she reached for the fastening of her bra and once again sighed when she managed to open it. Merlin never understood why women did this to themselves, but he admired how Mithian managed to take it off without taking her top off first, wriggling, bending and stretching until she could pull the bra out of one of her sleeves. “Contrary to popular belief, I do have a social life. I don’t live on that couch, you know.”

“I know. Did you have a nice evening?” Merlin almost bounced on his feet.

“Yes, I did, thanks for asking. Let me take the make-up off and change into something more comfortable, then you can tell me about your evening.” She got up on her toes and put a kiss on his cheek, leaving a bright red lipstick mark.

Frantically wiping at it, Merlin made a face. One good thing about liking men was that they didn’t leave lipstick marks, at least the ones Merlin preferred. “What makes you think that I have something to tell?”

“You’re bouncing and you will explode if you can’t get it out. Make us some tea, would you?”

 

Later, they were snuggled in blankets on the couch, sipping their tea.

“It’s just incredible.” Merlin smiled.

“Are you sure?”

“Mithi, the way he looks at me…like I’m the only thing in the world that matters. Well, I know the moment he looks away something or someone else is the most important thing in the world, but…the way it makes me feel…”

Raising an eyebrow, Mithian took another sip of tea. “You know, I don’t want to ruin it for you. It’s nice to see you so excited. But…would you really want to be with someone like that?”

“Someone like that?”

“Yeah, I mean, you said he flirts with everything and everyone. Would drive me crazy. And I don’t think you would like it either, you’re the romantic type, you want to be courted, you want to be the only person in the world that matters to the one you’re with. Gwaine doesn’t sound like he is that one.”

“I…I know, Mithi.” Merlin sighed. “It’s just…I know all that. I know that he doesn’t have the patience to wait for anyone. So if I don’t give him what he wants, he’ll find someone else who does. But can’t I just enjoy an evening of food, drinks and good talk?”

“I’m happy that you did enjoy it. Was that all there was?” She looked at him expectantly.

Merlin couldn’t hold a little chuckle back. “No. There was a proper good-night kiss, too.”

“Just that?”

“You’re not nosy at all, are you?”

“Was there?”

“If there had been more, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you discussing this, would I?”

She looked at him for a long time. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t. Just…be careful.”

Merlin threw her a look. “I’ve known how to use condoms since I was fifteen.”

“Not what I meant.” Mithian finished her tea and yawned. “Just don’t let him trample on your heart, hear me?”

“Don’t worry. It’s not like I want to grow old with him. It’s just…I don’t know. Let me feel good in his company. If there will be more, there will be more. If not, fine as well.” Merlin knew how fast he crushed on people and how devastated he was when they didn’t return his feelings. So he decided to take it slow this time and just see Gwaine as a friend.

Mithian got up. “Good boy.” She kissed the top of his head and made her way to her room.

 

+++

Arthur felt constantly grumpy. The first thought he had in the morning was how Merlin had laughed with Gwaine and the last thing he thought about at night was how much he wanted things between him and Merlin to go back to normal.

He shouldn’t have cared about this so much. Nothing had happened, really. It was just a little kiss. Nothing more. But the more difficult the situation between him and Merlin got, the more he wanted to right it again.

During the day, when they were in training or at team meetings, at the gym or talking tactics, he managed to concentrate. But as soon as his time was his own again, Arthur tried to figure out what exactly had gone wrong. He knew pretty well that it was him who made the mistake. He should never have kissed Merlin. But with everything he tried to do, it seemed to get worse.

And now Merlin’s smiles were reserved for Gwaine. Which wasn’t really true, Merlin smiled at everyone. But him. That was a clear sign that Merlin was still angry. And if Arthur was honest, he had every right to be cross with him. He had made the decisions and had done what was best for himself, not even trying to find out what Merlin wanted. And now he had to deal with it.

Aside from being a downright arse to Gwaine most of the time, Arthur had taken to going out a lot. Usually, he didn’t even care about the events he went to. The only important thing was that Merlin’s security company was there. Arthur had managed to charm Elena at the office into telling him which events Merlin had signed up for and bought tickets to all of them.

He had seen and had to listen to a few really bad concerts in the past weeks, some so loud that he had a ringing in his ears when he came back home, others with music that just bored him out of his mind. And it wasn’t as if he got to see Merlin at all of them. Some events, Merlin was on the parking lot or out in the corridors that were deserted as soon as the event started, so Arthur couldn’t hide in the crowd and he had to sit through two hours of classical music or some performance of not very funny comedians without even getting a glimpse.

Arthur knew what he did wasn’t healthy. He was nothing but a stupid stalker. Watching, taking in every little detail and having more than one good wank about everything later.

But the more he saw Merlin act and react, the more he fell for him. It was a total turn-on when Merlin had to get fierce because some visitor tried to get away with stupid stuff. The way his face got all…what was that word he’d read on the internet lately? Bamf? Yes, Merlin got all bamf and it sent shivers down Arthur’s spine when he saw him straightening his shoulders and how he got the visitors to behave with just words and gestures.

Other encounters were very sweet and made Arthur smile. He watched how Merlin handled young girls who were close to fainting about seeing their idols on stage, kindly talking to them until he could hand them off to the paramedics. Or that one time, when Merlin talked to an elderly woman and she reached up and pinched his cheek before she happily made her way to her seat.

And now Arthur found himself in the seats of a venue and wondered what on earth made him buy a ticket for this event. It was a puppet show, some kind of musical, from a kids’ cartoon on TV. He was surrounded by mostly young mothers with children no older than six. The noise level before the show was incredible and Arthur knew he preferred the noise in the stadium at a game over this any day. If he didn’t get to see Merlin today, he would be very grumpy, he knew.

But there he was, at one of the emergency exits, looking good in his orange polo shirt. Had he gotten a haircut? Arthur smiled.

Merlin dealt with children and parents alike, always a friendly smile on his face. Arthur watched as he addressed a crying kid, squatting down in front of the little girl and he would have given a lot to be able to hear what was being said. After a few words, Merlin lifted the girl up and sat her on a stool next to him, pulling faces and making her laugh until a frantic mother rushed over a few moments later and picked the girl up in her arms. The little one leaned over and kissed Merlin’s cheek before she left with her mother, looking back and waving at Merlin, who waved back and blew her little kisses.

That was the moment Arthur knew he had it bad. When he thought he just had a crush on Merlin after the pub-incident, he knew he was a crazy stalker. But when he saw him dealing with the little girl, something inside Arthur melted. There were so many facets to Merlin and he wanted to get to know them all. And if he couldn’t allow it to go anywhere, they could at least be friends, couldn’t they?

The show was horrible, lots of repetitions and the most simple of tunes that ate their way into your brain to never leave again, but the children around him enjoyed it immensely. Arthur knew he wasn’t in the target group and he hadn’t come here for the show anyway. But if they sang that one song one more time, he would scream. He needed a beer. Which they probably wouldn’t even sell at an event like this, but he had to try.

So he made his way out of the room when he saw that someone had come to replace Merlin for his break. He wouldn’t miss anything, so he made his way to the drinks stand. The corridors were empty, there would be no lines, which was a good thing. Arthur wasn’t used to standing in line.

Just as he found the sign showing him the way to the next drinks stand, Merlin came down the corridor. There was nobody and nothing to hide behind, since nobody else was there and of course, Merlin had spotted him.

“Arthur.”

Arthur didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t seen Merlin this close in weeks since Merlin always found something to do when he was around at the stadium. “Hi, Merlin.”

“What are you doing here?”

Strangely Merlin sounded a lot more tired than surprised.

“I’m…enjoying the show.”

If it hadn’t been so awkward, Arthur would have laughed at the raised eyebrow. “You’re enjoying ‘Fireman Fred’?”

“Errr…yeah?”

“Well, then…enjoy the rest of the show too.”

As Merlin tried to step around him, Arthur reached for his arm. “Merlin…listen, I’m…” He closed his eyes for a moment. „I did it all wrong. It…you’re right, I should have involved you in the decision, too. It’s just…”

Merlin sighed. “Arthur, I have about a five minute break before I have to go in there to battle the little monsters again. But you know that, you’re at every event I work at lately.”

Arthur’s heart was beating up in his throat. He had been found out. “You…”

“Yes, I know. Don’t think I didn’t notice you, you’re hard to miss. Just…Stop it, Arthur. Don’t make it even worse. You made up your mind a while ago, now live with it. Go, focus on your goal. Play for Team England. Maybe you’ll be the happiest person in the world, then. But stop stalking me. You made the decision, don’t try to make me feel as if I had anything to do with it. Live your life, let me live mine.”

There was so much Arthur had wanted to tell Merlin, about how they should try to be friends. But what Merlin said now hurt more than a direct slap to his face. And the worst thing was: Merlin was right and Arthur knew it. They could have had something. But he had messed it up and with everything he did, he only made it worse.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” He let go of Merlin’s arm.

Merlin looked at him, checked his watch and then turned to walk back into the direction he’d come from.

Arthur felt sick. On top of everything, he had deprived Merlin of his break.

 

+++

Gwen sat the coffee mug next to Merlin’s laptop and slid into the empty chair on the short end of the table.

“I didn’t order this.” Merlin looked up.

“You looked like you needed it, though. It’s on the house.” She smiled gently.

He looked at her for a moment. “Thanks.”

“If you want to talk…”

Merlin sighed. “I don’t think that would do any good. All’s been said and done.”

“You know he came here quite often after that first time.”

That got Merlin’s attention. “What do you mean?”

Gwen shifted in her chair. “You and Arthur…when you were here and you left after yelling at him…”

“I did? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a scene.” What was Gwen trying to tell him?

“Arthur sat there for quite a while and then he came back again and again. He never asked for you, but I knew he was here hoping to see you.”

It was amazing how much the barista knew. Merlin had his coffee here each time he was on campus, a lot less than when he was actually attending classes, and they had become some kind of friends over the years. They had never met outside the coffee shop and Merlin hadn’t thought he’d ever told her anything more personal than how he liked his coffee or tea. But she was a bright one, picking up vibes and she seemed to know exactly that he wasn’t okay lately.

“It doesn’t matter.”

She gave him a long look. “I think it does. Even though he told you that he can’t do it, he can’t let go. It’s none of my business, but I think he did it for the wrong reasons and knows deep down that he does like you. And by the way you act lately, I think you like him a lot more than you showed him.”

It’s none of your business, right, Merlin wanted to say. But if it was so obvious to someone who didn’t really know him that things were off, she didn’t deserve to be snarled at. “Probably.”

Gwen put her hand on Merlin’s forearm. “Then you might want to tell him.”

“It’s not that easy. There are reasons why he will never…I just can’t do it the way he would do it, if he would do it at all.” That probably made no sense to Gwen, but he couldn’t tell her that Arthur was deep in the closet and that he didn’t want to be Arthur’s dirty little secret if Arthur wanted that at all. Which he doubted after all this talk about goals and dreams and focusing on them.

She nodded. “I understand. You know, I know who he is and I doubt stuff like that is easy for people like him. Just look at what they do to Greene at the moment. If he weren’t such a charmer, he wouldn’t get out of it that easily.” Gwen patted his arm as she got up. “You know…I’m here from 7 to 5 if you need to talk.”

She started to go back to the counter.

“Gwen?” Merlin managed a little smile when she stopped and turned again. Maybe it was good to have someone else to talk about this. Mithian was great, but he’d heard all her points before. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, Merlin.”

+++

Arthur grit his teeth. This team meeting took forever. All he wanted to do was to go get changed so they could play the game. And the tactics were clear, they’ve been over them so often in the past week that even the dumbest of them should know them by heart. When the coach was done, Arthur was on his feet in an instant.

“Talk to him.”

He frowned when he saw Mordred falling into step next to him. “Huh?”

“Merlin, you should talk to him. Whenever we’re here, you get all worked up and I see you looking when Gwaine flirts with him.”

“What do you know?” Little dumb Mordred seemed to know a lot more than was good for him.

The younger player nudged Arthur’s arm. “Come on, it’s an open secret that you like him. And whatever went wrong, fix it. He’s great and it’s almost painful to watch how you two dance around each other.”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business, grasshopper.”

“True. None of my business. But if you snarl at me on the field one more time because you don’t get your shit together, you will make it my business.” Mordred threw him a dark look as they entered the corridor to the locker room and quickened his steps to greet Merlin with a wide smile.

The forced smile on Arthur’s face felt funny to himself as he just said ‘Hi’ and entered the room. It didn’t go unnoticed that Merlin had held the door for Mordred, but let it go shut just in front of him and didn’t move a muscle, so Arthur had to open it himself. It wasn’t that he couldn’t open doors for himself, it was just a clear sign that Merlin wasn’t willing to do more for him than he absolutely had to in his job.

By the time Arthur had put his uniform on, he was in a foul mood and he knew he had nobody to blame but himself.

+++

Work wasn’t easy for Merlin that day. It wasn’t stupid people or more work than usual, in fact, it was a pretty lame day. But he had been so tense since he’d gotten up that he had knocked his morning tea over, cut himself while shaving, ripped one of his favourite t-shirts and nearly fell down the stairs to the tube. Maybe he shouldn’t work at the stadium any more. It was just too difficult.

After long talks with Mithi, he had finally admitted that he liked Arthur. A lot more than the clotpole deserved, too, and he knew he couldn’t go on this way. He wasn’t sure what Arthur intended with his stalking. In the beginning, he hadn’t given it much thought. People went to concerts, right? But when his co-workers told him about a certain footie player being at events where he was in an empty staircase or out on the parking lot and that they had spotted the blond in venues where Merlin had never thought to find someone like him, he’d gotten suspicious. It had become very unsettling to see Arthur everywhere and he never came over to even say hi.

Even though it was just a little childish revenge, it felt good to let the door shut in Arthur’s face, pretending not to have noticed, so he had to open it for himself. He was a grown-up, he should be able to open a door for himself, shouldn’t he?

The commotion about Gwaine had died down a little in the past weeks and Merlin was happy about that. Let the man do his job, everything else didn’t belong here. So he smiled widely when Gwaine showed up.

“Merlin, my man!”

“Hi Gwaine.”

“Up for some clubbing after the match?”

Merlin grinned and shook his head. “Shouldn’t you be concentrating on the match?”

“Oh, I’m focused, I’m always focused. So…while I’m out there, looking good while I’m trying to win this thing, will you think about it?” Gwaine flicked his hair back and winked.

Merlin just laughed. That was so Gwaine and Merlin enjoyed the attention. It was good that Gwaine took his thoughts off Arthur and maybe, just maybe, he would go out with him later.

The Riders tied the game in the last second and everyone was in a good mood afterwards. Merlin could hear them shouting friendly insults at each other or commenting on private things. Cedric was singing loudly in the showers, which Merlin usually wouldn’t have heard, but they must have left the door open.

“Gonna come to the pub, Perce? I feel like getting a drink.” Leon asked.

“Nah, Freya’s waiting in the VIP area. I guess we’ll go home.”

Others laughed and teased about how Percy was being henpecked pretty well since the wedding date was set, but the goalie didn’t seem to mind and laughed with them.

“What are you going to do, Gwaine?”

Merlin strained his ears, which wasn’t even necessary, they were all loud enough.

“You know, there’s this cute bloke out there who didn’t get any in ages. I will take him to the club tonight and give him the time of his life.”

While the others laughed, Merlin didn’t know if he was blushing or if the colour was draining from his face. Gwaine wasn’t…Gwaine was talking about him, wasn’t he? And if so, what made him so sure that he would come along? He liked him a bit, alright, but not enough to do anything with him aside from having a beer.

“Out there as in right outside this door?” Someone laughed.

“Yup. I’m going to peel that ugly orange shirt off of him and dance with him so close that all he can see and hear is me.”

“Urgh, we don’t want to hear this, Greene.”

“And then, I’ll take him to the back room and give it to him until he screams my name and begs for more.”

Merlin gaped. Gwaine was talking about him! He told everyone that he would…This couldn’t be! How dare he? Even if this was what he had planned, Gwaine had no right to talk about him like that! He couldn’t believe it! How did Gwaine dare to say something like that?

There was laughter inside the locker room and some spurred Gwaine on, wishing him good luck and lots of fun.

The door opened in his back and a half-dressed Arthur appeared.

“What?” Merlin hadn’t meant it to come out that harsh, but if he had to deal with one more stupid footie player, he’d snap.

“I…I don’t know how much you heard…” Arthur rubbed at his hair with a towel.

“Everything, I hear everything out here.” Merlin was furious.

“I mean…Instead of…How about a beer?”

Merlin blinked open-mouthed and Gwaine chose that very moment to peek his head out. “Club. You and me. Don’t even dare to say no.”

“Are you nuts? Are the two of you completely nuts?” Merlin felt so many words of anger bubbling up that they bottled up in the back of his throat and had a hard time getting out. “Do you really think the poor stupid steward needs any one of you?” Okay, yelling was it, and it felt good! “You!” Merlin turned to Gwaine. “Go fuck yourself! I’m not your little toy that you can use the way you want to. Not everybody sinks down at your feet just because you throw them a look. You have no right to talk about me like that! So SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!”

He heard the guys inside chuckle but he didn’t care as he turned to Arthur. “And you go suck it up! First you want one thing, then you decide you can’t and now you try to rush in like the knight in shining armor! Are you completely out of your mind?”

Even though Arthur looked guiltily at him, Merlin didn’t let up. He was just too angry. “Go, leave! I don’t want to see you again. Either of you! I’ve had it! I’m sick of you!”

Merlin pulled his mobile out of the back pocket of his pants and dialed Owain’s number. “Listen, Owain, I gotta go. Find someone who will take over. I’m no longer watching over this bunch of brainless….Yeah…No. Never again!”

When he turned again, the guys had vanished into the locker room and it was eerily quiet. Of course everyone in there had heard him yelling, but he didn’t care. He needed to get out of here and he wouldn’t return. Enough was enough!

Waiting for Owain at the corner, as far away from the locker room doors as possible, Merlin already fiddled the key from the belt loop.

“Professor?”

Merlin turned and was faced with Mordred. “My name is Merlin.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I never thought it might bother you, it wasn’t meant negatively.”

It wasn’t Mordred’s fault. None of this. So Merlin sighed and his face softened. “I’m sorry, I’m just so angry at those idiots.”

“You’re not coming back, are you?” Mordred adjusted the strap of his backpack.

No, he wouldn’t. No matter what ugly job he would have to do, he wouldn’t come back to the corridors for footie again. So he shook his head.

“Too bad. You were the best we’ve ever had here. And I think you’re a great bloke.”

Merlin almost laughed at the look on Mordred’s face.

“I don’t mean like that. I’m not into that!” The younger man was quick to explain. “But…You know, it’s not that easy being the youngest of the bunch. And…I don’t have many friends. So…if you ever just feel like going out for a beer. Not more! I mean…” Mordred held a little paper out to Merlin.

Merlin managed a little smile and took the paper with Mordred’s number. “Don’t take it personally, Mordred, at the moment I’m way too angry at everyone to call. But maybe later, okay?”

Mordred nodded. “See you…I hope.”

+++

Arthur grunted as he lifted the weights. What a fucking stupid day it had been! A fucking stupid week! A fucking stupid month! First stupid little Mordred had to stick his nose into things that were none of his business, then he had made a few stupid mistakes out on the field and then Gwaine had bragged about fucking Merlin in the back room of some dingy club.

He knew he had to do something. So he just went out the way he was, his jeans unbuttoned and his hair still wet, and asked Merlin out. He should have known that Merlin wouldn’t say yes, but he needed to give him an alternative to Gwaine’s plans. Oh fuck, who was he fooling? He was bloody jealous and the mental image of Gwaine and Merlin together – and Merlin probably enjoying it! – made him see red.

Merlin had every right to be angry at both of them now. Well, maybe a bit more at Gwaine, but still. The situation was worse than ever before. Everything he did failed and now he had kind of outed himself to the team. Merlin had been too considerate to mention the kiss in his yelling fit, something Arthur was very grateful for, but the mere mention of the whole ‘thing’ they had – or rather didn’t have – was enough for his team mates to know. If it surprised anyone, they didn’t show. Then again, Arthur hadn’t given them time to show surprise or anything else, he had pulled the sweater over his head, grabbed his stuff and left immediately. That evening, he drank himself into oblivion, which didn’t change a single thing once he woke up again and fought his hang-over.

The next practice had been a bit awkward. He had snapped at Gwaine every chance he got – and Gwaine gave him a few that day – and had to endure a lot of stares and whispers. On top of it, he had pulled a muscle, nothing major, but enough to slow him down in the next game. If only he had never met Merlin! None of this would have happened and he could keep on working on his big goal. But the way things were, his chances of wearing the three lions jersey were getting slimmer.

“Merlin will be back.”

Arthur looked up. It was only him and Mordred left in the gym. “What?”

“Merlin will be back at the stadium.”

“Why should I care?” Arthur turned back to his bench presses, but his heart was beating faster. That Merlin would ever forgive him seemed unlikely. And he didn’t deserve to be forgiven. But the prospect of never seeing him again had made him unbearable lately. So this was good news.

Mordred came over. “Come on, Arthur. I know you like him. We all know. And he’s a great bloke. You might have done a few things that made him leave.” He held his hands up in defense when Arthur stopped his exercise, sat up and glared at him. “I know, it’s mostly Gwaine’s doing. And none of my business, I know. But I thought I’d let you know that he will be back.” He turned to the exercise bikes.

Arthur said nothing for a long moment before he looked up again. “How do you know?”

The smile on Mordred’s face was blinding. “We’ve whatsapp’d once in a while. He won’t be our guard dog anymore, but he will be back for the footie games.”

“Seems like he needs the money.” What was meant to sound like an insult came out a lot softer and sounded resigned in his own ears. Arthur looked at Mordred. “Where will he work?”

“He doesn’t know yet. Maybe the entrance, maybe the stands. It was very special that he got to do the corridors at each of our games. You could ask him, I could give you his number?”

The prospect of talking to Merlin lifted Arthur’s mood a bit, but…”So, you’re best buddies now?” Maybe Mordred was the laughing third? The one who would get Merlin as long as Gwaine and he were in a kind of race for him?

Mordred laughed. “No need to be jealous, you know I’m not into blokes. But I’d like to consider him a friend, yes.”

Good, this was good. Mordred didn’t want more from Merlin and maybe he could use their connection to…But what was he thinking now? He needed to forget Merlin once and for all. He just didn’t fit his plans for the future. “Good for you.”

+++

Merlin knew it hadn’t been a good idea to go back to the stadium for football games. But Owain had nagged him at every venue they worked together, had talked about how he needed someone who had his head on the right way and how horrible the new guys were. So Merlin had given in under the condition that he wouldn’t have to guard the locker room door or be anywhere near the corridors.

So far, it had worked. He had been doing entrance duty, even though he actually hated doing all the body checks and looking into backpacks. Two hours of checking people, constantly hunching down and getting back up was a great workout, but it was exhausting as hell, so he didn’t mind that the first two times, they sent him home when the entry phase was over. Usually, he hated spending so much time getting ready and going places only to be sent home again after two hours. But his whole body ached and after touching so many people, he always felt like taking a shower and scrubbing extra hard.

The next game, he had to be up in the stands, keeping an eye on the fans. There was not much to do in his section, but he was happy that he wasn’t allowed to turn and watch the game. He didn’t need to see Arthur or Gwaine.

The day he had left, he had still ranted for hours after he came home. Mithian had listened and provided tea and had peppered the discussion with some very colourful vocabulary until he finally ran out of steam. Then, she just pulled him close and rubbed his back. The physical contact with another person had felt good and he had had a hard time not to cry on her shoulder.

Merlin felt constantly worn out lately. He tried not to think about it, about them, and most of the time he managed to concentrate on his research and even got a big step further. But the way they had acted still made him angry; one of them thinking he could get everyone he wanted and the other one too much of a coward to go for what he wanted and to stand up for it.

Gritting his teeth, Merlin took a deep breath and then smiled when he saw Mitch approaching.

“Break time.”

“Thanks. Just at the right time.” Merlin explained a few things that had happened and that Mitch needed to have an eye on before he left. If he hurried up in the loos, he might still have enough time to eat his banana.

The rest of the match was uneventful. His section was empty when Owain showed up.

“Call it a day. Good job, Merlin.” Owain ticked his name off on his list. “Oh,” he looked up, “would you drop this off on your way back to our room?” He held a roll of barrier tape that had to be given back to the main control room of the stadium out to Merlin.

Nodding, Merlin took it and shook Owain’s hand. “Will do. See you at the O2?”

“Nah, won’t be there. My sister’s getting married, I can’t miss that.”

The look on Owain’s face showed that he would much rather have worked at the concert than attended a wedding, so Merlin laughed. “I hear you.”

+++

Arthur didn’t know the last time he had been in such a bad mood. After weeks of healing a pulled muscle, this idiot goalie of the other team had stepped on his foot and even though there was nothing broken or torn, it fucking hurt. Lance had spoken of ‘just bruised’ but the imprints of cleats were clearly visible on his foot as if he hadn’t worn shoes at all.

He wasn’t really proud of letting his bad mood out on the girl who guarded the locker room today, but it had felt good to yell at someone for not opening the door fast enough. Merlin would have…No probably not. It wasn’t the girl’s fault but he refused to feel bad about the tears he’d seen in her eyes. She should have done her job, not stand about making cow-eyes at him while he was clearly in pain.

Arthur had avoided the press and didn’t feel like going to the VIP area to celebrate the win with the others. He knew just the way to get to his car without being seen by officials and fans and snuck through the corridors underneath the stadium, which was ridiculous, almost everybody else had left already, he sure was alone down here.

Just that he wasn’t. Someone rounded the corner and nearly ran into him. Someone very familiar.

“Hi.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I should have looked where I was…” Merlin looked up for the first time. “Arthur!”

“Yeah, me.”

“What are you doing down here?”

Was it his imagination or had Merlin’s face not scrunched up in anger? “I just…My foot, you know…I wanted to get out without being mobbed by the press or the fans.”

A concerned look showed on Merlin’s face. “What’s wrong with your foot?”

“Haven’t you been up in the stands?” Of course he had noticed Merlin there the moment he had stepped onto the field for his warm-up routine. It had felt good seeing him for the first time in weeks. But Arthur had never dared to hope to see him this close.

“Yeah. But you know, some people in the stands are here to work.”

How he had missed this! It wasn’t the banter they had going in the beginning, but it was a little teasing, which was good. Arthur nodded. “I know. The goalie stepped on my foot.”

“Percy stepped on your foot? That must have hurt. He’s quite big.”

The confused look on Merlin’s face was endearing. “No, not Percy, Gentris did.”

“Oh, ouch.”

“Made it look like an accident, too.” Arthur shrugged. “I’ll live.”

“Good to hear.” Merlin looked at the barrier tape in his hand.

Before he could say anything, Arthur stepped in his way a bit more. “Don’t go. It’s good talking to you. How’ve you been?”

Merlin looked at Arthur’s outstretched hand that had stopped in the middle of a move to touch his arm. “Okay, I think. You?”

“Not so well, to be honest. My performance sucks, it feels like I’m constantly healing from some minor injury or curing out a cold that throws me back.” Arthur shrugged. All because his thoughts were with Merlin, but he wouldn’t say that now.

Merlin looked at him and Arthur swallowed hard.

“You know, those are just minor set-backs. You can’t let those get in the way of your big goal. If you can’t practice one day, you’ll just have to practice twice as hard the next day. I’ve seen the news, you’re well on your way to Team England, don’t let stuff like that keep you from it. You can do it. You’re good enough if you just believe in yourself.”

Arthur just looked at Merlin. The last time, he had accused him of letting this get in the way of his happiness. Now he pushed him towards it. And the fierce look on Merlin’s face while he gave that little speech turned him on so much, that Arthur hardly followed the words. He just watched Merlin’s lips moving and knew he had to taste them again. So he reached out, grabbed the front of Merlin’s shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

The last of Merlin’s words were drowned as Arthur finally felt those lips underneath his again. It was different this time. That first kiss after their night at the pub had been shy and gentle, just a little touch of skin against skin. This here was more, it was fierce and demanding and Arthur groaned when he licked at Merlin’s lips and felt them parting for his tongue. He heard something thudding to the floor and felt Merlin’s arms around his neck as he avidly kissed back. Gosh, he had missed out on so much!

He explored Merlin’s mouth, already loving the taste and texture and that wicked tongue that caressed his in all the right ways.

Arthur blinked confusedly when Merlin shoved him away. Breathing hard, he just stared at the blue eyes and the swollen lips.

Shaking his head, Merlin straightened his shirt again and then bent over to pick the barrier tape up that he had dropped. “Your dream, Arthur. Let nothing get between that and you.”

He only closed his eyes for a moment to not scream out loud. He had brought that upon himself. But as long as he couldn’t have both, he would have to focus on one of them. Even though that wasn’t too easy with a raging hard-on.

When he opened his eyes again, Merlin was gone.

+++

“What took you so long?” Mithian leaned against the railing that separated the parking lot from the exit Merlin took.

“I…Nothing, sorry.” Merlin started walking towards the exit.

“Merlin Emrys!” She threw him a sideways look. “Something has happened and you will tell me what it is.”

Adjusting his backpack on his shoulders, Merlin sighed. “He did it again and I let it happen.”

They had reached the exit of the parking lot and Merlin said bye to Oliver who wasn’t finished with his work yet.

“Merlin!” Mithian snarled when they made their wait to the tube station. “I assume ‘he’ is Arthur. What did he do?”

Merlin chewed on his lower lip and threw some looks around. “Not here. Did you enjoy the game?”

“Okay, not here, but don’t think I’ll forget this!”

Mithian couldn’t have forgotten to ask again if she wanted. Merlin’s mood didn’t lift and as soon as they were seated in a corner of their favourite pub with their drinks, Merlin took a deep breath and ranted for what felt like the next half hour.

“I mean, can you believe it? In the corridors! Someone could have seen us!”

Mithian nodded. She knew it made no sense to try to put in a word, she wouldn’t stand a chance anyway, Merlin was really upset.

“One moment, he’s too chicken to come out, the next he snogs the hell out of me where everyone can see!”

“Is he a good kisser?”

Merlin nearly choked on his beer when Mithian asked and the following blush wasn’t from gasping for air.

Giggling, Mithian totally ignored him coughing and toasted him with her beer bottle. “So he is. Good. And you found out because you kissed back. Which is a much better start than last time.”

“Start? START? Mithi! I shouldn’t have let it happen!”

“Come on, Merlin. He can’t forget you, he kisses you where he could be caught. After all the stalking he did and the way he constantly asks Mordred about you. He’s still into you.”

“Yeah, but I’m not into him anymore!”

Mithian laughed out loud. “Liar.”

Pouting, Merlin turned his beer bottle in his hands and sighed. “He made it clear. He doesn’t want a relationship, so he won’t get it. Simple as that.”

“Oh, Merlin.” She put his hand on his forearm. “That’s what you’re trying to make yourself believe. But you have to see that he’s interested. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t like you. And you like him, too. You said so yourself the other night. Why don’t you two just go out for a beer and talk about it again? Maybe you can work out a way to be together?”

Merlin shook his head. “You saw what the press and the fans did with Gwaine. If Arthur came out, he wouldn’t take the abuse as easily as Gwaine. And that could ruin his chances of ever being nominated for Team England. I wouldn’t want to take that chance away from him.”

Mithian smiled encouragingly at him.

“Why does being in love have to be so complicated?” Merlin downed the rest of his beer, not noticing that Mithian smiled widely because he had just revealed his feelings.

+++

Arthur had been confused and grumpy since he’d met Merlin that night. He would have loved to talk to him more and he didn’t know what had bitten him to kiss Merlin again. But there had been this urgency that couldn’t be ignored. He hadn’t even cared who might run in on them.

But Merlin had been right. He couldn’t let this get between him and his goal. And so he had been fighting in every practice and every work-out to be the best. At the last game, a scout for Team England had been spotted and Arthur had worked twice as hard.

Even now, in a friendly three on three that would conclude today’s practice, he was fighting for the ball, accidentally kicking Eddie in the shin.

“Hey, man, sorry.” He held out his hand to the other player when he felt someone push at him.

“What is wrong with you, man?” Of course it had to be Gwaine.

“Wrong? I’m doing my job, something you should take a bit more seriously.” He turned back to Eddie who scrambled up and examined the damage.

“You’re taking it a bit too seriously! You bring your personal problems and insecurities out to the field and rather kick someone from your own team than get your shit together.” Gwaine snarled at him.

Who did that little shit think he was to talk to him like that? “That’s none of your business. Just let me work here.” Arthur tried to step around Gwaine. If he had to deal with him for one more second, he might not be held responsible for his own actions.

“It’s none of my business, but you make it my business. You make it everyone’s business! Everyone here knows you’re gay, now fess up and be a man about it! Go, get Merlin if he still wants you. I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t!”

That was too much. Gwaine just had to drag Merlin into this, didn’t he? Arthur saw red, he turned and his fist found its way into Gwaine’s face. Then he straightened his shoulders and walked off the field, not showing how much his hand hurt.

+++

“Okay, that’s it.” Mithian stood next to his desk, her hands on her hips as Merlin looked up.

“What is what?” He rubbed his eyes and blinked a couple of times. Staring at a computer screen for hours made his eyes dry.

“You can’t go on like this, Merlin.”

“Like what?”

Sitting down on his bed, she sighed. “For weeks you’re holing up in here. You only go out to work and whenever you come back from the stadium, you’re irritated and angry. Like last time. You yelled at me for having forgotten to buy your favourite tea!”

Merlin took a deep breath. “And I’m still very sorry for that, I shouldn’t have…”

“No, you shouldn’t, but stop apologizing for it already. It’s just…You don’t do anything else. And you’re unhappy.”

“Mith…” Of course he was unhappy, but he would get over it.

“I know it’s not that easy. You’re over the idiot already who thought he could use you the way he wanted; you never were really into him anyway. But you’re not over the closeted clotpole yet. Merlin, he doesn’t deserve you when he isn’t man enough to stand up for who he is.”

Merlin shoved his chair back. “I know. And I almost managed, but that night in the corridors…”

Rolling her eyes, Mithian got up. “He’s a great kisser, we know that now. But there are a lot of even better kissers out there. And maybe you should just kiss your way through all the frogs to find your real Prince Charming.”

“What?”

She groaned. “We’re going out tonight. Go, get a shower and then wear those nice jeans, not the grey baggy ones, and a tight t-shirt.”

“I’m going nowhere tonight. I’ve almost finished writing this chapter.”

“You are, you can finish that chapter tomorrow. We’ll go to the club and there you will find a cute bloke and have a good time to take your mind off things.”

She smirked when he weakly answered, “But I don’t have a tight t-shirt.”

+++

“It’s my birthday and I want to go to the club tonight!” Mordred frowned at Arthur after practice.

“I know it’s your birthday, but it was a tough day and I really need to go home.” Arthur just didn’t feel like partying. It had been a good work-out and his performance had been better than in weeks.

“Things won’t get better there. Come along, dance, have some fun, loosen up a bit. Come on, Arthur!”

The others agreed with Mordred and in the end, Arthur found himself in a club he’d never been to before a few hours later. It was loud, the music was pounding, the lights hurt his eyes, but maybe it had been a good idea. He could either get really drunk and pass out or maybe the rhythm would knock all other thoughts out of his head.

Percy handed him a beer and made some of the goofiest dance moves Arthur had ever seen. “Finish this up, we’ll go shake our hips!”

Arthur laughed. “Not me! Nobody wants to see me dance.”

“If he can dance, so can you.” Leon shouted over the music and then leaned against the railing on the first floor where the VIP area was closed off for them, looking over the dancing crowd. “Nice club the little one picked for his party.”

Arthur looked in the same direction and had to admit that it was a perfect location to party. If you were in the mood.

+++

“I’m going to get something to drink, anything for you?” Merlin yelled across the music.

“Get me a Coke?” Mithian didn’t even stop dancing and Merlin grinned. She had been right, this was just what he needed.

The music was loud and the rhythm great, the light effects just right and you could get carried away dancing. Which they had done for the last hour. But now Merlin’s t-shirt clung to him and his throat was dry, he needed a drink. So he just nodded at Mithian and made his way to the bar, knowing she would follow.

“I’d almost forgotten how much fun this can be.” He beamed when a good-looking man winked at him.

Mithian sipped her drink and smiled. Since it was too loud to hold a conversation and the man had vanished into the crowd, she took Merlin by the wrist as soon as they had finished their Cokes and pulled him into the crowd of bopping bodies again.

Merlin danced and laughed and just had fun. Something made him look up to where he knew the VIP area was. He didn’t care about any celebrities being there tonight, he just wanted to make the most of this night. But…He blinked and stopped dancing. Was that Percy up there? And Leon, too? Some light effect blinded him and when he looked up again, they were gone. He must have imagined it, why would the guys always show up where he was on that one night he went out? Not giving it any more thought, Merlin started to jump up and down when the song changed and tried to pull it off as a dance move.

+++

In the end, they managed to pull Arthur to the dance floor. He had struggled and fought, but another beer and Mordred’s pleading eyes had done the rest and now Arthur found himself in the middle of writhing bodies, some too sexy for their own good. Or for Arthur’s good, he wasn’t too sure. A few guys had made eyes at him but he’d ignored them and danced by himself. He didn’t want to know how ridiculous he looked and was fully aware of the fact that he fit the cliché: footballers were horrible dancers.

The others didn’t seem to mind that they weren’t the most graceful dancers and Cedric already was talking to a pretty blonde he had almost slapped in the face with his moves. Arthur chuckled and tried to get back into the rhythm. If he was really careful, he could at least take a look at some of the hot blokes around him for - future reference.

Grinning, Mordred nudged his side and motioned over to Percy, who danced with his hands above his head, which seemed to make him the tallest person in the whole place. Mordred imitated the moves and urged Arthur on to do so as well. This was a lot more fun than Arthur had ever thought. Why didn’t he go to clubs more often?

When Percy gestured he’d go get another drink, he opened up the view to more people on the dance floor. And then Arthur saw someone who looked a lot like Merlin. But they were in a place packed with people, the light was bad, so he could be anyone. And maybe he was going crazy anyway, seeing Merlin everywhere he went. Just last night, when he was at the filling station, he thought he’d seen him there or that day at the supermarket in the pasta isle. This was probably just someone who looked a bit like Merlin.

Then the bloke turned and Arthur stopped all movement; he just stood and stared. Even though the light effects took his sight away in beat to the music, there was no mistaking: it was Merlin; totally lost in the rhythm, dancing with a petite brunette who tossed her hair wildly. Maybe this was one of his friends? Or the girl he shared the place with? Arthur doubted that Merlin liked girls all of a sudden.

And elbow in his back made him stumble forwards and brought him a lot closer than he intended and in a move he didn’t see coming, Merlin turned. He blinked and then blinked again and the blinding smile that Arthur had missed so much showed on Merlin’s face.

“Arthur! What are you doing here?”

It was more the way Merlin’s lips moved than really hearing what he said, it was just too loud. So Arthur leaned in close and yelled “It’s Mordred’s birthday party!” into Merlin’s ear.

Merlin nodded and didn’t seem to be fussed. He probably knew about the party, he and Mordred had stayed in contact.

The way Merlin moved mesmerized Arthur. As always, Merlin seemed to be gangly and like he still hadn’t grown into his limbs yet when he just stood about, but as soon as he started to move, Arthur saw the grace and determination; and as every time, it turned him on immensely. When Merlin motioned for him to dance, Arthur just did, all of a sudden not caring what it might look like anymore. Merlin was here and that was all that mattered.

+++

Of course Merlin was surprised when Arthur stood next to him. It was as if the universe had listened to his wishes. The blokes he’d been flirting with throughout the night were tall and blond and as far as he could tell, had blue eyes. No matter how much he tried to forget Arthur, he knew he wanted him, he had missed him each day he hadn’t seen him and scolded himself for pushing him away at their encounter in the corridors. His dreams all featured Arthur and he had caught himself more than once whispering his name when he had a good wanking session. The adrenaline pumping through him made him giddy and he didn’t care where this night would end, he would just enjoy it.

Merlin had known about Mordred’s birthday party, he had even been invited. But since he hadn’t felt like going out with the team, he hadn’t cared about where they would go to celebrate. And he had been right, it had been Percy and Leon up in the VIP area, which didn’t matter at all now. He didn’t want to interact with any of them, he wanted to dance with Arthur. So he dug out his best moves and danced like there was no tomorrow.

It didn’t take long before Arthur had his hands on his hips and Merlin threw his arms around his neck, grinding against him. He was sweaty and out of breath but he wanted nothing more than to press himself against Arthur and feel his lips on him again. It was as if Arthur had the exact same thoughts and after a while of dancing this close, he pulled Merlin even closer and their mouths crushed together.

Merlin knew he wouldn’t even be able to blame it on the alcohol, he hadn’t even had a beer yet, so he decided not to think about it at all. The only thing that counted was Arthur; Arthur’s arms around him, holding him close, Arthur’s lips on his, Arthur’s tongue exploring his mouth, for once not caring that they could be seen.

They didn’t need to talk and interrupted their kissing only long enough for Merlin to find his jacket and for Arthur to get them a taxi.

+++

This was like one of the hot dreams he’d been having lately. Finally, he had Merlin in his arms and Merlin didn’t run. Arthur had no idea how they got to his house, he was way too busy kissing Merlin and feeling his strong fingers on his chest and teasing along the waistband of his jeans, never going further as long as they weren’t safely inside.

Arthur gasped in surprise and dropped his keys when Merlin spun them around and pressed him against the door the moment it shut behind them. All he could do was groan when Merlin attacked his neck with lips and teeth and his hands pulled at his clothes.

“Want you.”

Arthur had to bite his lip hard not to come from the urgent and determined tone of voice. “Bed.”

Merlin looked up and crushed their lips together again, leaving it to Arthur to lead the way to the bedroom. They didn’t have time to look where they were going and bumped into furniture as they only broke their kisses long enough to pull at shirts and jeans.

As soon as Arthur was naked, Merlin gave him a little shove, so he fell backwards onto his bed, his dick rock hard, waiting. He looked at Merlin, who wiggled out of his jeans not very gracefully, but with an urgency Arthur really loved.

“Got...stuff?”

It took Arthur’s brain a while to realise what Merlin meant, but then he nodded and turned to fumble with the little drawer on his nightstand. As he found the lube and some condoms, he yelped. Of course he had felt the moment Merlin had climbed on the bed, he just hadn’t thought Merlin would kiss and nip at his arse. Arthur shivered when he did it again.

“Gosh, your arse is so hot, I could do this all night.”

Turning halfways again, Arthur looked at Merlin. “You want my arse?” He hadn’t done this in ages. When he had gone out to have some fun, he was always the one who topped.

Merlin nodded. “Who wouldn’t want it? It’s a piece of art!” Then he sat back. “You never did this, did you?”

“I have!” Arthur got up on his elbows. “Just…not lately.”

Leaning in, Merlin kissed him deeply. “You’re even hot when you’re blushing.” He started to kiss down Arthur’s chest and Arthur fell back onto the bed again when Merlin worried his nipple between his teeth, hard enough so he would feel it but soft enough to make his whole body tingle. He buried his hand Merlin’s hair and tried to shove him down to where his cock needed the attention, but Merlin wouldn’t have it and took his sweet time.

Finally he felt Merlin’s breath there and yelled out when Merlin licked at the head of his dick. His eyes rolled back and he pressed his head into the pillow when those wonderful lips wrapped around it and Merlin teased him expertly.

“Merl...” He bucked up when Merlin stopped all the teasing and sucked him fast and quick. Yes! He needed to come and yelled out when Merlin’s fingers at his arse found his hole. That was all it took and Arthur came hard.

Still panting hard, he opened his eyes a while later. Merlin was still on his knees between his legs and unscrewed the tube of lube.

“Relax,” he whispered as he squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers and started to tease Arthur’s balls and scrotum.

“Nnnggggh,” Arthur’s head fell back again. Damn, Merlin had clever fingers and the slippery pressure down there was heaven. He couldn’t help his body tightening, though, when Merlin’s finger pressed into him. “Easier…easier said than…done,” he panted.

Merlin chuckled and Arthur knew he was testing Merlin’s patience but finally his body relaxed and admitted the finger. It had been ages since he had allowed this. Actually, since he had been in school, so it had been years. He’d almost forgotten how good it could feel.

When Merlin finally pulled the fingers out that he had patiently prepared him with, Arthur held his breath.

“Don’t…Breathe…breathe with me.” Merlin slowly started to push in, checking Arthur’s face for any sign of discomfort. “Look at me.”

Arthur opened his eyes and almost forgot to breathe again. Merlin looked so hot! Focused on him as if he was the only thing in the world, his blue eyes darker and his pupils blown wide with lust, breathing with him as he slowly pushed inside him. Arthur felt his body open for Merlin, welcoming him in and it had never felt better.

The shameless sounds he was making should have been embarrassing, but Arthur wanted more. “Move!”

That seemed to have been the sign Merlin had waited for and he stopped holding back. He pulled back a bit, grabbed Arthur’s hips and started pounding into him until Arthur felt himself harden again. Each time he though Merlin was close and he would spill any second, Merlin slowed down and just gyrated his hips in little circles, driving Arthur crazy. “Come on!” He reached for his prick and pulled hard, needing to come a second time and when he did, he clenched around Merlin hard enough to pull him over the edge with him.

Arthur didn’t remember when Merlin pulled out, he didn’t remember that Merlin discarded the condom and cleaned them up a bit. He was still busy catching his breath when Merlin came back and snuggled close to him.

“Fuck.”

Merlin chuckled. “Hot as hell and so eloquent.”

“Shut up, Professor.”

Smiling, Merlin kissed him and then snuggled close again.

+++

They didn’t talk. They just lay there, limbs entwined as their breaths evened out. Merlin wouldn’t have known what to say anyway. But it was good the way it was. They met, they snogged, they fucked. And what a great fuck this had been.

If Merlin was honest with himself, he knew that it hadn’t just been sex. Each time he and Arthur met, they were pulled to each other and things happened. That had to mean something. But Merlin didn’t allow himself to finish that thought. He was into this head over heels anyway, he needed to detach himself from it. Which wasn’t too easy with Arthur right next to him.

Merlin didn’t know how much time had passed until Arthur turned onto his side and looked at him. Gosh, those blue eyes! But before he could say anything, Arthur leaned in for another kiss and Merlin forgot how to string words together.

This time, it was slow and sensitive, lips and tongues exploring, tasting, just enjoying without intention. It didn’t take long, though, before the rest of Merlin’s body reacted to the kisses and touches, Arthur’s fingers on his skin, a hand in his hair.

“I want to love you.”

Merlin held his breath when he heard the request. It wasn’t that Arthur wanted to fuck him that made him look at him with wide eyes, it was the way he phrased it. He wasn’t sure if Arthur had done this on purpose, it probably meant nothing, so he nodded and fumbled for the lube.

He had been ready to prepare himself, but Arthur had taken all the time in the world to do it and had left him squirming and needy, on his knees and only pushed in when Merlin was almost begging. Now he had his head in the pillow, his fingers fisting the sheet close to his head as Arthur slowly pulled out again only to pound back in a moment later. Whenever Merlin thought they found a rhythm, Arthur surprised him with something new, stopping to lean over and kiss his shoulder or slapping his butt just hard enough for it to be sexy or gyrating his hips and running his hands up Merlin’s back to rest them on his shoulders – and then pull him back hard each time he slammed in.

Merlin’s head was spinning, sex with Arthur was the most fantastic thing that ever happened to him. He was close to coming, his hard dick slapping against his belly each time Arthur pounded into him. He knew he murmured incoherent things with a lot of ‘fuck’ and ‘harder’ mixed into it. And then Arthur grabbed him by the hips so hard it would leave marks and fucked him in earnest.

Merlin yelled out as he felt his body, his whole world, tighten around the long hard dick inside him and he came very hard. He heard Arthur grunt and felt him coming, too, his prick getting even wider and then pulsing out his load. Hoping Arthur wouldn’t pull out right away, Merlin slid down on the bed completely and smiled when he felt Arthur’s weight on his back, his fingers entwining with his.

+++

Arthur woke up with a smile on his face. What a night! He ached in all the right places and hadn’t felt so good in ages. Stretching and yawning, he turned and found Merlin gone. Too bad. It was nice falling asleep with his head on his chest. But he knew it was probably for the best. He shouldn’t have let this night happen in the first place and he the thought of having to send Merlin away in the morning made him feel sick. So it was good that Merlin had been clever enough to leave. He would have been pissed to be sent away and probably blabbed to the press. But Merlin was a clever one, the Professor, sensing that things could have gone weird, so he had taken action. Again.

A little wave of disappointment hit him anyway and he longed for a life where he could be himself, where he could wake up with Merlin or anyone without fear. Oh, who was he kidding, he didn’t want just anyone, he wanted Merlin.

Getting up, the little smile on his face gone, Arthur padded over to the bathroom, took a quick shower and found a pair of soft grey sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Coffee. He needed coffee now.

To his surprise, there was coffee in the coffee maker, which was odd. It was Sunday, Sofia didn’t show up on Sundays. Arthur poured himself a mug anyway and made his way over to the breakfast nook. He found it soothing to look out to the garden, watching the squirrels and the birds go about their business in the morning.

He stopped in the doorway. Merlin was sitting there, enjoying the view and didn’t seem to have noticed him. Swallowing hard, Arthur took in the clean look and still wet hair standing on end. Merlin wore one of his t-shirts.

“Hi.”

“Morning.” Carefully, Arthur resisted the urge to go over and put a kiss on Merlin’s head and made his way over and sat in the chair opposite to him.

“Is this okay? Or do you want me to go?”

Damn, the look in those blue eyes did funny things to Arthur’s insides. “No, stay. It’s…We…I…”

“Was it only a one-nighter?” Merlin tilted his head to hold Arthur’s gaze. “It’s okay, I just need to know.”

“I…” That took Arthur’s breath away all over again. It was okay for Merlin if it would stay just this one night? Arthur wasn’t sure if he himself would be okay with this. Or the fact that Merlin would so easily walk away.

Merlin sat his coffee mug down and attempted to get up. “Okay, no problem.”

Reaching out over the table and putting his hand on Merlin’s forearm, Arthur shook his head. “No…stay…just…” He took a deep breath. “I’m confused.”

Merlin smiled fondly at that. “What else is new?”

“Not funny. I think I like you a lot more than...I…” Arthur looked anywhere but at Merlin but then lifted his eyes. “I’d like to see you again, but it’s not that easy.”

Slowly, Merlin sat down again and Arthur noticed that he didn’t shake his hand off his forearm. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…First, I don’t know if you like me, too.” Closing his eyes, letting out a little groan, Arthur leaned back and let go of Merlin. This sounded like a horrible teenage movie.

Merlin looked at him for a while before he took a deep breath. “Do you really think I’d do what we did last night if I didn’t like you?”

“You…you do?” Arthur couldn’t help the smile that almost split his face, but then it faltered. “But…what about Gwaine?”

“Gwaine? What about Gwaine?” That little crease that showed on Merlin’s forehead as he frowned was adorable.

“You’re dating.”

“Excuse me?” Merlin’s eyes went wide. “We are WHAT?”

Arthur looked up again. “Aren’t you? It sounded a lot like it. That time…you know…the first game after New Year’s…you went with him.”

“Yes, I did.” Merlin wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

“And again. And again.” Arthur didn’t even know what he expected. He just needed to know.

“No.”

“No? You must be talking about a different Gwaine, then.”

“I went for a beer with him twice, but that was it.”

Arthur saw the frown on Merlin’s face. “Okay.”

“I never went out with him after that. He kept asking, but I said no. I haven’t even talked to him since…you know, that day at the stadium.” Merlin looked as if he wanted to jump up.

Instead, Arthur did. “Such a tosser! He told me about a hot night!”

Merlin did, too. “I try not to be, but this makes me so angry. First you kiss me good-night and then nothing at all, no call, no text, no nothing. Like I was just a little experiment! And then all that aggressive flirting from Gwaine. It was nice in the beginning, but I doubt he’s doing ‘Exclusive’ and I just don’t want to be a toy for you sports guys!”

Arthur tried to bite back a smile. Merlin had expected him to act again. That meant that he really wanted more. In a perfect world, he could have called Merlin the next day and they would have gone out and things had progressed nicely and none of this hiding and holding back had to happen. Sadly, they didn’t live in a perfect world. The smile slid off Arthur’s face. “You’re not a toy for me. No experiment. But it’s not…”

“That easy, I know.”

Motioning for Merlin to sit down, Arthur went to get them more coffee before he tried to get comfortable in his chair, which he didn’t quite accomplish. “No…I don’t think you know. You’re really intelligent and all that, but I don’t think you really know why it’s not that easy and why I’m still so deep in the closet.”

Merlin wrapped his hands around his coffee mug and looked at him.

“It kind of comes with the sport. All blokes, very competitive. Too many people who are still scared that every man who’s like that will jump them any chance they’ll get.” Arthur sighed. “I…it will be the end of my career if anyone ever finds out.” He swallowed hard and looked at Merlin. “And my job is all I got. I started early, I don’t have an education. If I can’t play footie, I have nothing. I have to make all the money I can while my body is still good enough.”

He shook his head when he saw the small smile around Merlin’s lips and felt that Merlin was about to throw in a remark or two about his body. “You have seen the injuries I suffered in the past months. Merlin, if my body gives out, I have nothing, but as long as it still works, I have to stick with it.”

“And because of your big dream.” Merlin’s smile faltered as he reminded him and took a sip of his coffee.

Sighing and not too sure about this himself, Arthur turned his mug in his hands. “Yes, that, too.”

Merlin shook his head slightly. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit. From what I know, you come from a good family, I doubt they let you leave the house without at least a bit of formal education. And you’re a lot cleverer than you think. I do understand, though, that you don’t want to end your career like that. It probably would not end over this, but after seeing what the press alone did to Gwaine…” Merlin sighed, “I don’t want to put you through that. You’re totally different from Gwaine, you might not come out of it as unharmed as he did.”

Arthur watched as Merlin reached over as if to put his hand on his, but then caught himself and wrapped his long fingers around the mug again.

“And you might not come out of it unharmed either. I don’t think they would leave you alone. You know what they wrote about Gwaine, I don’t want to imagine what they’d write about you. I like you, Merlin, I would love to get to know you better. But…” Arthur sighed and shook his head.

“Maybe we would be strong enough to get through all of this together.” Merlin took a deep breath and got up. He bent down to kiss Arthur’s cheek softly. “Follow your dream, Arthur. Go out there and be great. Wear the jersey you want so badly. I know you can do it.” With that, he left.

Arthur still sat in the chair hours later, looking at the spot where Merlin had left his sight, his life. He had never felt worse.

+++

Practice got even harder after that weekend. Arthur knew that Merlin was right. He didn’t even have a clue what he wanted, so he needed to follow his dream. He hadn’t worked for this so long only to throw it away for the slight chance of not being found out if he had a secret lover.

Even though the memory of that night was enough to fuel hot dreams each and every night that left Arthur grumpier and more annoyed than before. The only remedy he knew was working out harder than ever.

When other players only did the practice units the coach held and did barely enough in the weight room, Arthur put in extra runs in the park and additional time lifting weights. He couldn’t let those little injuries or colds or whatever life threw at him get in his way.

“Cut it out, Pendragon!” Gwaine snarled at him.

“What’s it to you?” That was all he needed today, stupid Greene to make comments.

Gwaine came over. “You kicked at Mordred twice now. What are you trying to do? Take him out of the game? You know as well as I do that we need him. He’s improved so much in the past weeks. So watch what you’re doing!”

Arthur frowned. “If he was playing right, he wouldn’t be anywhere near my feet and therefore not in any danger of getting kicked. His fault.” He knew that wasn’t quite the truth. Mordred worked hard and it made him even angrier when the youngster tried to sneak the ball from him.

“Let it go. Nothing happened, I’m fine.” Mordred had gotten up and brushed the grass from his knee.

But neither Gwaine nor Arthur paid him any attention.

“You don’t have to fight as if this was the finale of the World Cup, Pendragon, I think I’ve told you before.”

“That’s none of your business, you bloody liar.” Arthur had wanted to let it go, but he still held a grudge because Gwaine had told him he got it on with Merlin.

“Pardon?”

They stood really close now, but they were still yelling.

“Just leave your dirty fingers off of him!”

“What the fuck are you talking about anyway?”

“You know who I’m talking about. You’re just a bastard for telling me a story that never happened!” The practice and their team mates were forgotten. Arthur needed every ounce of self-restraint to not let his fist connect with Gwaine’s face again. It had felt good, but it had cost him a 15k fine the last time and the tosser definitely wasn’t worse the doubled fine in case of a repeat.

Gwaine laughed. “And you fell for it! You’ve got it so bad that you would believe anything. I just wanted to make you jealous so you would finally go for him!”

“What I do is none of your business! So leave your dirty paws off of him!”

Shaking his head, Gwaine was about to walk away. “You poor love-sick fool. You’re so possessive that you didn’t even notice that I never stood a chance with Merlin! He only ever had eyes for you anyway.”

All fight left Arthur and he just stood there, staring after Gwaine, who picked up a ball to take it along to the locker room.

None of them noticed that one of the fans who watched the practice from the other side of the fence pulled out his mobile.

+++

Merlin dragged his feet along the corridor of the stadium. There were days he hated this job and didn’t feel like doing it at all; today was even worse. At least he didn’t have to do the body checks at the entrances, he hated them most of all, and Owain was kind enough to send him to an area where he sure wouldn’t run into Arthur or even catch a glimpse of him.

As much as he tried, Merlin knew he wasn’t over him. He had it bad and no matter how much he buried himself in his dissertation or the work for the security company, Arthur was always on his mind. Just as he shouldn’t have let that kiss in the tunnels happen, he should have said no at the club. But back then he’d still thought that if he spent that one night with Arthur, he could make him see that they could work it out together or at least get Arthur out of his system.

Neither had worked. When Arthur had launched into his usual speech, Merlin couldn’t stand listening to it again. It had been the right thing to walk out, to put some distance between Arthur and him, but that hadn’t helped detaching himself emotionally from him at all.

Mechanically, Merlin went through all the required checks when he reached his position at the merchandising shop. He sighed. As long as the game wasn’t on, he would be very busy since tons of people couldn’t read the ‘Exit Only’ sign and he would have to send them just around the corner where the entrance of the little shop was. The moment the game started, this place was dead and that would leave him too much time to think.

Maria waved from inside the shop and he smiled, waving back. At least one ray of sunshine in this otherwise gloomy Saturday afternoon. She was really nice and when there was nothing to do inside the shop, she came out and talked to him and sometimes went to get him a soup or a plastic cup of water. Soup sounded a lot better today. Lately, Merlin was freezing all the time, no matter how much he wore. Mithian insisted this was because he felt so lousy, but maybe he was just coming down with something.

The first people flocked into the corridor and Merlin knew that the doors were open.

He didn’t think about much in the next hour, he was too busy giving directions, explaining ways and procedures, discussing the team’s standing in the league and keeping some teenagers from sneaking into the fan shop through the wrong door.

When the game started, it was like someone pushed a button. The noise and commotion was gone and the corridor was deserted. Maria was still busy inside the shop, folding shirts that people had pulled out of the shelves and rearranging mascot plushies and hats, the guys from the sausage stands hauled supplies in to prepare for half-time and Merlin watched the goings on, the tension from before totally gone. He needed to be highly concentrated during half-time again, but for now, his job was done.

“Hey, Merlin.”

Merlin turned and was faced with Leon. “Errr…Hi…What are you doing here?”

“Ankle’s not really back on track yet,” Leon explained and Merlin just blinked. He hadn’t followed the team’s doings, so he wasn’t informed about any injuries, but it was good seeing Leon again. He had really missed his friendly smile.

“Too bad. How long do you think it’ll take?”

“Another week or so, Lance said. It’s really boring if you can’t be out there.”

Merlin nodded. “So, what are you doing in here? Shouldn’t you be watching from the stands?”

“I should. I just thought this was a good time to get a jersey for my little nephew.” Leon beamed proudly.

Laughing, Merlin remembered when Leon had talked about the little boy. “He’s not even half a year old, is he?”

“Old enough for his first jersey.”

“Won’t it be a tad too large for him?” Obediently, Merlin looked at the photos Leon had pulled up on his mobile.

“He’ll grow into it.” Leon put his mobile away. “Listen, Merlin…I didn’t only come here for the jersey.”

Merlin had suspected that much. Usually, when one of the players wanted merchandise, they sent Elyan to get it for them. “You didn’t?”

“No, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Me? About what?” What on earth could Leon want from him?

“Yeah. About you and Arthur.” Leon almost whispered after looking around to check if someone was listening. “You have to do something.”

“Me?” Merlin repeated. “What do I have to do?”

“I don’t know.” Leon sighed. “But Arthur’s too stubborn, always babbling about his big goal, he doesn’t see the forest for the trees. He is so angry all the time, mostly at himself I reckon, snarls at everyone and everything. He’ll ruin everything, for himself, for the team. He’s really messed up.”

He wanted to tell him off, tell him that it was none of his business, but the sad look in Leon’s eyes made Merlin sigh. “I don’t think there is anything I can do, Leon. I can’t just be his friend, that’s too hard. I went through a lot when I came out, I won’t go back into the closet for anyone. As long as Arthur doesn’t come to terms with who he is, this won’t work. If he thinks he can only be himself after he ended his career, he has to do it. I can’t do it that way and I can’t wait for him.”

“But…”

Merlin swallowed hard and threw nervous looks up and down the corridor. “Leon, he might still have five or six good years. You have no idea what this is doing to me. I just can’t wait that long, I need to at least try to move on.”

Leon looked at him for several moments, then he nodded, pulled Merlin into a quick hug and then limped down the corridor.

+++

It was as if he smiled for the first time in ages. Arthur still held his mobile, the call still playing in his mind. He had just gotten invited to play for Team England. All his hard work had finally paid off, all the hours in the weight room, all the practice and all the times on the field where he played a bit more aggressively than the old Arthur Pendragon had. The coach had given him a call and he would get his chance to play for his country.

Arthur had never been more proud. His first impulse was to tell Merlin. It was basically his doing. Without everything that happened between them and without Merlin telling him to work hard for his goal, this probably never had happened.

Even though he missed him with every breath he drew, Merlin’s speech had motivated him to work harder. Maybe things would turn out fine in the end, now that he had reached his goal. Well, probably not really reached. Arthur was fully aware of the fact that he would join the training camp before the next game to prove himself first before he would be allowed to wear the three lions on his chest. And even if he made it through camp, there was no guarantee he’d get any time on the field. He could end up like a lot of new guys, sitting through a few games on the bench and then being sorted out.

Yet, he had never been closer to his dream and that made him giddy. He needed to find Merlin and tell him the good news.

Just then, his mobile buzzed again.

“Yes?”

“Arthur? Edwin here. Switch to Sky Sports.”

His agent waited until Arthur had found the remote and switched channels. Was the big news already on television?

“…The big hope of Team England, Arthur Pendragon, seems to have a secret…”

Arthur stared at the screen where a sports news caster read from the teleprompter with a concerned look on his face. Behind the bloke they showed his picture and in huge red letters the word “GAY?” was written over his face. Arthur swallowed hard and felt his knees giving way.

What his agent told him, he didn’t know. He just watched in horror as someone whose face he knew, it was a bloke who was at the practices a lot, watching from the fence, told the reporter that he overheard Gwaine and him fighting over a bloke. “Merlin isn’t a girl’s name, is it?”

He couldn’t breathe as they showed some dark and unfocussed footage of him leaving the club with Merlin that night. You couldn’t make out their faces, but it was clearly them. Arthur gasped when they dragged in front of the camera the twink who he’d fucked all those weeks ago, who wasn’t shy in giving out information and pouting at the camera because he hadn’t even asked for his number.

“Arthur, are you listening? Arthur, are you there?”

His hand with the mobile had sunk next to him and Arthur didn’t hear what Edwin was trying to tell him. That was it. The moment he had dreaded. He had been found out. The end. Of everything. There went his career and everything he had worked for so hard.

Hours later, Arthur still couldn’t move. The reports on the sports channel had turned to something else, but he still stared at the screen, not seeing and didn’t even notice that the mobile in his hand rang again and again.

+++

Merlin looked up when a cup of hot, steaming tea appeared in his line of sight. “Thanks, Mithi.”

Mithian sat down on his bed and tucked a foot underneath her. “How’s your dissertation going?”

“Good, I think.” Merlin took a sip.

“Liar.” She smiled. “You haven’t typed a single thing in an hour and you just stare at the screen.”

When Merlin said nothing, she reached over and ran her knuckles over his cheek. “I’m sorry that you are so unhappy lately.”

“It’s my own fault. Like all of this is my own fault. I’ll get over it.”

She sighed. “Merlin, feelings are nobody’s fault. They just happen, they are there. You acted upon them and now you punish yourself with silly reasons.”

Merlin looked down and watched the steam evaporate from his cup.

“Don’t even say otherwise, I know you’re in love, you’ve said so yourself. You like him so much it hurts and you won’t let yourself be happy.”

“I’m not in…” Merlin’s shoulders slumped. He was never good at lying to Mithian, she saw right through him. “Okay, maybe, let’s assume I might be a little bit…like…a crush or something. What good does it do?”

Mithian grinning. “A little bit in love is the understatement of the year. You haven’t looked at anyone since we went to the club. Not even your favourite TV heroes, that you usually drool over.” She sipped her own tea and went serious again. “It doesn’t do any good as long as you don’t act on it. It only makes you feel miserable, so do something.”

“It doesn’t matter what I feel.”

“Why not? Doesn’t Arthur return your feelings? He seemed to be rather interested with his tongue down your throat that night. And it didn’t look as if you had to force him to leave with you either.”

Merlin swallowed hard. That one night, the night that changed everything. Before, he could still make himself believe that it was nothing but a little crush, that he could walk away after one night and not think about it any longer. But he had never done anything so difficult before; walking away that morning, leaving Arthur behind, had almost killed him.

“I…I think he does. Return the feelings, I mean.”

“What’s the problem then?”

Merlin took a deep breath and told Mithian most everything that was said that morning. She listened and didn’t interrupt him, just took a deep breath when he mentioned how he had walked out.

“I…I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry that this is so difficult. But…you like him.” She sat the cup with the now cold tea aside. “Why can’t you try to be with him?”

“As what?”

“If it has to be, as his dirty little secret. People will get used to you being around. As long as you don’t expect huge public declarations of love, things might work out.”

“You don’t mean this, do you?” Merlin threw her a look.

“Yes, I mean it.” Mithian nodded and her voice sounded stronger. “Maybe it’s what he needs to see that there is nothing wrong with it, that it has nothing to do with his career and he wants to be with you, too? Or you both will find out that you can’t do it like that and break it off. The way you’re handling it now, neither of you have given it a chance to work. First he runs, then you run. And all because he wants to play for Team England one day! Who knows? Maybe he’s not even good enough for that and won’t wear his beloved jersey anyway?”

Merlin just looked at his tea for a long time before he spoke. “I’m not sure if I want this. I didn’t get bullied in school and tossed out of jobs because I am who I am to go back into the closet now. Not for him, not for anyone.”

“Just find out what you want. You can’t go on like that, it’s killing you. Either you want him, then go talk to him or you don’t want the hassle that might come with him. But then you’ll have to let him go.”

Their conversation was obviously finished for Mithian as she reached for the remote control and switched on the TV.

Merlin didn’t even notice that his still half-filled cup slipped from his hands when he saw Arthur’s picture behind a news caster.

+++

Arthur hadn’t left his house in days. He was on the phone with Edwin most of the time, discussing tactics how to go about the situation. Officially, he was on IR with a cold, as the people in charge of the team hadn’t decided what to do either. Arthur knew he was finished, he would never set foot on a football field again. The hate that was being thrown his way was unbelievable. He had expected some snarky remarks, but there was everything from ‘Disgusting’ to ‘Go, hang yourself’ and even worse. Yes, there was a lot of support, too, but as good as the support felt, making him feel not so alone, every hateful word stung.

“Stop reading that crap, Arthur. At the moment we can’t do anything, we need to wait for the team to react. I think they’re playing a bit of hide-and-seek, waiting for a statement from you.”

Arthur only listened to his agent with half an ear as he tried to block out the noise from the street.

“I don’t know...It’s so difficult to think straight with this noise. Can’t you do something against that paparazzi scum out there? They’re camping on the sidewalk, can you believe it! It’s almost like I’m the new royal baby!” He laughed without humour. Since the news got out, these people who called themselves journalists had flocked in like vultures waiting for their prey to die already.

“They will get tired of it soon, don’t worry. There might be more exciting news tomorrow and they will be gone. Arthur, concentrate, we need to work on this, we need to figure out what you want and especially what’s best in this situation. Can’t you just laugh it off like Greene did?”

Sighing, Arthur edged away from where he had thrown glances at the assembled crowd in the street. “I’m not him. I’m finished, Edwin. Why did they have to put it on the news the day I got the invitation to play for Team England? Why?”

Oh God, now they started chanting again. Not only had his house attracted the journalists, there were groups of supporters and groups of haters, too. Twice, the police had to separate them and send them away, but they always came back.

“To do exactly this to you. There will always be haters out there. How about this? We’ll release a statement that basically neither denies nor confirms but where we say you are open-minded enough to accept that there are homosexuals and you don’t mind? Something like that? I’ll mail it to you before we release it.”

With that, Edwin had hung up, leaving Arthur to his own again. Arthur just sighed tiredly. He hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past days and felt trapped in his own place. What the fuck should he do? If he came out to the public now, he would blow his chances to play football on a professional level ever again. If he hid deeper in the closet…Arthur felt like he would choke on that. What a screwed up world was it when a person couldn’t be himself with nobody caring what he did? But he had chosen a life in the public eye, it was his own fault, he could have followed his father’s wishes and could be the CEO of a company now and nobody would care if he was dating men or women.

He’d only had a brief talk with the coach which was basically just a virtual shoulder-patting with a ‘We’re all behind you, no matter what’, but Arthur knew the superficial world of sports too well to know that this sentence only meant ‘We’ll drop you the moment it gets tricky for us’.

A few of his team-mates had sent texts, most of them encouraging, Leon and Mordred had sent emails. None of them had been able to call, to talk to him in person. Not that Arthur ever thought of them as friends, they were co-workers, nothing more, but still he had expected a bit more. The only person who had the courage to speak to him had been Gwaine. Gwaine, of all people, had called right away and then again the day after that and for the first time in his life, Arthur had been able to talk, to really speak about his feelings and how trapped he felt with everything he ever wanted drifting away. Gwaine’s last sentence still rang through Arthur’s mind again and again. “Maybe this is the right moment to be yourself.”

+++

Merlin jumped up.

“What?” Mithian looked up at him from the couch where they had watched basically the same old so-called reports for what felt like the millionth time. They showed Arthur’s house and some reporter person or other told them that they believed to have seen Arthur at one of the windows but that nothing else had moved.

“I can’t take it anymore, I need to do something!” Merlin was already by the coat rack and reached for his jacket as he toed into his runners.

“Merlin, what do you want to do? You can’t just run out of the house like that.”

He stopped all motion. “But I need to…”

“To do what? You don’t know what he will do. Maybe he will deny everything? Maybe he’s not even there anymore, nobody’s seen him in days. You could call Mordred and ask if he heard anything?”

Merlin blushed slightly and she smiled.

“You already did that, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I…”

Mithian gave him a long look and her face turned soft. “Go.”

Grabbing his keys, Merlin rushed out of the house. He had no clue what he would do, how he would try to get in without the crowd of reporters seeing him. Would Arthur want to see him at all? He didn’t know what he would say or do. All he knew was that he needed to be with Arthur, to show his support.

Merlin tried to come up with a greeting and a little speech and rehearsed a few lines in his head over and over again as he finally arrived in Arthur’s street where he stopped in his tracks. He had seen the footage on TV but the assembled crowd was bigger than he had expected and there were police, too. He took in the different groups; the journalists waiting for anything at all, the supporters from some lesbian-gay-association Merlin had never heard of, holding up signs and the haters on the other side. What he read on some of their signs took Merlin’s breath away.

Just as he hadn’t understood the bullies in school who shoved him into lockers, made him trip, adorned him with a shiner or two and took every opportunity to make him look bad, he would never understand why anyone wasted so much energy on stuff that just wasn’t their business. Why waste time and money on making a sign that told someone else to kill himself? Merlin had been on the receiving end of homophobia himself, but what he saw here exceeded everything he had ever experienced.

But as he stood there, looking at the different groups, listening to them talking, he couldn’t figure out a way to get into the house. Some press people had tried to do that pretending to be the pizza delivery person, some haters had tried to force the door open and since then, police guarded the premises and let nobody set a foot on it. Merlin couldn’t just walk up there, telling them he was a friend and they would let him pass. And if they did, he had the press on his heels, something he really didn’t fancy as he watched this crowd.

Slowly, he pulled out his mobile and typed a text to Mordred.

+++

Arthur took a deep breath. He still hadn’t decided what to do and the assembled mob out there didn’t make it easier to think. He looked up at Leon.

“Are you ready?”

“Not really, but…”

Leon had called about an hour ago and Arthur had watched from a window upstairs as he had fought his way up to his door. The press had something to report and the various groups had taken the opportunity to shout their slogans again.

“Come on, Arthur, this is not good. We need to get you out of here.”

Arthur put his baseball hat on and reached for his aviators. “Okay, but where are we going? There is no safe place anywhere. They saw you come in, they will know we’ll go to your house and start camping out there.”

Leon reached for the bag he had made Arthur pack and gave him an encouraging smile. “That’s why we won’t go there.”

Taking another deep breath, Arthur pulled his hoodie over the cap and tried to prepare himself for the shouting, the flash lights and probably some rotten fruit thrown his way as he nodded at Leon to open the door.

+++

Merlin paced nervously. He didn’t know if it had been the right thing to do but it was as if everyone had just waited for him to react. As soon as he’d texted Mordred, Mordred called him and they worked out a plan, even though it sounded as if Mordred already had the plan and just pitched it to him.

He’d picked him up at the coffee shop where Merlin had burned his lip on his tea because he didn’t pay attention at all. Gwen had brought him some ice and tried to make him eat a slice of cheesecake while he waited, but he couldn’t eat. She had listened to his ramblings that probably didn’t make sense at all and squeezed his arm, assuring him that he did the right thing before he left with Mordred.

Now he was at Gwaine’s place and checked the time the DVD player showed against his mobile every two minutes. Gwaine hadn’t even given him a tour when he came in and Merlin knew he wouldn’t have been able to look at the place anyway. Before he left with Mordred, Gwaine had just pointed to the general direction of the kitchen and the bathroom and told him to feel at home. So Merlin had helped himself to a bottle of water from the fridge and sipped at it once in a while; not because he was thirsty, but out of nervousness.

He jumped up when he heard the key in the door. Was Gwaine back to tell him Arthur wouldn’t show? But then his face lit up for a moment when Leon opened the door and shoved Arthur into the place.

“Hey Merlin.” Leon put a bag down, then nodded and left again.

Arthur just stood there and Merlin couldn’t make out his eyes behind the mirrored aviators, but he didn’t look good.

“Hi.” He wanted to touch him so badly, wrap his arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay, but of course he couldn’t do that; he didn’t even know if Arthur wanted to see him at all.

Very slowly, Arthur pulled the hood from his head, took the glasses off and tossed the hat aside. Merlin took a deep breath. There were dark circles underneath Arthur’s red-rimmed eyes; Arthur clearly hadn’t slept and looked generally worn. “Merlin,” he whispered.

“Is…is it okay for me to be here? I…I just needed to see you, so I went to your house, but there were reporters and people and then I called Mordred and he…” Merlin knew he was rambling and he didn’t know what else to do, so he just stepped close and pulled Arthur into an embrace. When Arthur didn’t pull back or struggle, he tightened his arms around him and nuzzled into his neck. “I won’t tell you that it’s alright. It is not at this point in time, but it will get better and…I’m here for you, Arthur, if you want me to be.”

Merlin had no idea what exactly he even meant by saying that. But all his fears and reservations flew out of the window. He would be there for Arthur, no matter what.

Arthur leaned against him heavily and just breathed into his neck for a while before he pulled back a bit.

“Let’s sit down, you look knackered.”

“I feel like shit.”

Merlin grinned. “That’s what I meant. Want a water? Let me get you a water. Or something else, the fridge is full.”

When he came back, Arthur had sunk down in the corner of the couch and looked lost.

“Thanks.” Arthur took the water bottle Merlin held out to him, but didn’t open it right away. “Thanks for being here.”

Shaking his head, Merlin sat down. “I…I felt so bad when I saw the horrible pictures on TV.”

“You went to my house?”

Merlin nodded. “Yeah, and…” He turned and looked at Arthur, “I’m sorry. I think I do understand a bit better now what you meant by living in the spotlight. I had a vague idea, but when I saw the mob and heard the things they said…”

“Things?” Arthur turned his head.

“Not worth repeating.” Merlin shuddered when he thought about the discussion he couldn’t help overhearing if Arthur was a top or a bottom and if he liked it rough and kinky. “I’m sorry that I ran.”  
He meant it. What had held him back all the time hadn’t been that he didn’t want to be a dirty little secret or that he couldn’t wait for anyone. He knew he would have waited for Arthur forever if he had to. “I think I was scared, too. But now I think I understand what you meant.”

Arthur looked at the water bottle he still held in his hand. “I’m so confused.”

“Do you…do you know how it happened? I mean…who blabbed?”

Shaking his head, Arthur threw Merlin a side-ways glance. “I think I wasn’t careful enough. I had a shouting match with Gwaine the other week and I went to this club in December.” He shrugged.

The club. The bloke who had claimed that Arthur had fucked him. Merlin had refused to believe it and had a bit of a jealousy fit even though he knew he had no right to; but it was true. “Players are shouting at each other all the time.”

“Yeah, but not over you.”

“Over me?”

Arthur looked at him again. “I was so jealous and afraid that he would be with you in the end. Probably because he had the guts to not care what the public thinks of who he does.”

“There’s no need to be jealous.” Merlin’s heart was beating faster. Arthur had been fighting with Gwaine over him again, that must mean that he still liked him.

“That’s what he told me. Someone must have heard that. One of the fans at the fence or whoever.”

“So it’s my fault.” Merlin worried his lower lip with his teeth.

Arthur chuckled without humour. “No, it’s not. It was never your fault. And I’m at a point where I begin to see that it’s nobody’s fault. It’s who I am.”

“And there is nothing wrong with who you are.” Merlin nudged Arthur’s arm. “You might be a bit of a prat sometimes, but…basically you’re pretty okay.”

That drew a very small smile out of Arthur. “Pretty okay…”

Merlin reached out and pulled Arthur close, who didn’t fight and just leaned against him, burying his face in Merlin’s neck. There were a few shuddered breaths and Merlin rubbed small circles on Arthur’s back. He didn’t know how they would go on, what would happen to Arthur’s career, what would happen to them, but he knew it had been the right decision to be here.

+++

Arthur closed his eyes. Never in a million years had he expected to end up here, in Gwaine’s place, in Merlin’s arms. Everything went so fast and he didn’t know what to do with all his emotions. He was still confused and hurt and not sure what to do, but Merlin was here and for a moment that seemed to be all that mattered. There were moments in the past days where he had been so angry at Merlin since it had all started with him. If it weren’t for Merlin, none of this would have ever happened. Of course he knew that this wasn’t true. He was who he was and he couldn’t help his feelings for the other man and it wasn’t Merlin’s doing that his whole life was about to change.

“Merlin?” He relaxed a bit into the embrace, just feeling Merlin close and breathing in his scent had that effect on him.

“Yes?”

Arthur smiled when he felt Merlin nuzzling into his hair. “Would you…I mean…In a different world, if we met in a different way…Would you go out with me?”

Merlin chuckled. “Yes, I would.”

“And now?”

“You mean, in this world, the un-perfect one? Yes, Arthur, I would.”

Taking a deep breath, Arthur felt a lot of weight falling off his shoulders. “I mean…even now that everything is so screwed up?”

He felt Merlin nodding. “Even then.”

“This is odd.”

“What is?”

“It’s like…I’ve never done this before, but I think I want to date you properly.” For the first time in his life, Arthur really wanted that. To ask the other out, to go dining, to go to plays or the movies, for walks if it was Merlin’s thing, and all the other things normal people did when they were dating.

“I’d like that very much.”

Arthur looked up at Merlin. Damn, when had he fallen in love like this? The world out there didn’t count, all that mattered was Merlin and Arthur wanted this, them, to work out. He closed his eyes again when Merlin was close enough and their lips touched. But he blinked when Merlin broke the contact after a moment. “What’s wrong?”

Merlin looked at him. “Nothing. I just think you’re too worn out at the moment to make decisions. But I meant what I said, I would like to date you.” Then he smiled and winked at him. “I like you very much.”

Leaning in again, Arthur stole another quick kiss before he snuggled back against Merlin. “Can we just sit here like this for a while?”

“Sure.”

+++

Merlin didn’t know exactly when he had fallen asleep with Arthur in his arms. It had taken Arthur no time to finally sleep after their talk. Merlin had smiled, Arthur seemed to feel safe with him. He knew that his mind should have been racing, his thoughts should try to keep up with his feelings and to adjust to the new situation. He needed to think about it, about the consequences and everything that might come up now. He didn’t know what Arthur meant by wanting to date him properly and how public it should be, he had no idea what Arthur would do with his career and how he planned to go about approaching the public since he still hadn’t even issued a statement via his agent. But Merlin felt he didn’t care. They both were willing to try to deal with whatever the world threw at them and that was enough to know.

When he blinked awake, he noticed that Arthur was not there on the couch where they had fallen asleep and he sat up in panic. Had Arthur changed his mind again? But no, there he was, in the next room, talking to someone on the phone.

“Yes, I mean it…No, no!...Listen Edwin, I’m not going to hide anymore. It’s who I am…Yes, I’m fully aware of that, talk to the Riders, if they aren’t backing me, who cares?...I know that this can mean the end of my time as a professional footballer…Yes, I might lose a lot of money in advertising contracts…No, Edwin, no more hiding. Prepare a statement, let me read it and then publish it….Edwin…I was never more sure of anything in my life.”

Merlin knew it was wrong to listen in on the phone call, but if Arthur didn’t want him to hear it, he would have closed the door, wouldn’t he? He took a sip of water as he tried to calm his beating heart down a bit. It sounded as if Arthur would come out, that he was risking his career to be able to be himself.

Taking a sip of the water bottle on the table, Merlin got up and after a short detour via the bathroom, he decided to make some breakfast.

As he stood, watching the eggs go from liquid to a more solid form in the hot pan, Arthur came in and wrapped his arms around him. He put a small kiss on his neck. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Merlin turned to look at him. Arthur looked a lot more rested and at ease than the night before. “How are you feeling?”

“I made a decision. Already called my agent about it.” Arthur held Merlin’s gaze and smiled. “No more hiding.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do this for me. I think I wasn’t quite honest when I said I’m not going to wait for anyone and that I’m not going to be the dirty secret. I don’t care about these things, I want to be with you.” Merlin bit his lower lip.

Arthur didn’t let go of him. “You know, I always thought that football was the most important thing that could ever happen to me. I’ve worked so hard to play for England that I forgot to look what’s around me, to see what really matters.”

“I just don’t want you to regret this at some later point.” Merlin didn’t know what made him say all that. He didn’t want to push Arthur away again.

Shaking his head, Arthur leaned in. “I won’t, believe me.” And then he kissed Merlin deeply until he pulled back, laughing. “We’ve ruined the eggs.”

Merlin laughed and the tension from before was gone as he pulled the pan from the oven. “Go, take a shower. I didn’t want to say anything last night, but you really need one. When you’re done, breakfast will be ready.”

+++

 

Arthur leaned back and rubbed his belly. “That was good.” He smiled. He knew that his world was in pieces, but he didn’t care. Merlin was here and he would build a new world together with him. If it still had football in it, he didn’t know, but he would find something to do.

“It was just a normal breakfast.”

The way Merlin smiled back made Arthur’s insides flutter. “Best breakfast ever.”

Merlin nodded, he seemed to understand, as he got up to put the dishes into the sink.

Arthur got up, wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close for a kiss. “Do you know that this was a first?”

Merlin smiled and caressed his back through his thin t-shirt. “We’ve kissed before.”

“It was my first kiss as an openly gay man.”

Merlin beamed widely and then the grin turned mischievous. “I know something else we could do for the first time.”

Arthur had no objections as Merlin pulled him towards the bedroom.

When he fell back into the scrambled sheets, Arthur panted. He had lost count of how many times Merlin had made him come. But he had never felt better. Before, sex was something you did, something to relieve the tension, climax a goal to reach. But with Merlin, it was different. No matter if they fucked forcefully or gently made love – Arthur never thought he would be able to hold back for such a long time while Merlin was in him and used kisses to distract him from coming – Arthur felt liberated. The few times he had allowed himself to be with someone, he had always been tense and something was missing. Merlin made him whole, with him, everything was perfect.

Arthur scrambled around, so he could look at Merlin.

Merlin opened one eye and made Arthur chuckle. “What?”

“Thank you.”

Scrambling up a bit, Merlin looked at him. “What for? You work as hard for these orgasms as I do.”

Arthur slightly shook his head. “Not what I meant.”

Merlin slid down again and propped his head on his hand, waiting for an explanation.

“I mean…It’s like…it’s like I’m complete for the first time in my life. You’re the piece that was missing. You make me whole.”

Swallowing hard, Merlin never took his eyes off of him as he leaned in for a soft kiss. “Love you, too.”

+++

Merlin smiled as he straightened the collar of his orange polo shirt again as he walked down the corridor. This was just a little detour to wish the team good luck before he would find his position up in the stands. Toby, who had guarded the locker room door these days, had offered to switch back when Merlin showed up to work at the stadium again, but Merlin had refused. It wouldn’t have been good if he was so close to Arthur while they both were working.

It had been a few very difficult months after Arthur came out publically. The team officially backed him up but he still had to fight his way back onto the roster. The first time that he played again, there had been nasty signs in the stadium, so-called fans chanting hateful messages, but that was under control now. Arthur had never played better with the right amount of aggressiveness and finesse; it was like he didn’t take things too seriously anymore and laughed situations off that would have led to fights or at least shouting matches before. He seemed to be constantly in a good mood, no matter how annoying the reporters’ questions were and where they had tried to pry details of his private life out of him before, they concentrated on his performance on the field again.

“Hey, Merlin!” Mordred had just left the locker room to do his warm-up routine and smiled widely.

“Good luck.” Merlin grinned and winked.

Mordred knew that this was his ‘good luck’ to the team, so he poked his head into the room again and yelled “Merlin says good luck!” which was answered by various calls that made Merlin smile.

“Where will you be today?”

Merlin made a face. “Up in the stands. Somewhere in the posh seats, I think, so it’s not so bad.”

“You’ll do fine, we’ll all feel safe and have a great time.” They walked through the tunnel together and Mordred patted his upper arm. “Gotta go.”

“Take care!” Merlin knew there were easier ways to get to his designated position, but he liked seeing the stadium from here. This was what Arthur saw when he stepped out here, just with people in the stands and it made Merlin smile.

So far, things were going great between them but they still had to be very careful. That Arthur was out now didn’t mean they wanted to share what they had with the whole world. It wasn’t hiding, they just wanted to enjoy their time together. So they met at different places, most of the time at friends’ places, Gwaine’s apartment becoming a second home to both of them, and since the media interest in Arthur’s private life had died down a bit, Merlin had been able to go to his place more often or Arthur made Leon drive him over to his. This way, Leon had met Mithian and Merlin and Arthur had the place to themselves most of the time.

If Merlin had been reluctant to do it this way before, he didn’t mind at all. Now that he knew what public attention could do to a person, he was more than willing to wait until Arthur’s active career was over to be known as the man at his side. He knew it was too early to think like that anyway, but he had a good feeling about them.

Merlin smiled and made his way up the stairs to start with his usual routine of checks.

+++

Arthur bent his head from one side to the other and jumped up and down. He hated those few minutes before the game where the muscles he had at working temperature would cool down again until the match finally started; he couldn’t wait to get onto the field. There were still a few haters up in the stands but he was able to block them out. As long as his performance on the field was ace, nobody would be able to say anything.

It seemed as if he’d never played better and for the first time in months really enjoyed what he did. He never imagined that he could have both: a career and a working relationship. The press hadn’t been too gentle with him but with Merlin at his side, he felt he could face anything. Merlin. The thought of him alone made him smile and the thought of how Merlin had bent him over the kitchen table the night before turned the smile into a grin. Merlin was good for him. He encouraged him when he needed it and pulled him back to reality when his head got a little bit on the big side. More than once a reporter had asked who put that smile on his face, but Arthur wasn’t yet ready for the reveal. It was all too fresh, even though he had a feeling that they would last. They were just too good together.

After the season, next summer, when the media interest in him wasn’t as big, he would ask Merlin to move in with him. That would make things a lot easier and they wouldn’t have to camp out at Gwaine’s or send Mithian out with Leon. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Mithian, she was great, but his time with Merlin was precious and more than once he had to pay for her and Leon’s dinner to be alone with his boyfriend.

“Let’s go, Riders!” Percy yelled down the tunnel which was the sign for them to move.

The game was about to start and Arthur concentrated on that. He would see Merlin later, that had to be enough for now.

+++

The game was in full swing and Merlin didn’t have much to do. He stood about, a concentrated look on his face, scanning the crowd but those were practiced moves and nobody would be able to tell that his thoughts were somewhere completely different. He had his back to the field, so he wasn’t tempted to watch the game, he was responsible for the crowd. But these were some of the higher-priced seats, what could possibly happen here?

He almost smiled as his thoughts wandered to the night before, where they had sex in places he would never be able to tell Mithi about. She would immediately throw the kitchen table out and set the couch on fire. If she knew about the blowjob that led to sex in the shower this morning – oh, and how hard Arthur had taken him, Merlin could still feel it – she would force him to remodel the bathroom.

Biting back a chuckle, Merlin pulled his thoughts back to his task. He checked his watch and nodded, there were only mere minutes left, probably just seconds, but then his crowd had jumped up and yelled insults at the referee and the other team. How could he have missed that a man in row 22 was wearing the wrong jersey? How could that even happen? Usually, the fan groups were separated and nobody from the visiting team was allowed to buy tickets for the sections of the Riders fans. But Merlin didn’t have time to dwell on that as a Riders fan got hands-on with the other one.

“Excuse me. Excuse me!” He stepped close, his back straight, his shoulders squared, his most authoritative look on his face. “Gentlemen!”

But the two were already fighting, grabbing at each other’s jerseys and trying to land hits. Damn! This shouldn’t have happened! Merlin knew he should have spotted this earlier and interfered sooner. Now he had to rescue what was to be rescued. He tried to step between them. “No fighting! Stop it at once!”

The two brawlers didn’t pay him any attention, so Merlin tried to separate them. But as soon as he touched them, they concentrated their wrath on him.

“None of your business!”

“Fuck off!”

Merlin knew he was fighting a losing battle. No way would he be able to take on two violent fans. He should have waited for backup which he knew was approaching. Oliver, who stood by the stairs and who he had eye contact with a few times, would come over. If he was really lucky, he would bring the coppers along.

While he ducked a fist swung at him, he silently cursed the other people in the stands. Nobody helped, nobody wanted to get involved. If they did anything at all, it was spurring the fighters on, now that they could focus their anger on a figure of authority. Just as Merlin caught a glimpse of orange polo shirt in the corner of his eye, a fist finally found its aim and Merlin’s world exploded in pain. He stumbled backwards as he held his face and the last thing he knew was that he was falling.

+++

Even though he had spotted Merlin the moment he had stepped out on the field, Arthur had no difficulty at all in focusing on the match. It was one against their arch rival, they all had to have their heads into the game and he needed to show the world that he could play no matter how tempting his love was. Not that the world knew about him yet, but that would change at some point.

He managed to pass the ball to Gwaine perfectly and grinned widely when Gwaine scored and then came over and put a big wet smooch on his forehead. It was a tight game, both teams fighting for the number one position in the league, so of course everyone played at the limit. Their personal limit and the limit of legality. The referee caught some offenders and there were some yellow cards, but sometimes it felt as if he just caught the Riders and turned a blind eye on what their rival was doing.

Only that way, they managed to balance the score in the last minute, just as the referee blew the whistle and ended the game.

Arthur heard the collective groan from the stands as once again the offender walked away unpunished as one of his own lay on the grass, holding his knee. Damn, it was Mordred. Arthur ran over.

“You okay?”

Mordred didn’t really look at him, but took his hand and let Arthur pull him up, only to yell out in pain as he tried to stand on his leg.

Arthur supported Mordred and signaled for Dr. Kilstroem and Lance to be a bit faster as Mordred crumbled to the ground again. Fuck, they couldn’t lose him with the standings in the league being so tight.

There was more yelling from the stands and some screams and Arthur looked up. Oh no! Just what they needed, a brawl in the stands. How stupid could those fans be? Yes, this was serious, but how did beating each other up help Mordred? And the poor steward who tried to keep the fighters apart as more and more people got involved in the brawl! Arthur’s heart stopped. It was Merlin in the middle of it. Arthur stood rooted to the spot, only faintly noticing that Merlin’s colleagues rushed to his aid, but when Merlin went down, Arthur moved. The game was over, he didn’t abandon the match, but he wouldn’t have cared anyway. Merlin was hurt and he had to get to him.

As more and more stewards made their way into the section, Arthur just ran after them.

“Merlin!”

He didn’t care that people stared at him, he didn’t even notice the comments around him, telling him to go and try to calm the fighters down. Arthur paled when he saw a lady tending to Merlin, who was hunched over in a seat on the other side of the row, holding his arm.

“Merlin!”

Arthur squatted down next to him. “Merlin, look at me! What happened?”

Merlin barely moved his head and it took Arthur’s breath away to see the blood trickling down his face. “Call the medics!” He barked at the woman.

“They’re already on their way. Looks like a broken shoulder or something…I don’t know…Maybe his nose is broken, too.”

“How did that happen?”

She shrugged but beamed at him when she noticed who he was. “I only noticed when the fight was already in full swing and he was in the middle of it. Guess, he should have waited for his co-workers. I think he took a hit, because I saw him falling backwards into the next row. That’s when the other stewards rushed in and the coppers arrested the fighters.”

“And you called the medics?” Arthur brushed the hair off Merlin’s forehead but Merlin flinched away. “Sorry, sorry love. It’ll be alright. Help is on the way.”

“Yes, I did. Is he a friend of yours?” She cocked her head and Arthur held back a sigh, only noticing now that a crowd had assembled around them.

“Yes, he is. Thank you for taking care of him. Here comes professional help.” Arthur had a hard time getting out of the way as two paramedics rushed in. “Everyone, please make way.”

While they watched the paramedics tending to Merlin, some fans had the nerve to ask for photos and autographs and even though Arthur frowned, he obliged. It was better that they used their smartphone for photos with him than taking photos of Merlin in his state.

As soon as the medic personnel took Merlin away, Arthur excused himself and went with them.

“How bad is it?”

They entered the first aid station a moment later and Merlin groaned in pain as they made him lie down on a stretcher.

“Your friend seems to have dislocated his shoulder when he fell. We’re not sure yet if his nose is broken, but the gash above his eye needs some stitches. We need to wait for the doctor to come over.”

“Dr. Kilstroem can look at him?” Arthur wasn’t sure if he would, but he was a doctor and here was a bleeding patient, he had to, right?

“We’re getting the ambulance ready, he needs some xrays. Don’t worry, we’re taking good care of him.”

“What can I do?” Arthur felt helpless. Merlin was hurt and it seemed there was nothing he could do, they didn’t even really let him to him.

The medic smiled. “We’ll take him to St. Bart’s, Arthur. You can go, take a shower, get presentable and when you come over, we will know more.”

Only then, Arthur realized that he was still in his kit, including the cleats. He hadn’t even taken the time to remove his shin guards. Yet, he waited until Merlin was loaded into the ambulance, promising him to be there as soon as possible before he thanked the medics and made his way through the now almost deserted stadium to the locker room.

 

+++

Arthur had expected everyone to be gone already, but for probably the coach who would announce another fine or something for running off the field like that after the game was finished.

To his surprise, most of the team was still there.

“How is he?” Mordred had a bag of ice taped to his knee.

“They are taking care of him.”

“What happened?” Percy stuffed a few things into his backpack and then looked at Arthur.

Tiredly, Arthur toed his cleats off and sat down to pull his socks off after removing the shin guards. “Some idiots started to fight and the hero had to try to separate them on his own.”

Gwaine grinned. “We should put our money together for a super hero cape. He seems to quite like those stunts.”

Arthur chuckled, despite himself. “I hope he’ll finally quit them after this. His nose might be broken and his shoulder is dislocated.”

“Oh dear.” Leon pulled his sweater on.

“The right answer to that is ‘Fuck’, Leon, ‘FUCK’, not ‘Oh dear’.” Percy nudged Leon’s arm and Arthur managed a smile. They always tried to teach Leon to swear properly but that was a fruitless effort.

“Did they take him to the hospital?” Mordred toweled his wet hair.

Arthur nodded. “They didn’t let me come along but I’ll go there as soon as I’m done.”

“We should get him something. Is the merchandising shop still open? We could get him a Rider plushie?”

Gwaine groaned at Percy’s suggestion. “How old is he? Five? Give me your mobile and get your stinking arse into the shower, Pendragon.”

When Arthur came back, they had made an impromptu video, wishing Merlin a speedy recovery, praising him for his heroism and scolding him for it, too, and Arthur pocketed the mobile with a smile.

“If you hurry up now, we’ll try to keep the press off your back, Arthur.” Mordred pointed to his knee where Lance had taped a huge ice bag. “I can whine about this for a while.” The others nodded.

“I’ll have to talk to them at some point. What does it matter if it’s now or later?”

Leon crossed his arms in front of his chest and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to attend to?”

Even though he was still very worried about Merlin, Arthur felt some weight falling off his shoulders. These people weren’t only co-workers; they were friends. Even though they teased him every chance they got, they were there for him, having his back and trying to make it easier for him.

He also knew that the incident would be all over the news, probably already as they spoke. A steward getting dragged into a fight in the stands might just have been a footnote. A player rushing to the steward’s aid was news. Said player being him, who only came out a few months ago, was big news.

The others trickled out as he was getting done, stuffing the coach’s note that he found in his locker (‘Go, check on him. We’ll talk tomorrow.’) into the pocket of his jeans and Arthur paused at the door for a moment. He straightened his shoulders and stepped outside.

Even though the journalists who still waited were busy with his friends, they spotted him. “Arthur! Arthur, how is he?” “Arthur, just a quick question.” “Arthur! Who is he?” “Arthur, is he your boyfriend?”

The plan had been to duck his head and just go on until he reached his car, but Arthur got all calm and stopped. He turned to the assembled crowd. “Yes. His name is Merlin and he is my boyfriend. He tried to stop the fight in the stands and was injured trying to keep us all safe. If you’d excuse me now, I have to go check on him.”

Percy patted his shoulder and the others nodded and smiled at him, as he raised his hand in farewell and made his way to his car.

+++

Epilogue

 

Merlin set his glass down and stepped out of the VIP area to the stands. It was time to find his seat, but he took a moment to just stand there and enjoy the scenery. The stadium was packed, there were flags and people in jerseys everywhere and the excited atmosphere put a smile on his face. Down by the field, he spotted Owain, who was busy going from one steward to the next, giving some last-minute information and encouragement. Part of Merlin missed the job. It had been exciting and there was always something new happening. But after the incident, he was happy that he was rid of it. Standing for hours took its toll on your body and Merlin was happy that he didn’t have to do that anymore.

He pondered taking his jacket off, but it was a bit too chilly to do that. As much as Merlin wanted to show off the jersey with Arthur’s name on it, he decided against it and pulled the scarf tighter around his neck.

The past two years hadn’t been easy. When Arthur had talked to the press after that day in the stands, all hell had broken loose. There was even more gay bashing, from other players and fans, from the press, even from people Arthur had considered friends. But there had been a lot of love and support, too.

The team officials had planned to make Arthur keep him a secret but Arthur blew that before he had even shown up at the hospital. There had been lots of threats and attacks on both of them which luckily didn’t injure anyone. Arthur had found another team to play for and after the first commotion died down, he played as good as never before.

Merlin loved him even more for standing up for them, for what he believed, for who he was. Maybe it had helped that other players came out, too, and that not all the attention was on them any longer.

After healing up – when the weather changed, his shoulder still gave him trouble sometimes and his fingers still found the scar above his right eyebrow, even though Arthur assured him all the time that it was invisible - Merlin had finished his thesis and gotten a job at the university and loved the research he was doing. Sometimes he felt like a modern kind of Indiana Jones when he was in libraries for hours, studying books that nobody had touched in ages. Some so fragile that they could only be touched with special gloves, others locked away, so he could only look at photos of the original. Of course there was no stealing of artefacts and his travels didn’t take him to temples in the rainforest, but since he wasn’t too fond of creepy crawlies that usually lived there, that was okay for him.

A year ago, Arthur had asked him to move in with him and since then they considered themselves engaged, even though nobody had asked anything and nobody had given an answer. It was what it was, they were together and intended to stay that way. They were in love and that was all that counted.

Mithian joined him. “Hey, former roomie!”

“Hi, Mithi. How are things?” He smiled. He’d felt bad for moving out, he had liked sharing a place with her but his bad conscience had vanished when he found out that things between her and Leon got serious and just a few weeks ago, she had shown him her brand new engagement ring.

“Never been better.” She beamed. “Oh, look, there’s Freya! Hi, sweetheart!”

“Hi, Mithian! Hey, Merlin!”

A very pregnant Freya squeezed into the seat next to his.

“Hey Freya, how are you two?”

She threw him a look. “Two? You haven’t heard it yet?”

“Three??” Merlin’s eyes went wide.

“Yup. Percy doesn’t do things half-heartedly.” She giggled. “It’ll be twins. And we’re fine, thanks, hon.”

Merlin smiled. “Congrats! How much longer?”

She made a face. “Can’t be soon enough. My doctor would probably freak if she knew I was here.”

“The date is that close?”

“Yeah.” She grinned and sipped her tea.

A concerned look spread on Merlin’s face. “Give us a warning if you…”

Freya laughed. “I’m not going to pop them out here in the stands, don’t worry. Oh, look, here they come.”

Merlin turned his attention back to the field where the teams just came out, every player with a kid at their side, as they lined up for the National Anthem. His heart felt like jumping out of his chest. How good Arthur looked in his England jersey that he wore for the very first time! He had never been more proud of him. Okay, maybe the moment he came out, but this here was happening now. A huge smile split his face as he helped Freya scramble up. She waved at Percy excitedly and Mithian took a few photos.

“Don’t they look good in their new jerseys?”

“They never looked better.” But Merlin didn’t have eyes for anyone but Arthur as they sang the anthem and the game started.

 

Just as we were putting the finishing touches to the story, this video showed up on my feed on FB. It’s in German and it’s just about the same topic: Homophobia in football. The song is by Markus Wiebusch and it’s called “The day will come”.

[video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qOg8E4Tzto)

Only now noticed that you can activate English subtitles on the video!


End file.
